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  • Buddy sent a text today...said his wife decided to shop vac their fireplace and clean up all the ash. When she finished, she turned around and didn’t realize the shop vac lid wasn’t really seated, so

  • BearCountry11
    BearCountry11

    From earlier this evening...   My father in law lost his cell phone on the golf course this afternoon.  It was raining so we didn’t have much hope it would still be working but he shares the

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My wife is pissed at me because I refuse to screw a 3’x4’ white board into the brick on the side of our fireplace.

5c457ca0da6c7677d0b87d236908a5ba.jpg
You'd better hope she doesn't learn about dry erase whiteboard paint.
3 hours ago, Sandman said:

My wife is always insisting on using the GPS, I told her you've lived here (OKC metro) your whole life, how do you not know where you're going? Fuck, anytime we go somewhere "new", I have to drive because she's too scared to drive in a new place. And sound the alarm if there's any one way streets involved.

I use Waze to take my kid to school. It's only a little over two miles, but it allows me to avoid traffic jams along the usual route.  Sure, that's only once a year, but it's better than him being late.

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

3 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

This shit happens all the time with my wife. If she is driving anywhere and doesn't know the route or is a little lost she calls me and it somehow becomes my fault that she doesn't know what route to take even though she has a car with GPS. 

My favorite occurrence was when she got lost about 2 miles from our house because she took a wrong turn. She called me at work and I looked up google maps so she could tell me what cross street she was at and I could tell her what street to turn on to get back on the main road she knew. 

Me- Turn right on Lott St. and that will take you back to the 7th and you will know where you are

Mrs. Hoffa- It's not Lott St., it's Loft St. 

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next time give her cardinal directions

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

Yep. I can be 100 miles from home and I use GPS. Wife tries to give me shit but when the traffic alert pops up, well worth it.
4 hours ago, tucker said:

Could be a poster.

 

I can’t stop laughing. He loves that truck more than his wife. 

2 hours ago, Modessit said:
2 hours ago, luke duke said:
My wife is pissed at me because I refuse to screw a 3’x4’ white board into the brick on the side of our fireplace.

5c457ca0da6c7677d0b87d236908a5ba.jpg

Read more  

You'd better hope she doesn't learn about dry erase whiteboard paint.

Especially since it doesn't work worth a damn.

2 hours ago, troph said:

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

I'll forgive the ignorance, but this story is the Houston equiv. of "GPS said taking 35  from North of Austin to San Marcos was shorter than taking 130".  You have to know when GPS is trying to Skynet you.

My wife forgot to put the coffee pot into her automated coffee maker this morning. Apparently it has a filter sensor but not a pot sensor.

 

40 minutes ago, Modessit said:

My wife forgot to put the coffee pot into her automated coffee maker this morning. Apparently it has a filter sensor but not a pot sensor.

 

woohoo cofee water all over  woohoo!!!!!

12 hours ago, Apep said:

I use Waze to take my kid to school. It's only a little over two miles, but it allows me to avoid traffic jams along the usual route.  Sure, that's only once a year, but it's better than him being late.

Yes, but she KNOWS where she is going and couldn't possibly be told a better route.......

On 3/12/2019 at 10:36 PM, davidg said:

W: I chose these teams because their names sounded cute

She amazed the bracketologists with her UMBC Retrievers pick last year.

Her: I need to stop by discount tire today.

Me: what for?

Her: my tires are overinflated. They’re supposed to be 35psi, but a couple of them are almost 40psi.

Me: 2Q==

1 hour ago, tejas60 said:

how does she know this? (psi)

Because it’s on the dash. That’s the only reasonable answer.

1 hour ago, tejas60 said:

how does she know this? (psi)

She must be psichic. 

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

She must be psichic. 

sidekick...

On 3/13/2019 at 6:47 PM, troph said:

If you are in the city and not using GPS to avoid traffic problems you’re doing it wrong. She May be using it so she doesn’t have to think and well that’s an understandable reason but driving blind to traffic up ahead is just dumb.

So, about that......

16 hours ago, Player said:

Her: I need to stop by discount tire today.

Me: what for?

Her: my tires are overinflated. They’re supposed to be 35psi, but a couple of them are almost 40psi.

Me:

You should feel fucking ecstatic she actually realized there was a fucking problem.

Does anybody else get the occasional driving to work call to talk to you about nothing?  

15 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Does anybody else get the occasional driving to work call to talk to you about nothing?  

Given that every woman I pass on my way to work is talking on the phone, I'd image this is a real thing

34 minutes ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Does anybody else get the occasional driving to work call to talk to you about nothing?  

My wife is a fan of calling people whom we have plans with, 5 minutes before we arrive, to inform them we will be on time.

23 minutes ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife is a fan of calling people whom we have plans with, 5 minutes before we arrive, to inform them we will be on time.

considering a fuck ton of wives arrive late, I think thats a wonderfully passive aggressive way for her to shame her friends to be on time.

dilly dilly on that.

5 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

considering a fuck ton of wives arrive late, I think thats a wonderfully passive aggressive way for her to shame her friends to be on time.

dilly dilly on that.

I wish that was her thought process.  It's more that she's terrified of committing a faux pas.  I just find it an unnecessary intrusion when she does it to me.  I don't like having to handle the phone call knowing that it's just someone telling me that they are going to do what they told me they were going to do.

That one doesn't bother me, if you're meeting at a restaurant then coordination is fine on who should be putting their name on the list/gonna be time to post up at the bar etc. A text is preferable though. 

3 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Does anybody else get the occasional driving to work call to talk to you about nothing?  

Does anybody have that happen to them...  Really? 

JpQmMFnmgcQl.jpg

18 hours ago, tejas60 said:

how does she know this? (psi)

The boyfriend told her.

5 hours ago, JimmyHoffa said:

Does anybody else get the occasional driving to work call to talk to you about nothing?  

I typically get the "I just left for the store 5 min ago but called anyway to talk" call.

I get the “I’m at the store and I didn’t bother to open the refrigerator or pantry before I left so I’m going to call you once on each aisle to ask you what we need” calls.

1 hour ago, luke duke said:

I get the “I’m at the store and I didn’t bother to open the refrigerator or pantry before I left so I’m going to call you once on each aisle to ask you what we need, and then tell you you're wrong about every answer you give.” calls.

Fixed.

On 3/13/2019 at 1:05 PM, Al_4_ISU said:

I celebrate pork's entire catalog.

Isn't that the only way to get laid in Iowa?

Just kidding, I know a couple of hot chicks from Iowa.

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

13 minutes ago, NorthLoop said:

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

giphy.gif

21 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

You should feel fucking ecstatic she actually realized there was a fucking problem.

   This right here.......

On 3/13/2019 at 10:17 PM, OrangEngr said:

I'll forgive the ignorance, but this story is the Houston equiv. of "GPS said taking 35  from North of Austin to San Marcos was shorter than taking 130".  You have to know when GPS is trying to Skynet you.

  For real. My wife thinks GPS is the 10 commandments. Traffic is in the same place 99% of the time. Find a route that works and stick with it until that route stops being effective. Simple as that. When my daughter sees us running late for things, she asks if daddy can drive. Hasn't taken her long to figure out who gets her to her events on time in her short 10 years.

   My wife thinks her Dad is the master of all things. Thus, she asks his opinion about things way too frequently. This gives him the confidence that he can walk into my house and just start tinkering with shit. Love the guy to death, but he half asses everything he does. That said, I am building a hotrod in the garage. I never work on it when the inlaws come to town. My wife said, "You should have dad help you with your car".

 

Me-

   89e.gif

Edited by Thatguy

7 hours ago, NorthLoop said:

So we have a newborn so she gets to use the "I'm holding the baby" card but Jesus fuck I'm tired of this one... 

I'm busy in the kitchen, or living room, or wherever.. ..... finally done with whatever I'm doing... walk to the couch. Sit down. Grab my phone or laptop. Settle in..... "Hey can you get me a glass of water" ..... can't say shit because she has the baby. 

 

Could you NOT fucking wait until my shit is entirely settled to ask???? 

Always ask if she needs anything before you sit down.

Marriage 101.

1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Always ask if she needs anything before you sit down.

Marriage 101.

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

36 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

Yeah, hand me the fucking baby and go get yourself the glass of water.

 

and while you’re in there, why don’t you just go ahead and make me a sandwich. 

35 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

I’m 15 years in.  Happy and have no problem pulling my weight with household chores or getting my wife a drink if I am headed that way. 

But,  if that what it takes to make it to 40 I am heading to the Divorce thread right now.  What am I a fucking butler?  FUCK that.

 

It works both ways, and we have made it to 51 so far.

And we both don’t have a problem going out of our way for the other....... at any time.

1 minute ago, AM Wood said:

Yeah, hand me the fucking baby and go get yourself the glass of water.

 

and while you’re in there, why don’t you just go ahead and make me a sandwich. 

I laughed and so did Mrs.Brat.

She will make me a sandwich, but said you are on your own.

Watching my wife try to text back and forth instructions and details with our yard guy Juan, who is super cool, but has pretty bad English, is fucking awesome.

4 minutes ago, CoTex said:

Watching my wife try to text back and forth instructions and details with our yard guy Juan, who is super cool, but has pretty bad English, is fucking awesome.

 

fm2nme.gif

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