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Wally Fairway

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Just using Surly as someplace to vent....

If you've seen some of my other posts then you know my oldest son is in the Guard; well he just called me and said that he had volunteered to take a slot in a different unit that will deploy into an active area (and support ops in war zone), and today he was notified all his paperwork was approved and that he's decided to to the "Army" thing and marry his GF (who has 2 kids, not his - biologically) before he goes. 

I mean the Guard has been great for him - one weekend a month, 2 weeks in the summer and it pays for his college, but shit is about to get real(er). So in next couple of months he's going to get married, have a ready-made family and ship out for a year. That sounds like a clusterfuck to me - which makes complete sense since he's in the Army.

Just yesterday everything seemed normal.....I've got to quit answering my phone when he calls.

Convince me that this marriage isn't doomed to fail - married for maybe 4 or 5 weeks, then gone for a year.

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Best of luck to him. Takes a special kind of woman to stay married to someone in the service. Do you think she's up to it? Is she the type to be grateful for having a guy who'll take her and her kids as his own? My own experience with marrying someone who already had a kid was that kid is never "yours". Never. I say that because when we divorced that relationship of pseudo-dad and son ended too. At that point he was just a friend of sorts. We kept in touch for some years but it gradually died.

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Quote
Poor old granddad
I laughed at all his words
I thought he was a bitter man
He spoke of woman's ways
 
...
 
The can can's such a pretty show
They'll steal your heart away
But backstage, back on earth again
The dressing rooms are gray
...
Poor young grandson, there's nothing I can say
You'll have to learn, just like me
And that's the hardest way

Ooh la la, ooh la la la yeh
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was younger
I wish that I knew what I know now
When I was stronger

Ooh La La The Faces

Some days this song tears my heart out.

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It is doomed - but that's OK.

He's going to get to live off base and get BHA (Basic Allowance for Housing) and she's gonna get Tricare.  Nice starter marriage.

For comic relief (and a whole bunch of truth) you need to check out https://www.reddit.com/r/JustBootThings/top/?t=all and https://www.reddit.com/r/justdependathings/top/?t=all 

According to reddit, once he has the wife all he needs is to buy her a Dodge Charger financed at 29.99% for her boyfriend jody to drive while your son is deployed and his life will be complete.

In all seriousness, who can predict these things?  My son gets his commission this time next year so I'm in a sorta similar situation, he's trying to decide if his college GF is THE ONE. . .she's headed to Vet school and he's headed to wherever the Army sends him.

Post imagePost image

 

Edited by BearSchlong

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Wouldn’t worry too much about his safety, odds are he’ll come home safe, even from a war zone.

The marriage will be over in 5 years tops. Off the top of my head I can think of at least 4 friends or family who were in the military and married at some point. 100% divorce rate. Seriously. 

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Is the previous baby daddy still in the picture?

Is the future baby daddy in the picture yet?

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At least he probably doesn’t have too many assets to take during the divorce. 

My cousin and several others in his unit did the same thing during his deployment. They all ended up in divorce. 

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First rule of military marriage is NEVER come home from any deployment, maneuvers etc.. without giving notice. Don't surprise the wife unless you want some surprises.

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I wonder what the actual divorce rate is among armed forces personnel. . .I mean, a system where you basically have to have a wife in order to maximize cash flow. . .if you look on it from that perspective, who cares if they stay married?

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I wish I could tell you I thought it would turn out okay, but I can’t. I have a nephew in the army who did that. He married a camp follower with 3 kids and had two more with her. While he was deployed to Iraq she drained the bank accounts, took all his shit and the kids and moved to Alaska to shack up with some guy. He finally got divorced from her and now at least has visitation rights, but his shit was all gone. Six months after his divorce was final he did it again. This camp follower only has two kids though.

 

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Yeah, I hate to be an asshole, but the odds are horrible that this marriage will work.  I got married when in the Marines and was divorced in 6 years.  Many of my friends went through similar shit.  My oldest (from that first marriage) is in the Air Force and I made him promise me that he wouldn't get married during his first enlistment.  The pay sucks and the wife will fuck you over as soon as you deploy.  My oldest has been in for 7 years or so and is still single.  He did get involved with a girl that has a couple of kids but he broke it off after a couple of months and his realization that she's a piece of shit and a bit crazy.  Anyway, here's to the upcoming nuptials.  I seriously hope I'm wrong, but I doubt it.

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I wanted to add that you may want to tell him to wait until after the deployment.  A deployment will tell him everything that he needs to know about her.  If she's still around and hasn't shacked up with someone else, then maybe it's okay.  However, if he says that SHE can't wait and wants to be married before he leaves, then she's likely going to spend every fucking cent that he makes while deployed.  Also, the Army won't send him home to fix shit if his wife is fucking around.  That can make for a VERY long deployment.

Edited by You don't know me

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I'm not going to try to convince you of shit. I'm just going to say this: It is no longer your responsibility to protect him from his actions. It is now your responsibility to allow him the dignity of experiencing the consequences of his actions. 

 

So sayeth the divorced LTC. 

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My parents married quickly before deployment and the damn marriage only lasted 53 years. One of them just went off and died.

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Don't know anything about the OP's situation, but I do know that every army guy in killeen thinks he's Captain Save-a-ho. 

And i work with one lady who's son has done this not once, but twice. 

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5 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

It is doomed - but that's OK.

He's going to get to live off base and get BHA (Basic Allowance for Housing) and she's gonna get Tricare.  Nice starter marriage.

For comic relief (and a whole bunch of truth) you need to check out https://www.reddit.com/r/JustBootThings/top/?t=all and https://www.reddit.com/r/justdependathings/top/?t=all 

According to reddit, once he has the wife all he needs is to buy her a Dodge Charger financed at 29.99% for her boyfriend jody to drive while your son is deployed and his life will be complete.

In all seriousness, who can predict these things?  My son gets his commission this time next year so I'm in a sorta similar situation, he's trying to decide if his college GF is THE ONE. . .she's headed to Vet school and he's headed to wherever the Army sends him.

Post imagePost image

My brother is the only person I really know that did the whole commissioned officer thing, but based on that, almost all the posts here and especially this one are totally accurate. 

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6 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

Just using Surly as someplace to vent....

If you've seen some of my other posts then you know my oldest son is in the Guard; well he just called me and said that he had volunteered to take a slot in a different unit that will deploy into an active area (and support ops in war zone), and today he was notified all his paperwork was approved and that he's decided to to the "Army" thing and marry his GF (who has 2 kids, not his - biologically) before he goes. 

I mean the Guard has been great for him - one weekend a month, 2 weeks in the summer and it pays for his college, but shit is about to get real(er). So in next couple of months he's going to get married, have a ready-made family and ship out for a year. That sounds like a clusterfuck to me - which makes complete sense since he's in the Army.

Just yesterday everything seemed normal.....I've got to quit answering my phone when he calls.

Convince me that this marriage isn't doomed to fail - married for maybe 4 or 5 weeks, then gone for a year.

Wally, google "dependasaurus".   

Now, I've been an army dad through 2 combat deployments.  One before he was married to a terrific woman, one after the marriage.  

The second was better.   It's awesome if a deployed solder has somebody to count on back home, taking care of shit.

Your son probably won't have that.  I take no pleasure in telling you that.  It's probably going to make his deployment much, much more difficult.


What is his MOS?

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Doomed?  Of course.  Has nothing to do with anything but a man and woman making dumb decisions.  Who here hasn't gotten divorced, military or not?

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6 hours ago, El Diablo said:

First rule of military marriage is NEVER come home from any deployment, maneuvers etc.. without giving notice. Don't surprise the wife unless you want some surprises.

I heard from a chick that was married to a military dude that they will tell you one date that you are coming back but always delay it a couple of days. Cuts way down on the surprises to have that buffer. She was crazy and divorced the guy when he was overseas. Left the house empty. Took the light fixtures and every appliance.

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6 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I wonder what the actual divorce rate is among armed forces personnel. . .I mean, a system where you basically have to have a wife in order to maximize cash flow. . .if you look on it from that perspective, who cares if they stay married?

It's got to be high.  I served in the '90s, and when I look at my friends on Facebook that I served with, out of the around 20 or so who were married early on I would be surprised if 5-10 were still married to the same woman.   Out of those still married, it's not something I've studied, but my gut says they didn't reenlist either, and weren't around for Afghanistan/Iraq.  I am kind of curious, although I wouldn't want to study my friends' relationships, but I seriously doubt any of my friends who were married in the 90s, and who stayed in and eventually ended up in Afghanistan or Iraq, were still married to the same woman here in 2019.   Deployments wrecked a lot of their marriages for one reason or another.

Completely anecdotal, and it was peacetime when I went through basic and finished my enlistment, but holy shit were they a marrying bunch of guys.  We had guys who were enlisting because they got their high school girlfriends pregnant and married them, because back then, the military was considered a decent place if you got a girl pregnant, and had nothing more than a high school education.  We had plenty of guys who married bored local girls - girls who probably thought we were their ticket out of that shithole, only to find themselves being transferred to another shithole.  Plenty of guys who married daughters of older soldiers (probably got them pregnant, and probably carrying on some kind of cycle).

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@Wally Fairway Tell him to stay far the fuck away from buying any cars and/or credit card applications.

Try and somehow lock that shit down, because based on the experience of friends, his wife is going to go to town on his credit.  He'll come home $20,000 in debt.

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29 minutes ago, atomheartbevo said:

@Wally Fairway Tell him to stay far the fuck away from buying any cars and/or credit card applications.

Try and somehow lock that shit down, because based on the experience of friends, his wife is going to go to town on his credit.  He'll come home $20,000 in debt.

Yeah...my kid's in leadership, and some bumpkin showing up in a used Camaro, Mustang, or F250 with a 24% APR isn't uncommon.  

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On 7/24/2019 at 12:58 PM, Wally Fairway said:

Just using Surly as someplace to vent....

If you've seen some of my other posts then you know my oldest son is in the Guard; well he just called me and said that he had volunteered to take a slot in a different unit that will deploy into an active area (and support ops in war zone), and today he was notified all his paperwork was approved and that he's decided to to the "Army" thing and marry his GF (who has 2 kids, not his - biologically) before he goes. 

I mean the Guard has been great for him - one weekend a month, 2 weeks in the summer and it pays for his college, but shit is about to get real(er). So in next couple of months he's going to get married, have a ready-made family and ship out for a year. That sounds like a clusterfuck to me - which makes complete sense since he's in the Army.

Just yesterday everything seemed normal.....I've got to quit answering my phone when he calls.

Convince me that this marriage isn't doomed to fail - married for maybe 4 or 5 weeks, then gone for a year.

Hey Wally, thinking about this a bit more.  Where will he be posted?  Will the wife and her kids be staying back at home?  I think most folks that have been in the situation would agree that it's ideal when the wife and kids are on post, instead of living back in some other town.   You want them surrounded by other women and other kids that are in the same boat.  The women support each other, the kids play together, etc. AND, they keep and eye on each other.  If you're fucking around, word travels fast. 

   If the wife is living in some apartment complex in Houston, Dallas, where ever, that support or whatever you want to call it doesn't exist.  Instead of going out for a drink with the other army wives, she's going out with her single friends that are all cruising for cock.  It's not good.   She's raking in the BAH and doesn't "feel" married.  He needs to get base housing and move her ass next door to another deployment family.  

Last deployment, my DIL was living on Ft. Polk, and she was very active with the other families and in the FRG (Family Readiness Group).  They watch each other's kids, pick up shit for each other in town, have regular potlucks, borrow a cup of flour, etc.   It's a good thing. 

Edited by Gil Bang

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2 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

Doomed?  Of course.  Has nothing to do with anything but a man and woman making dumb decisions.  Who here hasn't gotten divorced, military or not?

Ha, can't get divorced if you've been married.

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Have your son watch this video in its entirety:

Might be a little over the top, but damn nearly everything he's spitting is truth.

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7 hours ago, Texas_Rocks said:

Jody don’t give a fuck.

 

But seriously...yeah that’s a lot to take in.

This what my little brother who left the Army as a Sgt wrote about this thread:

 

Some of the comments were pretty good. But the last one is “Jody don’t give a fuck.” That’s patently false. 

Jody is the god damn Red Cross of fuck giving. If there is a lonely wife/gf/husband/bf Jody is there to provide all their fucking needs.

Of course until such loneliness is rectified by a return from deployment.

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Thanks for the thoughts and laughs, I'll reply to a few

@BearSchlong - you are dead-on  they want a Hellcat (but they aren't since it isn't easy to put the car seats in for the kids - LMFAO)

@SDG - he is young his assets include a truck (with a mortgage), and paid off motorcycle, quad and bicycle. And his truck is lifted and there is no way his GF/Wife can even drive it. 

@Gil Bang - MOS 91Bravo (mechanic) his unit is basically the motorpool, but he's transferring into 67J (medi-vac) unit to support their vehicle/generator maintance (but he can also be a window gunner, if needed).
also for Gil - he is a hometown hero (aka National Guard) so there is no base to live on, and although there is some FRG support but nothing like there would be if he was full-time stationed on a base.

To everyone mentioning Tricare - that is one of the big reasons for the marriage; well that and the Army rule that they will not give any information to her if she is "only" his girlfriend.

And to update how the planning is going - they've found a place and set a wedding date, nothing says traditional marriage more than a Thursday night ceremony with a spirtualist friend show is licensed to marry folks. I'm expecting this to be full out Bud Light and taco dinner party afterwards.

He and I have had some serious no bullshit conversations about money (no new credit cards), he want me to have financial POA as the GF has no concept of money, as she never has had any; and we've had a several conversations that they had better not get pregnant before he deploys because that shit will ruin a marriage and tear that boy up to be away...so wrap it up, twice just to be sure.
But I'll look to the folks here for other items I need to cover in the next 10 weeks before he ships.

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he's the target audience for the adage "young, dumb, and full of cum".  young adults make plenty of mistakes, young adult males make most of the mistakes.  the hope is that the mistakes do not burden the rest of their lives.  

me thinks the drama is just beginning.

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14 hours ago, Buffsoldier said:

I'm not going to try to convince you of shit. I'm just going to say this: It is no longer your responsibility to protect him from his actions. It is now your responsibility to allow him the dignity of experiencing the consequences of his actions. 

 

So sayeth the divorced LTC. 

 

Yeah, all you can do is hope you raised them right once you release them to the world. Advice is about all you can offer, it's up to them to make the choices. It's not easy but the way it has to be. 

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1 hour ago, JimmyHoffa said:

 

Yeah, all you can do is hope you raised them right once you release them to the world. Advice is about all you can offer, it's up to them to make the choices. It's not easy but the way it has to be. 

Absolutely right.  I'm surprised at how much of my advice that my oldest in the Air Force actually listened to.  We were fortunate that he didn't make any major screw ups before he started heeding my advice.

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You can't protect your children from everything and anything. When you make your bed, you will lie in it. That's something a lot in my generation refuse to accept.

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As a dad, I bet you have more influence on your son, than you can imagine.

His military decision can't be argued, nor should it.....he's too be commended for that.

However, he will rue the day on the marriage decision.....hopefully, 1 or 2 straight-forward father/son discussions will influence him on this topic. (the earlier adoption suggestion was a bad suggestion)

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If there is truly strength in the bond between both participants in the relationship, it will endure the deployment and a temporary postponement on matrimony.  Fancy way of saying if it's meant to be, waiting a period of time won't matter.  If not, better to know now.  

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21 hours ago, Wally Fairway said:

Just using Surly as someplace to vent....

If you've seen some of my other posts then you know my oldest son is in the Guard; well he just called me and said that he had volunteered to take a slot in a different unit that will deploy into an active area (and support ops in war zone), and today he was notified all his paperwork was approved and that he's decided to to the "Army" thing and marry his GF (who has 2 kids, not his - biologically) before he goes. 

I mean the Guard has been great for him - one weekend a month, 2 weeks in the summer and it pays for his college, but shit is about to get real(er). So in next couple of months he's going to get married, have a ready-made family and ship out for a year. That sounds like a clusterfuck to me - which makes complete sense since he's in the Army.

Just yesterday everything seemed normal.....I've got to quit answering my phone when he calls.

Convince me that this marriage isn't doomed to fail - married for maybe 4 or 5 weeks, then gone for a year.

Jody will keep her company while he's gone.

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23 minutes ago, former alkie said:

As a dad, I bet you have more influence on your son, than you can imagine.

His military decision can't be argued, nor should it.....he's too be commended for that.

However, he will rue the day on the marriage decision.....hopefully, 1 or 2 straight-forward father/son discussions will influence him on this topic. (the earlier adoption suggestion was a bad suggestion)

pussy is undefeated at that age.  i tried to talk a buddy out of marrying a complete bitch.  i even backed out on being his best man.  he still went through with the marriage because pussy.  marriage was horrible, cheated on her with various strippers, and divorced.  lucky for him, no kids because she didn't want kids after telling him pre-wedding how much she loved and wanted kids.

you can lead dumbass who is dying of thirst to water but you cannot make him drink.

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