Jump to content

Official 2022 Bitch about Family - Holiday Insanity


tx 3 putt

Recommended Posts

14 minutes ago, nnm said:

You can’t just drop that in and walk away. 

I was waiting for the reaction to that.  I figured a “Cookie, get a rope…” was coming for sure. 
 

imagine if you posted that on TexAgs.  It’d be more like “Cookie, get the Zyklon-B…”

Edited by Sbbruin
  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

33 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Best: new bromance with my son’s FIL. We were at H-E-B buying cilantro the other day and were playing the get to know you 20 questions game. “My guilty pleasure is Kelly Clarkson.” To which he answered, “mine is George Michaels.” Then we agreed that our biggest regret was not attending more RUSH concerts. My son hit the gold mine with his in-laws; they are a blast, all of them. Great family. And the more I get to know my daughter-in-law, the more I love her.

That and my stepbrother made the brisket using a recipe first scribbled down in Hebrew centuries ago. It crushes anything cooked in smoke.

Worst: 1st Christmas without my dad. We are going to his house for Christmas/Hanukkah brunch with my stepmom. Last night at my stepbro’s house, she looked like you would expect a widow to look on the first Christmas after he soul mate's death. She was staring off into space. Heart-wrenching.

Funniest: everyone took off their shoes last night and were comparing feet. My 13 yr old niece looked at her mom’s, grandma’s, and Aunt’s feet and burst into tears and exclaimed, “My feet don’t look Jewish enough!!” Poor kid lost her grandfather and two great-grandfathers this year.

Creepiest: took my wife, kids, DIL, wife’s BFF, and her daughter to dinner at a well-known west-end neighborhood restaurant. There’s this guy, in his late fifties that I see around town all the time hanging out in the bar sections of all our local restaurants. He and I have, at best, a nodding acquaintance. Anyway he and his buddies (all nearing 60) are eating at a table near ours, and towards the end of the meal, his friend walks up to my wife’s BFF’s 21-year-old daughter, who graduated from college last week, hands her his friends business card, and says “my friend over there thinks you’re hot, give him a call.” I take the business card, take a photo, and text it to my SIL (they are in the same industry and serve on several committees) with a WTF, this dude is a perve; he just hit on Br** in front of her mom, at my family dinner.”

SIL is all, “this will be fun for a long time; I’ll be asking why he interrupts my family’s dinners to hit on young girls, and I’ll wait to ask in the middle of an important board meeting. Probably start calling him Jeff Epstein, too.”

Poor girl just sat there with a glazed look in her eyes, muttering, “I cannot believe that just happened. . .”


Merry Christmas, everybody. About to wake up the family.

Shooters shoot

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Haha 4
Link to comment
Share on other sites

40 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.

Best: new bromance with my son’s FIL. We were at H-E-B buying cilantro the other day and were playing the get to know you 20 questions game. “My guilty pleasure is Kelly Clarkson.” To which he answered, “mine is George Michaels.” Then we agreed that our biggest regret was not attending more RUSH concerts. My son hit the gold mine with his in-laws; they are a blast, all of them. Great family. And the more I get to know my daughter-in-law, the more I love her.

That and my stepbrother made the brisket using a recipe first scribbled down in Hebrew centuries ago. It crushes anything cooked in smoke.

Worst: 1st Christmas without my dad. We are going to his house for Christmas/Hanukkah brunch with my stepmom. Last night at my stepbro’s house, she looked like you would expect a widow to look on the first Christmas after he soul mate's death. She was staring off into space. Heart-wrenching.

Funniest: everyone took off their shoes last night and were comparing feet. My 13 yr old niece looked at her mom’s, grandma’s, and Aunt’s feet and burst into tears and exclaimed, “My feet don’t look Jewish enough!!” Poor kid lost her grandfather and two great-grandfathers this year.

Creepiest: took my wife, kids, DIL, wife’s BFF, and her daughter to dinner at a well-known west-end neighborhood restaurant. There’s this guy, in his late fifties that I see around town all the time hanging out in the bar sections of all our local restaurants. He and I have, at best, a nodding acquaintance. Anyway he and his buddies (all nearing 60) are eating at a table near ours, and towards the end of the meal, his friend walks up to my wife’s BFF’s 21-year-old daughter, who graduated from college last week, hands her his friends business card, and says “my friend over there thinks you’re hot, give him a call.” I take the business card, take a photo, and text it to my SIL (they are in the same industry and serve on several committees) with a WTF, this dude is a perve; he just hit on Br** in front of her mom, at my family dinner.”

SIL is all, “this will be fun for a long time; I’ll be asking why he interrupts my family’s dinners to hit on young girls, and I’ll wait to ask in the middle of an important board meeting. Probably start calling him Jeff Epstein, too.”

Poor girl just sat there with a glazed look in her eyes, muttering, “I cannot believe that just happened. . .”


Merry Christmas, everybody. About to wake up the family.

Mazel. But the corned beef recipe link isn’t loading.

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

8 hours ago, Kennythetiger said:

Did the lotto ticket hit?  

I bought everyone a quickpick for Megamillions this Tuesday, $400 and some-odd million jackpot.

Told my youngest he might be able to afford a 2 bedroom house in San Diego if he wins.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:



Creepiest: took my wife, kids, DIL, wife’s BFF, and her daughter to dinner at a well-known west-end neighborhood restaurant. There’s this guy, in his late fifties that I see around town all the time hanging out in the bar sections of all our local restaurants. He and I have, at best, a nodding acquaintance. Anyway he and his buddies (all nearing 60) are eating at a table near ours, and towards the end of the meal, his friend walks up to my wife’s BFF’s 21-year-old daughter, who graduated from college last week, hands her his friends business card, and says “my friend over there thinks you’re hot, give him a call.” I take the business card, take a photo, and text it to my SIL (they are in the same industry and serve on several committees) with a WTF, this dude is a perve; he just hit on Br** in front of her mom, at my family dinner.”

SIL is all, “this will be fun for a long time; I’ll be asking why he interrupts my family’s dinners to hit on young girls, and I’ll wait to ask in the middle of an important board meeting. Probably start calling him Jeff Epstein, too.”

Poor girl just sat there with a glazed look in her eyes, muttering, “I cannot believe that just happened. . .”


Merry Christmas, everybody. About to wake up the family.

The best part of this is him sending his buddy over to do his creepy work for him like a junior high kid. And that his buddy didn’t wave him off. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 12/20/2022 at 10:10 AM, 4th&Five said:

My folks sent a text to my brother and I last night that they just bought their first new TV in 15 years and we get to set it up on Xmas and then teach them how it works.  Fun!

Update: They don’t know what their Wi-Fi password but “that’s okay because we were going to cancel Netflix anyway.” Also, the place it was supposed to go is too small so it’s balancing on a 2x4. What could go wrong?

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Haha 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Won 200 on a 5 dollar lotetria scratcher. Good times 

Not so good is my nephew was gon a spend Christmas with his dad and gf because the gf got him tickets to the mavs game today. Little guy was very excited for it, well his dad didn't wake up until 1230 because he was up late playing xbox. They were gonna be late so he starts shit to cause a fight and then calls my sister to come pick him up because they aren't going. What a fucking cocksucker, can't believe he was a friend in HS. Got nothing for the kid for xmas other than these tickets and now not going.

Edited by Zepol87
  • Rage+1 8
Link to comment
Share on other sites

51 minutes ago, Zepol87 said:

Won 200 on a 5 dollar lotetria scratcher. Good times 

Not so good is my nephew was gon a spend Christmas with his dad and gf because the gf got him tickets to the mavs game today. Little guy was very excited for it, well his dad didn't wake up until 1230 because he was up late playing xbox. They were gonna be late so he starts shit to cause a fight and then calls my sister to come pick him up because they aren't going. What a fucking cocksucker, can't believe he was a friend in HS. Got nothing for the kid for xmas other than these tickets and now not going.

Life is hard. 
 

for the “dad” it seems. 

Edited by Telegraph_it
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Things were going great then around 2 everyone's phones started blowing up one after one. 

My friend asks me if I was supposed to give her sister a ride. I said no, but apparently her drunk ass is texting everyone that i was and had failed to pick her up.

Luckily everyone there is familiar with her drunk shenanigans so I had no trouble clearing that up. 

No one in in her family really wants her there anyway. If so one of them should have picked her up. 

Anyway, brisket fucking rocked and my beans got a lot of compliments. Also had the best macaroons of my life.

Edited by MissingInAction
  • Hook 'Em 2
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

3 hours ago, Zepol87 said:

Won 200 on a 5 dollar lotetria scratcher. Good times 

Not so good is my nephew was gon a spend Christmas with his dad and gf because the gf got him tickets to the mavs game today. Little guy was very excited for it, well his dad didn't wake up until 1230 because he was up late playing xbox. They were gonna be late so he starts shit to cause a fight and then calls my sister to come pick him up because they aren't going. What a fucking cocksucker, can't believe he was a friend in HS. Got nothing for the kid for xmas other than these tickets and now not going.

Some people in life deserve a beating.  Sorry POS.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

6 minutes ago, ABSR said:

Hey, we realize that to you this means giving 20 blow jobs, but that is a lot of vitriol for only $200.  😁

the kid missing the game, dude.

The cost of the seats is nothing as far as the experience is concerned.  Dad fucked the kid, and it was 100% out of "me-first" bullshit.

Chances kid will get fucked again are estimated at 8:5*.  The dad should have his ass kicked for doing that.

No experience on the blowjob thingy, so whatever the fuck that means is on you, cool breeze.

 

 

 

* completely fabricated stat, but it ain't likely daddio iwll miraculously wake up to his responsibilities if he ignores such a slam dunk opportunity.

Edited by slorch
Link to comment
Share on other sites

11 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

and my stepbrother made the brisket using a recipe first scribbled down in Hebrew centuries ago. It crushes anything cooked in smoke.

Did it happen to say,

הוסף חבילה אחת של תערובת מרק בצל ליפטון

 

 
Edited by dcbc
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Zepol87 said:

Uncle zepol saving the day. I got a bottle of Evan Williams and he's going to spend the night and we are gonna play fortnite. Definitely doesn't make up for missing the game especially when the his ticket was in his stocking and it's his first game but hopefully he doesn't remember

Excellent work Zep.  Stay present with him.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, slorch said:

the kid missing the game, dude.

The cost of the seats is nothing as far as the experience is concerned.  Dad fucked the kid, and it was 100% out of "me-first" bullshit.

Chances kid will get fucked again are estimated at 8:5*.  The dad should have his ass kicked for doing that.

No experience on the blowjob thingy, so whatever the fuck that means is on you, cool breeze.

 

 

 

* completely fabricated stat, but it ain't likely daddio iwll miraculously wake up to his responsibilities if he ignores such a slam dunk opportunity.

They're fantastic, you should definitely ask your wife to give you one sometime.

  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 hour ago, Zepol87 said:

Uncle zepol saving the day. I got a bottle of Evan Williams and he's going to spend the night and we are gonna play fortnite. Definitely doesn't make up for missing the game especially when the his ticket was in his stocking and it's his first game but hopefully he doesn't remember

He's lucky to have you Zep.

 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

21 minutes ago, Wax Beer Cup said:

Follow-up to my Thanksgiving rant.  The ‘caravan’ pup arrived right after Thanksgiving and has been a great addition to our house.  She’s really well behaved for 4-5 months and of course the Fox News loving folks want her around all the time.  No mentions of caravans over Christmas other than my smart ass brother telling me in front of our dad that her name should be Smuggles since she was apparently smuggled across the border 🤣. Haven’t caught up on this thread in a few weeks so have to get to reading.  Hop everyone is having a great Holiday season!  image.thumb.jpeg.81d5e8ef9e1c5bd862602586642cff01.jpeg

 

Cute dog.

Fucking amazing woodwork on those stairs.  Holy shit.

 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

After getting rocked in the nuts for a second time, my patience was running thin with this yippy fucking dog. My dog has less patience with it than I do. 

I actually got some decent gifts from my in laws this morning but did manage to snag a propane tank? OK.

Came back to my folks house so the 6 year old could get his stocking and Santa thing done over here. When we got back to my in laws for dinner, SIL and her boyfriend are literally screaming at each other for some reason. Like dude, you really put up with this bullshit? Apparently his mom hates my SIL (I don’t blame her) and doesn’t want her or their dog to come to her house. We sit down for dinner (dry AF ham, tasteless potatoes and tasteless deviled eggs and half cooked biscuits) and my son starts being 6 and isn’t eating his potatoes. We’ve told him that he at least needs to give it a shot so he can have some dessert. He starts crying and sobbing quietly and just pouting like a 6 year old. Whatever, we’ve all been there, right? We all finish except him and start clearing the table. SIL starts telling everyone that we don’t care about his feelings and he’s upset because we’re acting cold and cruel towards him. My wife finally had enough and told her to “shut the fuck up”. Needless to say, she did.

I’ll find out tomorrow what the resulting conversation was with my other SIL regarding the deadbeat BIL as she was pretty tipsy when I left (I stayed with my folks tonight).

  • Hook 'Em 7
  • Drool 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Day at my stepbrothers started off rocky, but actually went smoothly after a few shots of Crown and Capt. Morgan and cokes. 3 year old nephew was acting like he was afraid of the dogs(Catahoula and Pitbull) even though they're chill, down to earth and are good with children. LOL my BIL tells the nephew, "dogs are man's best friend, stop being a soy boy!" When asked what that means, he explained that a soy boy is a nicer way of calling someone a sissy or pussy. Mom and oldest sister did all the cooking and we all hung out and watched the Packers. Of course, as soon as I arrived early like I planned my stepbrother was in the back room because like every year he hadn't finished wrapping his gifts for the family.... 

Spent the evening at an uncle's house. Badass brisket, chicken wings, sweet potatoes, collard greens, and ribs! Best part of the whole day is that I didn't have to see my brother's idiot bitch half sister. 

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...