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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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7 hours ago, Incredulity said:

related:

Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....

I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

Does she yell "slow down!" Anytime she looks up and sees brake lights even though you are already slowing down?

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Got a call this morning after my wife left the house to take two of the kids to school.  She "clipped a curb" and tore a hole in one of her tires.  Called AAA, but they were going to take an hour to get there and asked if I could come change the tire.  I got there about the same time AAA did, 40 minutes later. I didn't say anything to her, but I did mutter "fucking idiot" when I got off the phone with her. Good times.

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2 hours ago, Ojo Rojo said:

Got a call this morning after my wife left the house to take two of the kids to school.  She "clipped a curb" and tore a hole in one of her tires.  Called AAA, but they were going to take an hour to get there and asked if I could come change the tire.  I got there about the same time AAA did, 40 minutes later. I didn't say anything to her, but I did mutter "fucking idiot" when I got off the phone with her. Good times.

https://michelinmedia.com/michelin-uptis/

 

 

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31 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Except more than once I’ve put my sunglasses on the brim of my hat, and then forgotten where they are. 

Hell, when I was a kid, my family spent 30 minutes tearing up the house looking for my brother's glasses. He was wearing them... and was helping us look.

When my dad finally realized what we'd been doing, he told my brother that he could probably find them if he'd clean all the smudges off his glasses.

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On 4/14/2023 at 12:27 PM, Incredulity said:

related:

Mine likes to let out a loud gasp anytime a car within 50 feet of us turns, enters traffic, changes lanes.....

I still can't avoid tensing up and scanning my field of vision and mirrors for the pending doom upon us.  Extremely aggravating.

At least your wife is aware in a vehicle.  My wife will sit at a green light for 4-5 seconds before realizing it changed.  It drives me nuts and I feel terrible for the people behind us.

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12 minutes ago, ABSR said:

I think he is referring to you letting her drive while you are in the car too.

Oh.  I usually drive, but she’ll insist on it when we’re in a big city or an area with curvy roads.  She gets carsick if she isn’t driving and I don’t enjoy cleaning vomit out of car vents.

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1 hour ago, Al_4_ISU said:

Oh.  I usually drive, but she’ll insist on it when we’re in a big city or an area with curvy roads.  She gets carsick if she isn’t driving and I don’t enjoy cleaning vomit out of car vents.

Yep.  Turning most driving over to my wife has solved most of my driving nuisance issues. Now they are hers.  

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8 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

At least your wife is aware in a vehicle.  My wife will sit at a green light for 4-5 seconds before realizing it changed.  It drives me nuts and I feel terrible for the people behind us.

Wait til she dozes off in the car.  Slam on the brakes and yell "OH MY GOD!".  One of us thought it was hilarious. 

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If I am catching shit for how I drive or things other drivers are doing I'll just mention how it is a miracle when she's not riding with me that I haven't had any major incidents.  Then I follow that by citing my driving/accident record versus hers which leads to no sex.

 

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7 hours ago, Budkudzu said:

Wait til she dozes off in the car.  Slam on the brakes and yell "OH MY GOD!".  One of us thought it was hilarious. 

One of my favorite memories is cruising the hills out by Lake Travis while my wife was latched on her phone and screaming CLIFF as we crested the hill. I still have the bruise on my shoulder eleven years later. Worth it.

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7 hours ago, tx ind said:

If I am catching shit for how I drive or things other drivers are doing I'll just mention how it is a miracle when she's not riding with me that I haven't had any major incidents.  Then I follow that by citing my driving/accident record versus hers which leads to no sex.

 

bill-murray-stripes.gif.61c9f61b2784a3d8abd1d039c7e5e151.gif

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I think Google translate needs to add two more languages, man and woman. My first translation:

Woman: I really don't want to fight about it, but....

Translation to man: I really want to fight about this until you agree with me and then apologize for not agreeing sooner.

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Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.

Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.

 

 

Edited by Dutchrudder
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W: “Hey the garbage disposal is broken.”

CM: “ok what is it doing “

W: “it’s not doing anything”

CM: “ok let’s see”

W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”

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Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.
Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.
 
 

I’d agree as we have so many that we’re completely out of room in the cabinet and have had to shift things around in others to make everything work, BUT… I love the giant 48 oz cups! Holds ice for 24 hours.
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4 hours ago, Dutchrudder said:

Many years ago, I bought my wife and I 32 oz RTIC insulated cups for Christmas or something. It was a great idea, she loves icy drinks, tends to sip on them all day, and these things don't get condensation everywhere. She liked it so much, that she had me buy a second set to always have one available when they are in the wash. I of course buy the exact same cups, same tops, same straws, different colors so everything is interchangeable and simple. Things are good, shelf space required is minimal.

Fast forward 6 years and I just counted 11 different varieties of insulated cups, sizes, tops and straws. Most are not interchangeable. Some are the same brand and look nearly identical, but the tops between the 20 oz and 32 oz are slightly different sizes that don't actually work together. Some are just for water, some are for soda, some are for wine, and others are coffee only. We have so many of these things I don't know what to do with them, but I need to adjust the shelf height in the cup cabinet to fit the new 48 oz Stanley mugs she got from Target. I call these her "Trucker cups", because they are comically large, but we need this size so she doesn't have to fill her water cup as many times during the work day.

 

 

What are the odds she works in an office with a water fountain or ice machine?  

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W: “Hey the garbage disposal is broken.”
CM: “ok what is it doing “
W: “it’s not doing anything”
CM: “ok let’s see”
W: *turns it on, it goes wrrrrrrrr*
W: “see? the sink isn’t emptying and normally it goes WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”
CM: “yeah it looks like there are strawberries stuck in the flange” *pokes with knife*
Garbage disposal:”WRaBAbaBAbAbABaBA”
Your onomatopoeia is beautiful.
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