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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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15 hours ago, tbone_ said:

Did you do something with my earrings?

That question has been asked of husbands by wives at least a billion times since earrings were invented. A billion times the answer has been no. No husband has ever touched a wife’s earrings in the history of human civilization. Yet the question still comes.

I don't think I've ever been asked that question. Keys, on the other hand, is daily, even though I have my own set for her car because her key ring is fucking massive and can't be carried in one's pocket. It's frankly amazing she's even capable of loosing that monstrosity. 

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13 hours ago, TrashMaster G said:

Every time she asks "Did you do something with my...?"  reply with, "No, but I did something with your sister."

She'll stop asking.

OK, but I'm not sure that she even knows T’Boo Ted Marshall, let alone his sister 

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20 minutes ago, Liteitup said:

Hah, it's too quiet in here, turns on TV, leaves room.

 

It was not too quiet, turned TV off.

Astros weren't playing last night so we are sitting in a quiet room with no TV.  "I can't just sit here in the quiet", she leaves the room to binge watch "Everybody Loves Raymond" in the bedroom.  Worked out for me OK this time.  I can now put in my noise canceling earbuds, and listen to my iPad stuff without someone trying to talk to me about whatever the neighbors kids are up to.

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5 hours ago, msucolt45 said:

Sometimes my best beer drinking “respite” is changing the MFing cat boxes! Empties go in the bags and it takes a while! Married 31 years in two weeks!

Hook’em!!!

'Cleaning the garage' works for me... Especially since I use the leaf blower to sweep out the floor (and therefore can't hear efforts to talk to me about some shit ass problem with the crocker spaniel across the cul de sac) 

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Yesterday, while I was walking through the house towards the door to the garage, with 3 rechargable lawncare batteries in my hands, Wife asks me, "Are you mowing?"

This immediately popped into my head:

 

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Unintentional wife truth telling. 
 

Cleaning up after supper and she tells me to sort the trash differently than I’m doing as I throw shit away. I do not care in the slightest on this and respond in her native language with an idiomatic expression that basically means “anything you want, dear.” 
 

“Oh, that’s a really good expression, who taught you? I never use it!” 

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she tells me to sort the trash differently than I’m doing


I taught my wife early that she can either watch or help me do it the way I want to do it, or she can do it herself. She doesn't get to tell me how to do it. Been fine ever since. If she's tempted, I just stop and ask if she wants to do it. Sometimes she does and I go do whatever I want elsewhere. Otherwise she goes away and leaves me alone.


Short version:

If I'm doing it, then I'll do it my way. Don't like it? Do it yourself.

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Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.
Yep. She even stops to think about it before asking my help with anything because she knows she's relinquishing control. Once I've agreed to help, it's now my thing, not hers. Saves me from a bunch of crap.
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3 hours ago, Modessit said:
3 hours ago, Armybrat said:
Same here, and it has worked for me since 1967.

Yep. She even stops to think about it before asking my help with anything because she knows she's relinquishing control. Once I've agreed to help, it's now my thing, not hers. Saves me from a bunch of crap.

I used to do this too, then I realized it’s still her thing, she just needs a little help. 

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Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

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5 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

She deserves a real dressing down over this one. It's worth the night on the couch.  The dog can keep you company.

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48 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

No water for the dog, but I bet she has multiple glasses around the house at any given time filled with her various drinks.

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13 minutes ago, Grade of D as in David said:

No water for the dog, but I bet she has multiple glasses around the house at any given time filled with her various drinks.

Spot on. There seems to be a glass in each room with either a half of a green juice or a chia seed water. 

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1 hour ago, Vertuzzi said:

Making sure the dog has water in his bowl throughout the day is apparently a very difficult task for someone that works from home. Every day I come home and see a bone dry bowl, so I fill it up for him and he immediately chugs that shit. I ask nicely for her to check on his water bowl throughout the day and I get a death stare. Guess I’m the monster here. 

He ain’t that thirsty or he’d drink out of the toilet. Pansy-ass dog. 

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36 minutes ago, Vertuzzi said:

Definitely a toilet lids closed household but not because of my old lady. It has to do with my OCD for cleanliness and organization. 

If it works for you…👍

We leave our lids up because if I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I’d forget it was closed. 
Or if I had to #2, sitting my balls on a cold lid wouldn’t do the disposition any good.

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20 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

If it works for you…👍

We leave our lids up because if I get up in the middle of the night to pee, I’d forget it was closed. 
Or if I had to #2, sitting my balls on a cold lid wouldn’t do the disposition any good.

Or sitting ON your balls. 

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