Jump to content
View in the app

A better way to browse. Learn more.

Surly Horns

A full-screen app on your home screen with push notifications, badges and more.

To install this app on iOS and iPadOS
  1. Tap the Share icon in Safari
  2. Scroll the menu and tap Add to Home Screen.
  3. Tap Add in the top-right corner.
To install this app on Android
  1. Tap the 3-dot menu (⋮) in the top-right corner of the browser.
  2. Tap Add to Home screen or Install app.
  3. Confirm by tapping Install.
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Featured Replies

1 hour ago, SurlyORama said:

Toast that crap and add peanut butter. Amazing.

Toast it? Never heard of toasting a banana, other than making Bananas Foster which is a flambé. I just put peanut butter on it. But peanut butter on bananas and apples is awesome. 

  • Replies 23.8k
  • Views 2.2m
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Most Popular Posts

  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

Posted Images

I have a similar cabinet, but most of the cups are on their side or just shoved in like it's a junk drawer.  You're just showing off.
And the original poster still wins as all of the one's he is showing are 1/3 to 2/3 full of water or liquids of some sort and are sitting on the night stand....where they have been for days or weeks.

Plot twist: that’s my side of the bed. She ran out of room the other night so she moved all those over to make space.
When I was married the garage was for cars. If we had (translated: she put) too much shit in the garage for a car to fit in it was hers that parked in the driveway.

That’s where I’m at.

2039fe96e9cd5a4167d5367bb2d07e41.jpg

Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

Anyone else have a wife that's really good at doing 75% of a project or chore?

She put up some new blinds causing a bit of sawdust to accumulate on the floor.  Later on, she's gone shopping and I see,

Broom

Dust pan

Pile of sawdust in-between.

#2

We recycle.  I have a large, Rubbermade container on the back porch we use.  Not a day goes by where I don't see a couple of plastic bottles, a soup can, some cardboard stacked by the back door.  One could stand at this spot, open the back door, and drop said recycling in the container w/o taking a step.

 

22 minutes ago, Buzzrock said:


That’s where I’m at.

2039fe96e9cd5a4167d5367bb2d07e41.jpg

Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

I still don’t know what’s up with that coach light centered over the garage. There should be two coach lights on either side of the garage. If you’re going to have something centered above it, it should be a floodlight to light up your basketball area, or whatever you do in the driveway. 

On 8/13/2021 at 3:41 PM, AUS-97HORN said:

Pretty sure he told us that he let her keep the chest enhancements he paid for and he got the rest.

I has no idea those could be used as bargaining chips but that's good for men everywhere.  Isn't there a saying about when you buy those you're paying for the next guy's enjoyment or something like that?

25 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

She put up some new blinds causing a bit of sawdust to accumulate on the floor.  Later on, she's gone shopping and I see,

Broom

Dust pan

Pile of sawdust in-between.

#2

Your wife shit in the garage?

I still don’t know what’s up with that coach light centered over the garage. There should be two coach lights on either side of the garage. If you’re going to have something centered above it, it should be a floodlight to light up your basketball area, or whatever you do in the driveway. 

858f0ec243a96dc9c14c4ad8b4e9de8e.jpg
6 hours ago, Buzzrock said:


858f0ec243a96dc9c14c4ad8b4e9de8e.jpg

Yeah. I’d take those out, put one on each side of the right and left garage, and a floodlight up top. The staggered nature of the garages makes it look unbalanced.
Or maybe just one on each side of what I presume is your back door. You already have a flood at the far corner. 

New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.

1 hour ago, nnm said:

Yeah. I’d take those out, put one on each side of the right and left garage, and a floodlight up top. The staggered nature of the garages makes it look unbalanced.
Or maybe just one on each side of what I presume is your back door. You already have a flood at the far corner. 

I don't mind the lights, my problem is that it doesn't line up perfectly with the goal posts and the giant Longhorn. 

14 hours ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

We recycle.  I have a large, Rubbermade container on the back porch we use.  Not a day goes by where I don't see a couple of plastic bottles, a soup can, some cardboard stacked by the back door.  One could stand at this spot, open the back door, and drop said recycling in the container w/o taking a step.

 

image.thumb.jpeg.1873b72161ab69572a239a6a79afa0d1.jpeg

What season of Breaking Bad is this from?
The one where the tweeker dropped the ATM on the other tweeker's head.
New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.

My wife simultaneously complains I drive too slow and too fast and switch lanes too much and don’t switch lanes enough.

I hear it, but I don’t respond anymore.
34 minutes ago, Nivek said:


My wife simultaneously complains I drive too slow and too fast and switch lanes too much and don’t switch lanes enough.

I hear it, but I don’t respond anymore.

Feels like the divorce rate would plummet if people took separate cars everywhere.

52 minutes ago, conVINCEd said:

Feels like the divorce rate would plummet if people took separate cars everywhere.

No, because then my wife would complain that she...
 - has to drive at night

 - has to put miles on her vehicle vs. mine

 - is using her fuel instead of mine

43 minutes ago, ROFL BOX said:

No, because then my wife would complain that she...
 - has to drive at night

 - has to put miles on her vehicle vs. mine

 - is using her fuel instead of mine

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

8 minutes ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

It's not ME with the "his & hers" stuff.

I refer to it as "ROFL BOX - Co"... there's the Mrs. & Mr. division, different organizations, but ultimately part of the same overall corporation.  P&L happens, all income & out-go affects the entire organization.
She disagrees.

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

Wife?
1 hour ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

You know you like to wear her panties when she’s not around



New one for me yesterday…driving on the interstate and traffic comes to an abrupt halt.

She looks over at me and asks “can you not do that?”

Me: “what?”

Her: “Stop so fast!!”

Me: “well I could just smash into the cars in front of us, what are you proposing I do instead?”

Her: Tone.


This happens all the time. She's looking at her phone, and someone swerves into my lane and I have to hit the brakes.

Her: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

Me: Stopping so I don't hit the moron who just cut it front of me. Would you prefer that I just run into them?
4 hours ago, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

What about women?  Do you share women?

If so, we have a board for those stories.

On 8/13/2021 at 4:33 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

When I wasn't looking she took my BBQ pit and my motorcycle

good trade

On 8/12/2021 at 10:06 AM, tbone_ said:

She takes it off at my house.

She makes me put it on at mine.

 

On 8/15/2021 at 4:21 PM, Llogg said:

I know everyone has ways of making their relationships work for them, but I just can't imagine my wife and I having mine and yours designations for fuel or mileage on cars. The only thing we don't share is her clothes. She freely grabs my shirts and hoodies.

So on any given day you walk into the garage and it’s 50/50 on which car you drive, or which one is left after she’s driven off in the other? Y’all don’t have “your car” and “my car?”

On 8/15/2021 at 8:53 PM, TrashMaster G said:

What about women?  Do you share women?

If so, we have a board for those stories.

Or penises....if they're into that.

Or penises....if they're into that.
It works easiest with the ones that are detachable.

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

2 hours ago, Frank The Tank said:

So on any given day you walk into the garage and it’s 50/50 on which car you drive, or which one is left after she’s driven off in the other? Y’all don’t have “your car” and “my car?”

well, we don't but if I drove her car she wouldn't be upset about it. In fact, since my daughter turned 16 it's a crapshoot who drives what car on any given day.

7 minutes ago, Llogg said:

well, we don't but if I drove her car she wouldn't be upset about it. In fact, since my daughter turned 16 it's a crapshoot who drives what car on any given day.

My car??

will smith GIF by Carpool Karaoke: The Series on Apple Music

  • Popular Post

"Were they tied at the start of the 10th?"

  • Popular Post

I went to visit some towns in the Czech Republic and I took this photo. It’s a “prison for quarrelsome and rude women” that was in a cellar under the town square and built in the 1400s. About 25 feet underground.

I thought about that for a long time. I bet those guys would have posted here.

image.thumb.jpeg.eec1d7022f634c2fa21e6e9eee98d3a6.jpeg

 

 

On 8/14/2021 at 5:52 PM, Buzzrock said:


That’s where I’m at.

2039fe96e9cd5a4167d5367bb2d07e41.jpg

Posted earlier but our garage holds my car, my golf cart, and the beer fridge. The third bay is full of her crap so her car stays in the driveway.

Suggestion.

Get a quote to have your garage floor coated and coax your wife into it being a good investment for your home.  That way all the shit in the garage will have to be moved out. She will discover that most of the stuff out there she will not need and boom, to the curb.  You get a new garage floor that looks great, and a clean space for you to drink beer alone in your garage.

Edited by Moby Ric

I went to visit some towns in the Czech Republic and I took this photo. It’s a “prison for quarrelsome and rude women” that was in a cellar under the town square and built in the 1400s. About 25 feet underground.
I thought about that for a long time. I bet those guys would have posted here.
image.thumb.jpeg.eec1d7022f634c2fa21e6e9eee98d3a6.jpeg
 
 

I feel like some fucked up shit went on in there.
4 hours ago, tbone_ said:


I feel like some fucked up shit went on in there.

Baylor-level crap, for sure. 

16 hours ago, Moby Ric said:

Suggestion.

Get a quote to have your garage floor coated and coax your wife into it being a good investment for your home.  That way all the shit in the garage will have to be moved out. She will discover that most of the stuff out there she will not need and boom, to the curb.  You get a new garage floor that looks great, and a clean space for you to drink beer alone in your garage.

I'm not even married and I know that she will look at that clean empty space in the garage and fill it with all new shit.

3 hours ago, Scheiss Meister said:

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

Is she rude?

2 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

Is she rude?

Not in the sense that you mean.  I'm sure that is part of her problem.

Wife's Tahoe has a Garmin GPS on the dash & she keeps her work ID hanging from the power cord, approx. 9", maybe 12" down from the weighted base when not on the job.

Other day: "I want some sort of clip to keep the cord up. This thing keeps sliding around."

Me: "It's because your badge (with mask as an added weight of a feather) is on here & tugs it down with every road bump not helping."

Her: "No, I want to clip the power cord up on the base. That will stop it from moving."

Me: "All you are doing would be to move the weight up 1, maybe 2" inches from the current spot. It will continue to slide due to the weight of the badge clip, the reel, 2 badges & radiology monitor."

Her: "You don't know what you're talking about."

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

On 8/21/2021 at 8:32 AM, Scheiss Meister said:

I have an ex sister-in-law who belongs in there.

Ditto.

  • Popular Post

Didn't know where else to put this but over the weekend

Her : How much is a new dishwasher?

Me : Our wedding was about $10,000. I thought it came with one.

 

tone

 

Anyone else want to punch their wife when you’re not even a step into the door and you “need to hurry up because you’re letting all of the bugs in!”?

3 hours ago, Jameslaw121 said:

Didn't know where else to put this but over the weekend

Her : How much is a new dishwasher?

Me : Our wedding was about $10,000. I thought it came with one.

 

tone

 

In the future we’ll say this about blowjob robots.

On 8/15/2021 at 5:44 PM, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You know you like to wear her panties when she’s not around

the silence of the lambs GIF

  • Popular Post

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 


Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

12 minutes ago, Gil Bang said:

So, it's the GF, not the wife:

We're out running errands on Saturday, and we decide to grab a bite to eat.  We stop at a local pub that has good food.  They have TVs, and there are some games on.  One of the ballgames on TV, they zoom in on the pitcher just as the GF looks up.  She says "OMG, that pitcher looks so young...he looks like he's 12". 


Yes, it was the LLWS on the TV. 

She's not wrong 

Since it’s domestic only there are no 16yo Dominican 12 year olds so she probably was right.

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...
Football ... Basketball ... Baseball ... Other Sports ... Futbol ... 🤫995🤫 ... Gambling ... Movies & TV ... Music ... Hobbies ... Lulz ... Food & Travel ... Daily Texan ... Business & Markets ... Cloak Room ... Help ... For Sale ... Board Discussion ... Advertise... Tailgate Donations

Configure browser push notifications

Chrome (Android)
  1. Tap the lock icon next to the address bar.
  2. Tap Permissions → Notifications.
  3. Adjust your preference.
Chrome (Desktop)
  1. Click the padlock icon in the address bar.
  2. Select Site settings.
  3. Find Notifications and adjust your preference.