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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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16 hours ago, elfenix said:

Wawa is Philly/New Jersey. Decent cheap sandwiches in their stores too.

They are all over Florida too, expanded for where there clientele spends the winters. Just for the record I have seen people backed up like that when the pumps are full and someone on one of the front ones is hanging over too much so you can’t quite get to it. Not saying that’s the case here though since there is a female involved.

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5 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

Confused fridge and Ruby ridge?

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9 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

We are replacing the appliances in a rental we are selling. Wife posted pics on Facetron and had been doing all the communication.

She set up for the fridge to be picked up today and casually asks me to bring my 9 mm. Who the hell have you been talking to?

She's been talking to me, must have got us confused cuz she always asks me to bring my 9

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27 minutes ago, fuggled said:

On Thursday my wife tried to mow our backyard ( A for effort). She got halfway through and said the mower stopped. As a fix, she added oil to it. "Why?" I asked. "I dunno." She still couldn't start it.

Fast forward to today (Saturday). I pull the mower out and check the oil. It's several inches above the fill line. I show her.

Her: Oh, I get it. Sorry. By the way, that small red jug next to the big gas tank is the oil that's supposed to go in the mower, right?
Me: That's the gas for the leaf blower...FML.
Her: Well, maybe you should label it.
Me (showing the small red gas tank to my 8 year old daughter: What's that say, sweetie?
Daughter: gas-o-line

Reaction GIF: stare, afraid, Chris Pratt

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3 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

Hot wives don’t mow back yards. 

They might mow a front yard if there’s enough traffic or sexy neighbors to see them in short shorts and a sports bra. 

When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.

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When I first started living with the 2nd ex she would always mow the yard in a bikini.  The neighbor man told that it really pissed off his wife, but he didn't mind.
My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.
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Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

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My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

I won’t have to drive by. I’ll just hack your cameras the way I did your Netflix account.
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4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Wife can't deal with work emails like normal human beings, even completely innocuous ones; they require the perfect time and headspace to be dealt with.

 

Like if something pops up on her phone and we gotta go somewhere -- "ohhhhh we can't leave for another 30 minutes I have to reply to this email"

"why, what's it about?"

"someone asked if I'm available for a meeting on Wednesday...."

 

Uhh...your answer to that is either Yes, No, or propose another time.  Why does it take 30 fucking minutes to think through?

 

 

i hate my job bored at work GIF

On days your wife gets 10 or more work emails.^

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She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

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19 hours ago, markstanco said:

My wife likes to mow a small section in the front yard with the push mower, tank top and no bra.

I expect EE2B to drive by every 15 minutes each Saturday.

You're telling us she uses a razor to shave her pubes in a landing strip, aren't you?

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1 hour ago, markstanco said:

Use your imagination. She's the hottest 47 year old you know. Still can sport a 2 piece like she is 28.

Since you apparently suck at this, maybe EE2B will remember his camera next time.

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10 hours ago, Pato del Muerto said:

She came home yesterday with two 5 gallon redbud trees that we weren’t looking for and don’t need, because they were marked down to $10. They require afternoon shade, which we can’t really give them, so they likely will die within a year. 

Im about to go out and dig 2 holes for the trees but maybe if I also dig a grave sized hole her decision making may become more conservative. 

Sam's amirite

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HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

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HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.
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11 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
31 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

I see that you're a "glass is half-full" kinda guy. I dig that outlook!

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28 minutes ago, MNLonghornFUKM said:
48 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

Read more  

Well... she carries into prison a 1-0 record in chicken.

Actually 1 and 2.

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57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

south-park-s07e14c11-butters-break-up-16

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57 minutes ago, Steel Shank said:

HOUSTON (AP) -- Authorities say a 26-year-old Houston woman who was driving an SUV toward her children in an apparent game of "chicken" struck and killed her 3-year-old son.

Harris County prosecutors said Friday that Lexus Stagg is charged with criminally negligent homicide in the June 11 death of her son.

They say surveillance video from an apartment complex shows Stagg getting into a Lincoln Navigator, then backing up. As her three young children began running after her, she drove the SUV forward. Two children moved out of the way, but the 3-year-old was caught under a tire.

More like Lexus Drag amirite.

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