Jump to content

Charlie Kirk assassinated at an event in Utah [Professional Job or Crazy Person?]


Recommended Posts

Posted
1 minute ago, Valmy77 said:

I guess. But it just might mean law enforcement is incompetent or was caught unprepared. Going up on a roof with a gun and shooting somebody and running away doesn't take some careful plan. 

We'll see.

I have deep expertise from watching Barry and that Jackyl reboot with Newt Scamander, and I think that the trick is that you shoot somebody and run away without fucking up at all

Posted
3 minutes ago, immamac said:

If Charlie Kirk was doing such good things while he was alive why does he have to be unalive to get this medal? 

There were concepts of a plan to give him the award but Trump never got around to it.

Posted
32 minutes ago, T-shirt Sip said:

As of the moment of this post, I haven't seen that the shooter was caught so give me some liberty if he has. I'm on page 11.  Wouldn't it be great if Charlie was banging some married chick and this was just her husband? 

The guy who shot at turnip wasn’t a leftist. Kirk’s murderer might have been, I don’t know. But, in this batshit country, it is possible the murderer targeted Kirk from the lunatic right. Here’s one such Payday making the case that Kirk had stabbed turnip in the back.

 

image.thumb.png.50a5765859169a190fbaa85753db560f.png

Posted
Just now, Celery Man said:

I have deep expertise from watching Barry and that Jackyl reboot with Newt Scamander, and I think that the trick is that you shoot somebody and run away without fucking up at all

Sometimes you get lucky.

Posted
20 minutes ago, Hookah Horns said:

SIAP but spate

His wife was formerly Miss Arizona so it's not like he was an incel. I wouldn't be surprised if he had sex appeal to the maga ladies due to his terrible ideas, not his looks. 

I mean, it’s hard to argue that his fully quaffed, Kruger-esque features were nothing if not impressive

spacer.png

Posted
18 minutes ago, Macklemore said:

No matter how much you neg my baby, you still won’t be able to stop me from using all of your recommendations from the London Food & Travel thread for my trip next spring. You’ll have to deal with the fact that my wife and I are going to have a great time thanks to you. It will be her first trip to London, you’re going to make it special with your hotel and restaurant recs. Maybe I’ll DM you pictures of the fine Sunday Roast will be having.


This is a deeply weird post. The best thing you can do with a neg rep is, hear me out, ignore it

  • Hook 'Em 4
Posted
1 minute ago, 956 Worldwide said:

I wish it would get more public traction. It’s instructive to read through the whole case against Benny Johnson and others who got “duped” into taking Russian intelligence funding. It’s really jarring to see how mercenary and fake all this is. 
 

These new-wave influencers log off and talk metrics and reach and impressions. I don’t mean to say that they don’t have genuine political leanings but what they say isn’t real to them. It’s a numbers job, they are going to do a deep dive into the data, see what hits, which segment got the most rewatches, what went viral. And then say more of that. 
 

But out there in the land of medical bills and failed marriages and dingy strip malls and hunts for college scholarships and layoffs, people fire up their reels and X and to them it’s real. It creates monsters and I wish more of them realized they were watching people doing kayfabe. 

What's the name of that other, less well known influencer? Pool? Cheong? Can't recall which one it was but he got his start promoting progressive ideas and almost starved to death, flipped the switch and said he was 'converted' (I am skeptical) and the cash poured in as twitter was on the ascent back then. Met the devil at the crossroads I guess.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
19 minutes ago, Chopper said:

Today in magat world they're taking the death of an guy who espoused hatred and violence, and are using it to force people to mourn his death and trying to punish them if they don't adequately comply. They're also confused about "not being sufficiently mournful" and "celebrating."

 

Oh, I’m mournful, alright, but not for that asshole. I’m mourning for what his life, and now his death, mean for our country.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 1
Posted
4 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

What's the name of that other, less well known influencer? Pool? Cheong? Can't recall which one it was but he got his start promoting progressive ideas and almost starved to death, flipped the switch and said he was 'converted' (I am skeptical) and the cash poured in as twitter was on the ascent back then. Met the devil at the crossroads I guess.

Tim Pool and Lauren Southern and Tenet Media. 

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
It was the alphabet people. I just won a $10 bet if anyone is curious.



Seems legit.

In fairness, there’s likely no better way to honor Kirk than a misinformation campaign targeting transgender individuals.
Posted
6 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

On a more general note, I was contemplating that there's no Charlie Kirk (or Tucker Carlson or any of a dozen others) on the left.  And the corollary thought that they need someone to "tell them how to think."

I think the first proposition is accurate and that leads to the second and prompts the question why is it this way?

And maybe in a blinding glimpse of the obvious, deep down people know that most of the hateful "conservative" positions these days are just that, hateful and inhuman.  Despite our natural tendency to avoid or even demonize "other," I think most people also have enough of a moral compass to know when ideas are at best suspect if not outright immoral.

So, "the right" needs someone(s) to "make it ok" to harbor and act upon inhumane if not immoral thoughts.  To justify racism.  To justify inhumanity to queer people and minorities and the poor.

This is what "say the quiet part out loud."  The quiet part is quiet because people know that it is fundamentally wrong, deep down inside.  So they need someone to justify it for them.  To make it OK.

It's like little kids and young people doing racist things like the "SAE song."  It's fun because it's naughty.  It's naughty because it's wrong and they know it.  And they can be naughty with mostly minimal consequences.

This is not to say that there aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, and hard core racists out there that have zero qualms or reservations about this kind of shit.  But sort of the average person needs that justification real bad.  And Trumpco provides it.

And yeah gonna quote myself here.

Even more benign conservatism needs some of this, some people to explain why we can't have all the nice things, why you can't vote for free ice cream at every lunch and three-hour recess.

Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

On a more general note, I was contemplating that there's no Charlie Kirk (or Tucker Carlson or any of a dozen others) on the left.  And the corollary thought that they need someone to "tell them how to think."

I think the first proposition is accurate and that leads to the second and prompts the question why is it this way?

And maybe in a blinding glimpse of the obvious, deep down people know that most of the hateful "conservative" positions these days are just that, hateful and inhuman.  Despite our natural tendency to avoid or even demonize "other," I think most people also have enough of a moral compass to know when ideas are at best suspect if not outright immoral.

So, "the right" needs someone(s) to "make it ok" to harbor and act upon inhumane if not immoral thoughts.  To justify racism.  To justify inhumanity to queer people and minorities and the poor.

This is what "say the quiet part out loud."  The quiet part is quiet because people know that it is fundamentally wrong, deep down inside.  So they need someone to justify it for them.  To make it OK.

It's like little kids and young people doing racist things like the "SAE song."  It's fun because it's naughty.  It's naughty because it's wrong and they know it.  And they can be naughty with mostly minimal consequences.

This is not to say that there aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, and hard core racists out there that have zero qualms or reservations about this kind of shit.  But sort of the average person needs that justification real bad.  And Trumpco provides it.

I don't think they stay quiet because they know it's wrong.  They stay quiet because they know what the reaction will be to them outing themselves as misogynists and bigots.  They don't want those consequences.

Edited by Ojo Rojo
  • Hook 'Em 2
Posted

Apparently the authorities have clear video of the perp and are using facial recognition on it; will release to public for help if that doesn't work. Seems like it's only a matter of time now.

  • Hook 'Em 1
  • Like 1
Posted
1 minute ago, Valmy77 said:

I don't know if that is the tone of DT thread. I don't recall posting "midterms secured." 

Just going by what the President and other national leaders have said. I don't put you posters in that category.

I'm referencing daltxhornfan

11 hours ago, DalTxHornFan said:

R's just won the midterms today.

 

  • Rage+1 1
Posted (edited)
9 minutes ago, Willfully Horn said:

The guy who shot at turnip wasn’t a leftist. Kirk’s murderer might have been, I don’t know. But, in this batshit country, it is possible the murderer targeted Kirk from the lunatic right. Here’s one such Payday making the case that Kirk had stabbed turnip in the back.

 

image.thumb.png.50a5765859169a190fbaa85753db560f.png

Holy fuck. 

Take a position and defend it to the death is such a profoundly stupid thing to say. Is she Russian? 

 

Edited by B00M
  • Like 1
Posted
36 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

Not to disrespect the deceased too much but I don't think he was attractive in that kind of way.

Spedific to the investigation; how much can the higher ups (officials) be trusted to report the facts on the perpetrator vs spin it to spiral up the divisiveness? I don't have a lot of confidence.

16 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

I knew he was married and not an incel, and perhaps I am naive, it just seems less likely to have relationship issues be the cause of the violence. The talk in Orem was the start of the TP tour and given what we now know about the site and security, it just seems more probable to be a mentally agitated individual, either wishing to foment increasing violence or someone who took exception to his rhetoric.

Crime of passion in a situation like that wouldn't result in somebody using a rifle and shooting them from 200 yards away. It would be up close and personal and not at a rally like this.

 

14 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

I mean he already gave Rush Limbaugh one. Might as well.

The dignity of that award has long since been trashed.

And Miriam Adelson and Rudy Giuliani and ...

  • Rage+1 1
Posted
12 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

They are making this asshole a martyr. The guy that said black people were better off as slaves..

its more about the timing.  He is convenient to their game plan.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
1 minute ago, Hookah Horns said:

Apparently the authorities have clear video of the perp and are using facial recognition on it; will release to public for help if that doesn't work. Seems like it's only a matter of time now.

What if he had a mask? 

Posted
5 minutes ago, Chuckie Finster said:


Seems legit.

In fairness, there’s likely no better way to honor Kirk than a misinformation campaign targeting transgender individuals.

This is going to end up being like that aggy who carved the backward B in her face.

Posted
10 minutes ago, Dnaguy said:

I mean, it’s hard to argue that his fully quaffed, Kruger-esque features were nothing if not impressive

spacer.png

Seen this photo thousands of times and the episode probably 50 times.

 

Mrs. K  Ueger would get it.  

 

Shes probably on the market by now given his skin conditon.

  • Haha 1
Posted
9 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

What's the name of that other, less well known influencer? Pool? Cheong? Can't recall which one it was but he got his start promoting progressive ideas and almost starved to death, flipped the switch and said he was 'converted' (I am skeptical) and the cash poured in as twitter was on the ascent back then. Met the devil at the crossroads I guess.

Dave Rubin and Jimmy Dore. Tim Pool was never really on the left, but he definitely mined that "why I left the left" gold. 

Posted
11 minutes ago, Mrs Whiggins said:

What's the name of that other, less well known influencer? Pool? Cheong? Can't recall which one it was but he got his start promoting progressive ideas and almost starved to death, flipped the switch and said he was 'converted' (I am skeptical) and the cash poured in as twitter was on the ascent back then. Met the devil at the crossroads I guess.

It was Cheong, he was a nazi on early forums (literally claimed he was a banana and explained it: yellow outside white inside)

Turned woke because he was starving, including a hilarious moment of him white knighting a booth girl

Returned to his nazi roots when that cottage industry started out.

Posted
Just now, Gourmand said:

Dave Rubin and Jimmy Dore. Tim Pool was never really on the left, but he definitely mined that "why I left the left" gold. 

Rubin fooled me for a hot second. I really thought he was a leftist who just wanted to have discussions with rightwing people. LOL. What a dishonest jerk.

Posted
14 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

On a more general note, I was contemplating that there's no Charlie Kirk (or Tucker Carlson or any of a dozen others) on the left.  And the corollary thought that they need someone to "tell them how to think."

I think the first proposition is accurate and that leads to the second and prompts the question why is it this way?

And maybe in a blinding glimpse of the obvious, deep down people know that most of the hateful "conservative" positions these days are just that, hateful and inhuman.  Despite our natural tendency to avoid or even demonize "other," I think most people also have enough of a moral compass to know when ideas are at best suspect if not outright immoral.

So, "the right" needs someone(s) to "make it ok" to harbor and act upon inhumane if not immoral thoughts.  To justify racism.  To justify inhumanity to queer people and minorities and the poor.

This is what "say the quiet part out loud."  The quiet part is quiet because people know that it is fundamentally wrong, deep down inside.  So they need someone to justify it for them.  To make it OK.

It's like little kids and young people doing racist things like the "SAE song."  It's fun because it's naughty.  It's naughty because it's wrong and they know it.  And they can be naughty with mostly minimal consequences.

This is not to say that there aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, and hard core racists out there that have zero qualms or reservations about this kind of shit.  But sort of the average person needs that justification real bad.  And Trumpco provides it.

A thing I think about all too often these days is that the founding fathers, mostly slaveowners, knew slavery was evil. They knew it was a deep moral stain on themselves and the country. They benefited from it greatly and most weren't willing to make the personal sacrifice that giving up their "property" would require of them, but the fact that chattel slavery was evil was a widely held understanding. Yeah, there were assholes who didn't really care about the morality of it at all because they got theirs, but nobody really thought it was morally Good.  

Over the next ~90 years, southerners spent a great amount of mental and emotional energy coming up with all sorts of rationalizations for why slavery was actually good and proper and in accordance with God's plan and the natural order of things. That's the function that Charlie Kirk served.

  • Hook 'Em 3
  • Like 1
Posted
3 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

Sigh.
They were always going to get their Reichstag fire and martyr. Law of averages and all that. They were waiting for it, and now they are running their play.
I find FASCINATING the outcry about “we must stop the hateful rhetoric that leads to politician violence!”
People like my family are demonized as vernin and invaders (including by the subject of this thread). RESULT: slaughter of dozens in El Paso by a man who openly stated he was killing invaders. Calls from the right to “tone down inflammatory political rhetoric”: zero.
Jews are demonized by many of this same voices as engineering an immigration invasion as part of a “great replacement” plot. RESULT: mass murder of Jews at Tree of Life, by a man who stated that was his reason for doing so. Calls from the right about toning down their rhetoric…zero.
Buffalo, and the murder of black people who were demonized as leeches bringing down our society. Same situation.
Assassinations of sitting legislators in Minn, motivated by their “leftist” actions which harm our country. Same situation.
So, forgive me if I find the calls of “dangerous political rhetoric is bad! It must stop!” from the very same people who revel in it as disingenuous.
They’re not wrong. They’re just disingenuous. If they actually believed that, they would have criticized the relentless tide of political rhetoric - including by the subject of this thread - demonizing brown people as invaders poisoning the blood of our country.
They don’t believe that. And that’s a big problem. It’s why we are where we are, and there’s no going back. This climate is what we want.
I’ll remind you of Brisket’s Laws: it only gets worse, and there is no bottom.
This relentless plummet never should have started. Because this is always, ALWAYS, how it ends.
This is going to be used to repress, through abuse of government power, and outright force and violence, the “evil opposition” (as people within the admin are already calling anyone who opposes them). This is how it ends. This was always going to be how it ends.
You’ve gotten what you wanted, what was inevitable when you decided to walk down the road of hate and demonizing rhetoric. Plenty of us said we shouldn’t do that. Our warnings were not just ignored, they were mocked.
So be it. Here we are. It’s pretty awful, isn’t it? Don’t worry. It gets worse.

It really makes me understand the apathy and desire of Russians to be non-political.

But if Russian history proves anything, being non-political and just trying to get along to get along will not save you. Eventually you are going to have to turn in your friends to the Cheka or be sent to the Ukrainian front.

  • Rage+1 1
Posted

once again leaning hard into the dunning kruger of my movie and video game expertise and my own bias towards what I want to be true vs what may actually be true, I'm having a hard time reconciling the guy who shoots from 200 yards and then disappears into a nondescript vehicle never to be seen again with the guy who carves political messages about "trans ideology" into his ammunition. And also just thinking about how that is exactly the kind of fever dream "they're just like us but the opposite" shit that MAGA folks imagine "leftists" would do.

  • Hook 'Em 3
Posted
8 minutes ago, immamac said:

What if he had a mask? 

Doesn't sound like that's the case, but who knows. Would've been the smart move; there are cameras everywhere these days, especially on college campuses.

Posted
3 minutes ago, Valmy77 said:

Rubin fooled me for a hot second. I really thought he was a leftist who just wanted to have discussions with rightwing people. LOL. What a dishonest jerk.

Virtually nobody doing anything in front of a camera or a microphone for a wide audience is 100% honest. Literally nobody doing it for a right wing audience is remotely honest. 

Posted (edited)
25 minutes ago, Willfully Horn said:

The guy who shot at turnip wasn’t a leftist. Kirk’s murderer might have been, I don’t know. But, in this batshit country, it is possible the murderer targeted Kirk from the lunatic right. Here’s one such Payday making the case that Kirk had stabbed turnip in the back.

There's speculation about groypers. Which...wtf is a fucking groyper.

 

Edited by Chopper
  • Like 1
  • Rage+1 1
Posted
6 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

once again leaning hard into the dunning kruger of my movie and video game expertise and my own bias towards what I want to be true vs what may actually be true, I'm having a hard time reconciling the guy who shoots from 200 yards and then disappears into a nondescript vehicle never to be seen again with the guy who carves political messages about "trans ideology" into his ammunition. And also just thinking about how that is exactly the kind of fever dream "they're just like us but the opposite" shit that MAGA folks imagine "leftists" would do.

 

  • Like 1
  • Rage+1 1
Posted
10 minutes ago, wildcat09 said:

A thing I think about all too often these days is that the founding fathers, mostly slaveowners, knew slavery was evil. They knew it was a deep moral stain on themselves and the country. They benefited from it greatly and most weren't willing to make the personal sacrifice that giving up their "property" would require of them, but the fact that chattel slavery was evil was a widely held understanding. Yeah, there were assholes who didn't really care about the morality of it at all because they got theirs, but nobody really thought it was morally Good.  

Over the next ~90 years, southerners spent a great amount of mental and emotional energy coming up with all sorts of rationalizations for why slavery was actually good and proper and in accordance with God's plan and the natural order of things. That's the function that Charlie Kirk served.

When the young man heard this he went away sorrowful, for he had great possessions.

Posted (edited)
8 minutes ago, Chopper said:

There's speculation about groypers. Which...wtf is a fucking groyper.

 

 

 

Had to look it up: The Groypers, sometimes called the Groyper Army, are a group of alt-right, white nationalist, and Christian nationalist activists led by Nick Fuentes

 

Tomlin’s post was a bit of a non sequitur to me.  I’d have no difficulty believing an anti fascist and/or trans rights fringe nut targeted Kirk, but don’t follow how this ties into groypers.

Edit: Thanks @Gourmand, that clears things up for me.

Edited by Willfully Horn
Posted
1 hour ago, Post Oak said:

bullshit-bullshit-man.gif

He was an abhorrent, hateful, revolting piece of shit.

Didn't deserve to be gunned down 

Thank you for specifically calling this out, I had to stare at that for several seconds to make sure I read it correctly.

This is a man who said the civil Rights act was a mistake and if his daughter was raped and impregnated that he would force her to carry the child to birth.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted

and again hesitating because I know that i don't want the shooter to be a real life version of the imaginary leftist bogeyman and so that's surely influencing my thoughts but

 

there's messages carved into the ammo inside the rifle wrapped in a towel that they found in the woods? If he was leaving behind messages wouldn't he leave them at the scene? Or is this like the pork fat bullet to send muslims to hell, which once again - MAGA fever dream shit. That doesn't make sense. It also follows the Hunter laptop format of creating some physical item to assign the message to in order to make it convincing for the rubes. It said it on the rifle!

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
Just now, Willfully Horn said:

Tomlin’s post was a bit of a non sequitur to me.  I’d have no difficulty believing an anti fascist and/or trans rights fringe nut targeted Kirk, but don’t follow how this ties into groypers.

This group had been upset with Kirk for awhile, the Groypers, and part of their deal is to pretend to be far leftists in order to provoke the kind of unrest they want. I believe that is the idea.

But I have no idea. Obviously the fact that the potential murder weapon has that kind of thing written on the ammo is very bad one way or the other.

  • Like 1
Posted
33 minutes ago, TwiceHorn said:

On a more general note, I was contemplating that there's no Charlie Kirk (or Tucker Carlson or any of a dozen others) on the left.  And the corollary thought that they need someone to "tell them how to think."

I think the first proposition is accurate and that leads to the second and prompts the question why is it this way?

And maybe in a blinding glimpse of the obvious, deep down people know that most of the hateful "conservative" positions these days are just that, hateful and inhuman.  Despite our natural tendency to avoid or even demonize "other," I think most people also have enough of a moral compass to know when ideas are at best suspect if not outright immoral.

So, "the right" needs someone(s) to "make it ok" to harbor and act upon inhumane if not immoral thoughts.  To justify racism.  To justify inhumanity to queer people and minorities and the poor.

This is what "say the quiet part out loud."  The quiet part is quiet because people know that it is fundamentally wrong, deep down inside.  So they need someone to justify it for them.  To make it OK.

It's like little kids and young people doing racist things like the "SAE song."  It's fun because it's naughty.  It's naughty because it's wrong and they know it.  And they can be naughty with mostly minimal consequences.

This is not to say that there aren't sociopaths, psychopaths, and hard core racists out there that have zero qualms or reservations about this kind of shit.  But sort of the average person needs that justification real bad.  And Trumpco provides it.

The left has been light years behind the gop on kirk types for over a decade.  Hence last months recent Wired article about millions in left shadow money to gin up as many influencers/podcasters to begin towing a company line

 

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted
Just now, Celery Man said:

and again hesitating because I know that i don't want the shooter to be a real life version of the imaginary leftist bogeyman and so that's surely influencing my thoughts but

 

there's messages carved into the ammo inside the rifle wrapped in a towel that they found in the woods? If he was leaving behind messages wouldn't he leave them at the scene? Or is this like the pork fat bullet to send muslims to hell, which once again - MAGA fever dream shit. That doesn't make sense. It also follows the Hunter laptop format of creating some physical item to assign the message to in order to make it convincing for the rubes. It said it on the rifle!

maybe take a beat and let things play out and be patient before winding yourself up in these different ways. at least that's how I'm approaching it, because the alternative is just "what if'ing" a dozen scenarios.

  • Hook 'Em 1
Posted

I don't care if the shooter is left or right in politics. None of that changes any of the underlying politics and policies that impact real people's lives. That's all theater concern.

If it turns out to be a right-wing psycho who planted that stuff as a false flag, what difference will it make? Will it change anything about how the opportunists approach this? Of course not. It's irrelevant. 

Stop acting like truth matters to these people.

  • Hook 'Em 4
  • Like 1
  • Rage+1 3
Posted
1 minute ago, BurgleBro said:

The left has been light years behind the gop on kirk types for over a decade.  Hence last months recent Wired article about millions in left shadow money to gin up as many influencers/podcasters to begin towing a company line

 

Yeah. Frankly at this point leftwing and centrist political parties have to do this kind of thing. Why they don't have their own bot farm armies is beyond me. Or they might.

It is terribly unethical, and possibly illegal, but that is the world they have to compete in.

Posted
39 minutes ago, immamac said:

If Charlie Kirk was doing such good things while he was alive why does he have to be unalive to get this medal? 

It is all performative to get the base behind him again.  Ignore the increased cost of living.  Ignore Epstein.  Ignore the shit show with Russia.  Ignore the shit show with Israel.  

To be clear I am not claiming that the Administration had anything to do with this act but they sure are going to take advantage of it to change the narrative and to go on the attack.   

Posted
5 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

and again hesitating because I know that i don't want the shooter to be a real life version of the imaginary leftist bogeyman and so that's surely influencing my thoughts but

 

there's messages carved into the ammo inside the rifle wrapped in a towel that they found in the woods? If he was leaving behind messages wouldn't he leave them at the scene? Or is this like the pork fat bullet to send muslims to hell, which once again - MAGA fever dream shit. That doesn't make sense. It also follows the Hunter laptop format of creating some physical item to assign the message to in order to make it convincing for the rubes. It said it on the rifle!

Bro, Luigi did the same shit.

Posted

SIAP but that whole patchatouli manifesting things sure makes one think the simulation is completely messing with us:

The article by feminist blogsite Jezebel below was posted online on September 8th; they've since put a disclaimer on it, but daaaang.

https://www.jezebel.com/we-paid-some-etsy-witches-to-curse-charlie-kirk
 

Quote

 

Editor’s Note: This story was published on September 8. Jezebel condemns the shooting of Charlie Kirk in the strongest possible terms. We do not endorse, encourage, or excuse political violence of any kind.

--------

The internet has ruined me in a thousand ways, but one of its strangest gifts is that I can now buy a curse as easily as I can buy a phone charger. On the mystical website Etsy, you can find a spell for just about anything. Don’t want it to rain on your wedding day? There’s a spell for that. Want the man who cheated on you to develop an incurable rash? Or premature balding? The Etsy coven has you covered.

But the internet has its downsides. Exhibit A: Charlie Kirk. Maybe it’s his obsession with telling women what to do or his aggressively large head, but the far-right podcaster’s presence is more irritating than most. That’s when I remembered: there’s Etsy.

These days, witches cater to more than just personal grudges. And it’s not uncommon for them to channel their energy toward thwarting Republicans (there’s even a subreddit devoted to casting nightly hexes on Trump). Are you interested in punishing Kirk for the years of regressive rhetoric he’s shouted at America’s youth and anyone within earshot? Here at Jezebel, we’re about to find out if there’s a spell for that.

 

The article continues and it's a little long, but I'll spoiler the rest...

Spoiler

If you’ve never heard of him (I envy you), he debates college kids for sport, pops up on Fox News, and founded the right-wing conspiracy theory factory Turning Point USA. Billed as a “nonprofit,” Turning Point is less about charity and more about funneling far-right propaganda into dorm rooms under the guise of “educating” young voters. Through these various ventures, Kirk has transformed into a reliable pawn, parroting Project 2025 talking points and championing the owning-of-the-libs. He’s basically a fake news vending machine with a terrible haircut. Sadly, Trump’s re-election only ensured I’d be seeing more of that godawful haircut.

A cornerstone of Kirk’s nightmare ideology is his insistence that, since gaining more independence, Western women are more miserable than ever. He tells auditoriums full of young women that our freedom is a flaw, not an achievement. He’s obsessed with declining birth rates and idealizes the 1950s, when women’s only “job” was tending to children and husbands. If we all abandoned our careers and returned to motherhood, we’d be happier, according to Kirk. Indeed, he fails to realize that I would be happiest if he would just shut up.

Throughout history, society has branded bold and assertive women as witches to silence them. Since Kirk already assumes every liberal, college-educated woman is a feminist witch hellbent on destroying civilization—even recently declaring that the “Jezebel spirit has just infected an entire generation of young ladies” (shoutout!)—we’re reclaiming it. If Kirk wants a villain, I’m more than happy to be the hag of his nightmares.

Now, is it ethical to curse a man I’ve never met? Probably not. But is it unethical to let him keep talking? Yes. So here we are, in the gray area.

I want to make it clear, I’m not calling on dark forces to cause him harm. I just want him to wake up every morning with an inexplicable zit. I want his podcast microphone to malfunction every time he hits record. I want his blue blazers to suddenly all be one size too small. I want one of his socks to always be sliding down his foot. I want his thumb to grow too big to tweet. To ruin his day with the collective feminist power of the Etsy coven would be my life’s greatest joy.

Naturally, I did what any serious journalist would do: I typed “curse enemy” into Etsy’s search bar. Five thousand results.

The options were endless. Should I try “Karmic Revenge,” “Same Day Bad Luck Curse,” or “Insanity Hex?” Or my personal favorite, simply: “HEX Republicans.” The reviews were their own kind of magic. One five-star review for aCareer Crusher Curse” read: “She has such a sweet, charming, bubbly personality… j’adore 🧚🐉💕” So, not exactly the witches of Salem. These Etsy witches were streamlined for the internet age and spoke fluent emoji.

Then I found the crown jewel: “Shit Your Pants Spell.” Review: “It really worked. Thank you.” At that point, it was clear I’d need to order multiple curses, at different severity levels and price points, to guarantee results.

After placing my first spell, “MAKE EVERYONE HATE HIM,” I was left with more questions than answers. How long would it take to kick in? Should I have splurged for a pricier spell to make it work faster? Shortly after, the witch messaged me trying to upsell me a $50 “spell booster.” When I asked what it did, she explained it would “amplify the energetic support” of the main spell, or else I could let it unfold “in its natural timing.” I decided to trust the witch’s will.

For the “POWERFUL HEX SPELL,” I had to provide Kirk’s date of birth for “accuracy.” The witch performed the hex, but her response was unsettling: “I just completed your spell, and it was successful. You will see the first results within 2–3 weeks. However, I did notice disturbances… negative energy not only from you, but projected at you. Likely from toxic family members, co-workers, or new acquaintances.”

I panicked. I replayed recent encounters: the barista at my coffee shop? She’s always rude, so probably not. Then I read the rest of the message: “Would you like to purchase a protection spell?”

Another upsell. These witches weren’t just spellcasters; they were saleswomen. And they had perfected the (dark) art of the deal.

I reached out to a third witch, Priestess Lilin, for clarification. She explained: “The differences in prices aren’t really about ‘better/faster’ magic, but rather the complexity of the spell work,” she told me in an Etsy message. “Some workings are small, focused intentions with minimal tools, while others are more intricate and involve rarer ingredients, more time, and sometimes even repeated castings to build up and direct the energy for our clients.”

I wonder what ingredients she used to curse Charlie. A MAGA hat submerged in flames? An IUD? And if enough people cursed a single person, would the results be stronger? When I asked her if she’d noticed more political figures being targeted these days, she said yes: “Clients often turn to spells when they feel unheard or powerless in the usual systems. Our magic becomes both a personal release and a way of reclaiming control,” she wrote. “Whether the target is a boss, an ex, or a public figure, the underlying current is the same… People want to shift the energy in their lives and the world around them.”

And there I was, in the year of our Lord 2025, staring at my computer, chatting with a witch on Etsy about the state of the world, hoping that somewhere between the cosmos and the internet, justice would be served.

The next day, the Priestess sent me her proof of cast: a photograph in flames, the edges slowly curving inward, engulfing Charlie’s ridiculous scrunched-up little face. She whispered (I imagine), “Trust the unseen.” Chills.

I’d timed the purchase perfectly with the August new moon in Virgo. According to the astrology girls on TikTok, this specific new moon is the perfect time for forming new habits and aligning goals. My personal goal? Cursing Kirk. The stars were aligned.

Sunday, August 24, passed. Nothing. Monday, still nothing. Tuesday rolled around, and I began to wonder if I’d been scammed. But then I reminded myself: this is witchcraft, not Amazon. The forces operate on their own schedule.

By Wednesday, I checked Charlie’s socials to see if he was spouting anything new. And, of course, he was. This time, he was weighing in on Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce’s engagement, tweeting, “Young women should get married just like Taylor Swift is planning to. You will be happier.” Then, on an episode of The Charlie Kirk Show, he told THE Taylor Swift to “Reject feminism. Submit to your husband, Taylor.”

It dawned on me: the witches didn’t even need to curse him. The Swifties will handle him now, and let’s be real, the Swifties are much scarier. Or was siccing the Swifties onto Kirk the curse actually working…?

Then there was more.

According to ABC4, Utah State University students launched a petition to bar Kirk and Turning Point USA from visiting the campus on his college tour. “Charlie Kirk, a highly polarizing figure, does not align with the core values and ideology that Utah State University strives to epitomize,” the petition reads.

The petition was launched on Friday, August 22, and had already been signed over 3,800 times. Could this be the “MAKE EVERYONE HATE HIM” at work?

Then I saw a tweet that certified the results. “His head is getting bigger,” the post read, alongside the clip of Kirk telling Swift she’s “not in charge.”

I believe this is it. Slowly over the course of the coming months, the circumference of Kirk’s head will increase inch by inch until he becomes a literal human bobblehead. Or maybe it keeps growing until it eventually pops. Either way, it feels… appropriate.

So, did my Etsy curses work? Time will tell. The forces move in mysterious ways, and as the Priestess reminded me, “Spellwork is a collaboration between the caster, the client, and the universe itself.” For now, we can only trust in the timing of the great unknown.

A special thank you to the witches of the modern age, who work tirelessly to hex Republicans and topple conservative regimes (and the occasional ex-boyfriend). Your work is appreciated.

And to you, Mr. Kirk: May the rash come swiftly.

 

 



×
×
  • Create New...