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America's Loneliness Epidemic


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America has an issue with loneliness, which causes lots of societal ills. I think so much of our lifestyle (inadvertently) has led to this. Part of being mobile and productive means there is so much less time and emphasis placed on maintaining relationships.

https://www.hhs.gov/about/news/2023/05/03/new-surgeon-general-advisory-raises-alarm-about-devastating-impact-epidemic-loneliness-isolation-united-states.html

"United States Surgeon General Dr. Vivek Murthy released a new Surgeon General Advisory calling attention to the public health crisis of loneliness, isolation, and lack of connection in our country. Even before the onset of the COVID-19 pandemic, approximately half of U.S. adults reported experiencing measurable levels of loneliness."

The physical health consequences of poor or insufficient connection include a 29% increased risk of heart disease, a 32% increased risk of stroke, and a 50% increased risk of developing dementia for older adults. Additionally, lacking social connection increases risk of premature death by more than 60%.

This Surgeon General’s Advisory lays out a framework for the United States to establish a National Strategy to Advance Social Connection based on six foundational pillars:

Strengthen Social Infrastructure: Connections are not just influenced by individual interactions, but by the physical elements of a community (parks, libraries, playgrounds) and the programs and policies in place. To strengthen social infrastructure, communities must design environments that promote connection, establish and scale community connection programs, and invest in institutions that bring people together.

Enact Pro-Connection Public Policies: National, state, local, and tribal governments play a role in establishing policies like accessible public transportation or paid family leave that can support and enable more connection among a community or a family.

Mobilize the Health Sector: Because loneliness and isolation are risk factors for several major health conditions (including heart disease, dementia, depression) as well as for premature death, health care providers are well-positioned to assess patients for risk of loneliness and intervene.

Reform Digital Environments: We must critically evaluate our relationship with technology and ensure that how we interact digitally does not detract from meaningful and healing connection with others.

Deepen Our Knowledge: A more robust research agenda, beyond the evidence outlined in the advisory, must be established to further our understanding of the causes and consequences of social disconnection, populations at risk, and the effectiveness of efforts to boost connection.

Cultivate a Culture of Connection: The informal practices of everyday life (the norms and culture of how we engage one another) significantly influence the relationships we have in our lives. We cannot be successful in the other pillars without a culture of connection.

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Very old Harvard study started 60-70  years ago followed hundreds of males throughout their lives.  As the men aged in to their 70's+, the one common theme among those that lived the fullest, happiest lives, was the existence of male/male (no gay) relationships.  In other words, guys need their guy time.  Whatever it is, poker night, beers, ball games, running, hunting club (which is really drinking and poker at my place), etc..

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15 minutes ago, jdhorn92 said:

Very old Harvard study started 60-70  years ago followed hundreds of males throughout their lives.  As the men aged in to their 70's+, the one common theme among those that lived the fullest, happiest lives, was the existence of male/male (no gay) relationships.  In other words, guys need their guy time.  Whatever it is, poker night, beers, ball games, running, hunting club (which is really drinking and poker at my place), etc..

We've seen this with the drop in membership to civic/social clubs.   After WWII groups like the Elks, VFW, etc saw pretty good growth but that has really fallen off the last 20-30 years.   We (men) got more integrated into the family unit but lost our other connections.   

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14 minutes ago, jdhorn92 said:

Very old Harvard study started 60-70  years ago followed hundreds of males throughout their lives.  As the men aged in to their 70's+, the one common theme among those that lived the fullest, happiest lives, was the existence of male/male (no gay) relationships.  I

Actually, this brings up an interesting question. Assuming this study was measuring a real phenomena, do the results change if the men are homosexual?  That is, does the sex of the non-romantic partner have an independent effect? Or is it just the existence of non-romantic relationships that are the driving factor? 

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13 minutes ago, jdhorn92 said:

Very old Harvard study started 60-70  years ago followed hundreds of males throughout their lives.  As the men aged in to their 70's+, the one common theme among those that lived the fullest, happiest lives, was the existence of male/male (no gay) relationships.  In other words, guys need their guy time.  Whatever it is, poker night, beers, ball games, running, hunting club (which is really drinking and poker at my place), etc..

Also this.  I only have a few close guy friends, but at my age, they mean a lot.  Shit, even in doing "creative visualization" of what parts of retirement might look like, I've voiced out loud to the wife about spending time in Glasgow (we bought a place there, if we keep it, it will be available for us to spend time in when we're retired).  I'd love to spend my mornings with her.  Walks, enjoy the cool air.  Hit the market to pick up some fresh stuff for dinner.  Have coffee at a neighborhood joint.  And in the afternoon, I head to the pub for a couple of hours.  The same pub.  Where I visit with the same guys.  Every day.  I get to be the Texan hanging with the Scots.  Guy time.

That shit matters.  And my wife damned well knows it does.  At various points in my life, she's flat-out said "you need to call X and go fishing.  Go.", shit like that.  It's important.  And my kids' generation is doing both better, and worse, than we are.  They are pretty good at cultivating friends....but they also voice real loneliness, because so much of what they do, by design, is digital and on a screen.  They LOVE in-person classes, walking to campus, being IN life, not just watching it on a screen.  So, a glimpse of hope for them, maybe.

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10 minutes ago, Al Bundy's Napoleon Hand said:

Living wage within a 40 hour workweek that gives people actual free time and subsequently the freedom to choose social time would probably help. 

Going out and doing shit is getting more expensive, too. Whether it's food or drinks at a bar or restaurant or going to a concert or sporting event or the movies. A buddy and I went and bowled for about an hour the other day and it was like $40. Not including beer or food or whatever. And what the fuck else are you gonna do when it's 107 degrees outside? 

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1 hour ago, closetohumping said:

There was a Rolling Stones article about how white males in the mountain west states were more likely to commit suicide. 

If I was stuck having to watch Pac-12 football all the time I'd have committed seppuku a long time ago.  

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10 minutes ago, ztejas said:

Going out and doing shit is getting more expensive, too. Whether it's food or drinks at a bar or restaurant or going to a concert or sporting event or the movies. A buddy and I went and bowled for about an hour the other day and it was like $40. Not including beer or food or whatever. And what the fuck else are you gonna do when it's 107 degrees outside? 

Not to derail, but holy fuck this.  Went to happy hour with the wife the other night at our local Italian place.  Four glasses of wine and two appetizers.  $107 with tip.  That's when we were like, wow, going out needs to be like a 1-2 times a month thing now, not an every few nights thing.

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9 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

I'm a bachelor with a dog, and I've worked from home the past 3.5 years.

The loneliness is suffocating at times. Luckily there's a few bars nearby, but it gets so damn expensive at nearly $50 a visit. Too fucking hot for outdoor activities. My post count here had gone through the roof the past few months.

Football season is the best relief from it all. 

Surly tailgate to the rescue!

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34 minutes ago, Dahobbs said:

Actually, this brings up an interesting question. Assuming this study was measuring a real phenomena, do the results change if the men are homosexual?  That is, does the sex of the non-romantic partner have an independent effect? Or is it just the existence of non-romantic relationships that are the driving factor? 

That is interesting.  As a gay man, I have close male friends across the spectrum - straight married men I have known since we were 13/14, gay married men I have known since college, and committed and single gay men I have known in the last 8-10 years. 

With the straight married men, we game together, play fantasy football, do some traveling, meet up for lunch with their young kids, play tennis, etc. Pretty regularly. 

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Every year my Dad, brother, three cousins and two of their friends from Portland all go up to a family cabin in MT on the Idaho border about 60 miles south of Canada.  Some of you may know Coeur d'Alene, it's in that general area of Sandpoint/Clark River.  Anyway, we have done it yearly for the last 5-6 years , we are all in our 50's , save my Dad who is in mid 70's.  Without a doubt, it's the most therapeutic long weekend of the year.  Between the war stories, butt stories, jokes, life/current events, copious amounts of beer , weed , cigars, we have the best time.  Work in a little fishing, camp maintenance , fire pit management, poker and grilling, without that trip, there would be a void for sure. 

B/c of that trip, I initiated 2 other group text threads  and have been able to re-connect with different groups of about 15 friends, one of which we have started a ATX game watching annual trip. 

There is loneliness in this country, but I truly believe you get out of it what you put in.  Being a friend, lending an ear, participating in life is action oriented.  The only thing that is going to separate who you are today, from who you will be in 10 years is the people you associate with and the books you read.

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I became accustomed to new sets of a few friends every couple of years, so never have cultivated lifelong friendships and never was much of a joiner.
Mrs. Brat has a handful of friends from high school that we see several times a year.

We also have some casual friends from her work career that we meet once every week or two, and that’s it. 
Most of our interactions are with family and a couple of neighbors.

I am fine with that and so is she.

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2 hours ago, jdhorn92 said:

Very old Harvard study started 60-70  years ago followed hundreds of males throughout their lives.  As the men aged in to their 70's+, the one common theme among those that lived the fullest, happiest lives, was the existence of male/male (no gay) relationships.  In other words, guys need their guy time.  Whatever it is, poker night, beers, ball games, running, hunting club (which is really drinking and poker at my place), etc..

Are we suppose to kiss them hello on the cheek?

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I think as you get older you value the time you have. I do not want to hang out with a bunch of random people anymore. I have one bar I like to go to, I know enough people there that there is always someone to talk to, but that is not what pushes me. Same goes for the coffeeshop I frequent. But don't feel the need to be out just to be out. I enjoy running the dogs, taking care of my plants and garden, and a few times a month cooking for a small group of friends. 

 

 

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Communication as a whole is down for so many reasons. One that I refuse to do is wear headphones or a Bluetooth. I see this so much. You never know who you will pass by when you are out and intentionally isolating yourself is not good for your mental health. Take the time to say hi to a random person or help someone that needs it. Just talk to people. I am naturally reserved, but if I can push myself out of just observing society and actively taking part so can most everyone else.

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