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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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Motherfucking mongoloids that can't chew with their mouth closed. Sitting at Pluckers watching the World Cup game earlier and some fresh off the boat Long Duck Dong motherfucker squeezes into a spot next to me and starts eating wings with a fucking fork. Over the sound of a World Cup game in a sports bar, I could here this dude eating food. Sounded like the Houston 500 over there. 

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Hate when I’m walking through H-E-B or Home Depot and someone is trying to sell me some new windows or get me to change electric companies or some other shit. Fuck y’all, I want to be able to grab my beer or fertilizer or whatever without being bothered by your solicitation.

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2 things here. First off, this dumb bitch does not need this motorized cart. She isn't handicapped. She's just a fat slob taking up the already narrow aisle space.

Second, why does the whole entire family need to go shopping? And this isn't even all of them. They take up the entire aisle and just being fucking annoying. 00ffd3daf90176b55b126fcedfcb6815.jpg6ea71600cc1c810530c190fed7f27a42.jpg

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Hospital employees are the worst.  The will put about ten different abbreviations on their email signature.  RN, CRNA, CPR Certified, etc.
I have a vendor that has no fewer that 100 words in his email signature. I'll try to remember and post it next week with the blur.
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On 6/29/2018 at 12:39 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:
On 6/27/2018 at 10:30 PM, Celery Man said:
People throwing away things other than paper towels in the bin for the paper towels that is combined with the paper towel dispenser.  
2014052110462152720.jpg
Ah, here is where I will dispose of my cardboard box.

This is a great one. We have charter buses with bathrooms that have the small bin made for moist towelettes and tp wrappers...not McDonalds bags and your large cup that take up 80% of the space. Fuckheads

On the flip side, fuck places that have small trash cans where a large one is required.  Our lunch rooms at work have cans under the counter, which have about a 10" diameter hole for the trash to fit through.  Can probably only fit about a dozen wadded up Whataburger bags into one of them.

If we have Jason's Deli trays or pizza or whatever for work meetings, there's no place for the empty boxes to go, except to sit out on the tables until the janitors roll by late in the afternoon.  

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24 minutes ago, Redneck Mutha said:

On the flip side, fuck places that have small trash cans where a large one is required.  Our lunch rooms at work have cans under the counter, which have about a 10" diameter hole for the trash to fit through.  Can probably only fit about a dozen wadded up Whataburger bags into one of them.

If we have Jason's Deli trays or pizza or whatever for work meetings, there's no place for the empty boxes to go, except to sit out on the tables until the janitors roll by late in the afternoon.  

Even the big ones, people fuck it up.  Hey, you got a new... monitor and it came in a bigass cardboard box.  Standing on its end, it technically fits in the one giant trash can.  Fuck you still.  Break it down, take it with you to the elevator, go down to the basement, put it in the recycling dumpster.  You can leave it next to your desk until you have a 5 minute window of time when it will be healthy for you to fucking move around for a bit.

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6 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

There's a woman in my office who walks in the door talking on her cellphone EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Loud enough so everyone in the office can hear about what her shitty little kids are doing/have done. Finish you fucking conversation in the car before you walk in FFS!!!

It'll never happen. Some people are so afraid of being alone they can't even walk from their car to a building without talking to someone.

I feel sorry for them. Talking to people sucks.

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Guest Lobo
7 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

There's a woman in my office who walks in the door talking on her cellphone EVERY. FUCKING. DAY. Loud enough so everyone in the office can hear about what her shitty little kids are doing/have done. Finish you fucking conversation in the car before you walk in FFS!!!

Next time you're driving home or leaving home for work...really take a look at the other drivers just in your immediate neighborhood.  Between 7-9am and 4-6pm.  Peak times...Watch how many of them are texting/looking at their phone a few hundred yards from their home, with children they know on the streets, going 20-40mph.  It's insane.  It'll make you sick to your stomach.  We all do it at red lights.  We all do it when we're not moving on MoPac.  But watch how many of your friends and neighbors do it in plain sight right where you live.  They were just at home and could have easily looked at their phones.  Or they'll be home in 30 seconds and can look at their phones then.  But they can't help it, they have to be on their phones just yards from their home, where they have a great chance at hitting a kid that their kid plays with.  

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Cars with auto start/stop and it being defaulted on

In a rental pulling out of the lot into a busy street and almost get in wreck because the damn car stutters for a second starting back up.  Now I have to turn that damn thing off every time I get in the damn car

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Three fat bitches and some beaten down cuck with one of them at a restaurant Saturday night.  All three women talking loudly in a margarita fueled hen party, punctuated with the fattest one letting loose with an ear splitting cackle every minute or so.  Oblivious to people turning around and giving the stink eye.  After one particularly shrill screech, even Bill the bartender, who is usually the most chill of dudes, said "Jesus Fucking Christ."

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13 hours ago, Smax said:

Cars with auto start/stop and it being defaulted on

In a rental pulling out of the lot into a busy street and almost get in wreck because the damn car stutters for a second starting back up.  Now I have to turn that damn thing off every time I get in the damn car

lmao. im not sure what to think about this new era of cars....but initial thought after finding out that these things die at stop lights and start when you proceed is its damn stupid.

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14 hours ago, Smax said:

Cars with auto start/stop and it being defaulted on

In a rental pulling out of the lot into a busy street and almost get in wreck because the damn car stutters for a second starting back up.  Now I have to turn that damn thing off every time I get in the damn car

Somewhat related. I rented a Toyota Camry a few weeks back that had the lane assist or whatever it's called. The thing that keeps you from drifting into the other lane while you're reading Facebook while driving. At least that's the only reason I can think this "feature" is needed.

Anyway, it's pouring rain outside and every time I passed someone on the highway, I'd signal to change lanes, and then when I would start to move over the fucking car would jerk back the other way. Couple that with soaking wet roads and the first couple of times it happened it caught me by surprise and I felt like I was losing control of the car.

Finally pulled over and turned that stupid fucking shit off. Why do you need lane assist to kick in when you're actually changing lanes. Infuriating.

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Somewhat related. I rented a Toyota Camry a few weeks back that had the lane assist or whatever it's called. The thing that keeps you from drifting into the other lane while you're reading Facebook while driving. At least that's the only reason I can think this "feature" is needed.

Anyway, it's pouring rain outside and every time I passed someone on the highway, I'd signal to change lanes, and then when I would start to move over the fucking car would jerk back the other way. Couple that with soaking wet roads and the first couple of times it happened it caught me by surprise and I felt like I was losing control of the car.

Finally pulled over and turned that stupid fucking shit off. Why do you need lane assist to kick in when you're actually changing lanes. Infuriating.

Mine disangages when I turn my signal on. I still turn it off even though it's only a warning chime and not active intervention on my car.

 

Traction control has saved my ass a few times, but I find all of the other nannies useless.

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1 hour ago, Okie State said:

Mine disangages when I turn my signal on. I still turn it off even though it's only a warning chime and not active intervention on my car.

 

Traction control has saved my ass a few times, but I find all of the other nannies useless.

On my Accord I turned lane departure off while driving home from the dealer and never regretted it

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2 hours ago, TornACL said:

Somewhat related. I rented a Toyota Camry a few weeks back that had the lane assist or whatever it's called. The thing that keeps you from drifting into the other lane while you're reading Facebook while driving. At least that's the only reason I can think this "feature" is needed.

Anyway, it's pouring rain outside and every time I passed someone on the highway, I'd signal to change lanes, and then when I would start to move over the fucking car would jerk back the other way. Couple that with soaking wet roads and the first couple of times it happened it caught me by surprise and I felt like I was losing control of the car.

Finally pulled over and turned that stupid fucking shit off. Why do you need lane assist to kick in when you're actually changing lanes. Infuriating.

so you can read facebook and change lanes at the same time

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4 hours ago, TornACL said:

Somewhat related. I rented a Toyota Camry a few weeks back that had the lane assist or whatever it's called. The thing that keeps you from drifting into the other lane while you're reading Facebook while driving. At least that's the only reason I can think this "feature" is needed.

Anyway, it's pouring rain outside and every time I passed someone on the highway, I'd signal to change lanes, and then when I would start to move over the fucking car would jerk back the other way. Couple that with soaking wet roads and the first couple of times it happened it caught me by surprise and I felt like I was losing control of the car.

Finally pulled over and turned that stupid fucking shit off. Why do you need lane assist to kick in when you're actually changing lanes. Infuriating.

Did not know the computer controlled the steering.  I have it in my truck, but its a vibration in my seat, that is all.  

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When you purchase a case of bottled water, which looks perfectly normal in the store, only to get it home and realize that every fucking bottle has somehow been crushed enough within the case to have none of them be able to stand up on their own individually once removed from the case.

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20 minutes ago, Patricio Swayze said:

When someone hears my wife and I talking or one of us talking to our kids in Portuguese and they say “oh you speak Spanish?”

Or when it comes up that my wife is from Brazil and the other person says “oh, so she speaks Spanish?”
 

It's doubly odd to me because Portuguese doesn't really sound that much like Spanish.  It's proven time and time again that the two Romance languages that sound the most similar to the untrained ear are Italian and Spanish.  Portuguese probably has more in common with Catalan, but that's another story.  And then there's the whole other issue, of which you are certainly aware, that Brazilian/Colonial sounds quite different from Lisbon/Oporto...what an American may have heard on an European tour at some point.  

I've got some family from all over the Iberian peninnsula and I've never understood why those two languages get meshed together.  They are really quite different.  Over the years, Italian and Spanish have begun to blend in my ear. Even Romanian tilts more towards Spanish than Portguese, IMO.  French is really the outlier for so many reasons.  Anyway, I can see your surliness.  

 

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It's doubly odd to me because Portuguese doesn't really sound that much like Spanish.  It's proven time and time again that the two Romance languages that sound the most similar to the untrained ear are Italian and Spanish.  Portuguese probably has more in common with Catalan, but that's another story.  And then there's the whole other issue, of which you are certainly aware, that Brazilian/Colonial sounds quite different from Lisbon/Oporto...what an American may have heard on an European tour at some point.  
I've got some family from all over the Iberian peninnsula and I've never understood why those two languages get meshed together.  They are really quite different.  Over the years, Italian and Spanish have begun to blend in my ear. Even Romanian tilts more towards Spanish than Portguese, IMO.  French is really the outlier for so many reasons.  Anyway, I can see your surliness.  
 


It is odd to me as well. Obviously Galegos/Gallegos/Galician (and portunhol on the Brazilian frontier) complicated things because it really is a mix of both languages. However, Portuguese and Spanish sound rather distinct. Continental Portuguese is all fucked up sounding.

The biggest head scratcher is if this happens in front of someone from mexico or Central America and they start immediately speaking Spanish to us. I just assume they think we are speaking some weird Spanish dialect from a remote mountain region of Chile.
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