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Colonoscopy Talk


Rex Kramer

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First rule of Prep Club, is there are NO farts!

Second Rule of Prep club, is you have to talk about Prep Club.

Third rule of Prep club is you must say Propofol!

 

There... I summed up everything.  I waited way too long to get mine, and I was lucky, only had a few small polyps and nothing of concern.  But it really is a simply procedure and I think there is something inherently fearful about the butthole in hetero men.  Thus men unnecessarily have severe consequences because of an irrational fear.  It's a procedure, and yes prep sucks, but the reason is you are trying give the camera the best view possible.  And little bits of shit make the job a lot harder to get a "sure" result.  Just look at the prep as a way to kick start some weight loss if you are so inclined.

But now for a joke-  On thing I have always thought would be hilarious would be to walk into the waiting room early in the morning, not unlike Bill Murray in Caddie Shack.  Rolling in with large black garden hose draped over my shoulder, with one end dragging on the ground.  Then shout to the front desk, "Where does Doc want this?"  I would love just to see the looks on folks faces waiting for the procedure...

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10 hours ago, Willfully Horn said:

SIL arrived on schedule for her procedure last month. The anesthesiologist did not. No big deal. The gastro team went all in on fentanyl, and scoped her pipes anyway. She only had to ask twice for more drug.

She had to ask twice for drugs during a colonoscopy?

kevin hart football GIF by Kevin Hart's Laugh Out Loud

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My dad had a colonoscopy at the beginning of the year. 7 polyps, all benign. His dumbass did drink coffee afterwards and it triggered some fucked up gall bladder/ gall stones issue and had to have emergency surgery to remove it. His gall bladder ended up bursting during the surgery and we all got pretty lucky that he’s still alive. 
 

So get rid of your gall bladder the first second you can.

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Morning of procedure while still at home (before heading to the doc), I passed out for a minute in my house.  Dehydration, I'm guessing.  My melon left a dent in the wall.  But as others have said, the procedure itself is a piece of cake.

Had my mom stop at Sonics (Rez Dogs holla!) on the way home and housed a double jalapeno cheeseburger in about three minutes.  Glorious.

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On 3/26/2024 at 11:25 AM, Gatorubet said:

All you assholes go get colonoscopies immediately. Do not wait. It is just not worth it, no matter what your hesitation is.

Listen to this man, don't pussy out. It isn't bad at all, especially if you compare it to a prostate biopsy, now that is a real pain in the ass (and I should know since I've had 3 of them)

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Not to scare you or anything, but I had my first coloscopy at 50 and when I woke up from the procedure, the GI doc showed me a picture and said "I don't know what this is, but it's got to come out".  Based on the picture, I knew it was cancer.  Got it cut out two weeks later and was staged as stage 1.  I was very lucky that I got the coloscopy when I did as the tumor has not penetrated the muscle wall yet.  I get a colonoscopy every 3 years now.  I ask the GI doc for a discount since I'm now missing my ascending colon.  She says "no".

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41 minutes ago, Jerry Callo said:

You probably could have figured that out without a colonoscopy.

Ha. Point being, with all these early colon cancer diagnoses, or earlier than normal, it’s imperative you get checked out at that age and probably 40 if you have history of colon cancer. 

Men are generally fearful of the deal, and I get why, but it was easy. Prepping by far was the worst part. The African American community, as an example, is at relatively higher risk and doesn’t get screened. 

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Posted (edited)
13 hours ago, Brisketexan said:

Wait…you’re not supposed to drink coffee after a colonoscopy? For how long?
Cuz I’m pretty sure I had some the next day. Nobody told me otherwise.

Yeah, I was not aware.  Had a cup about 45min after my procedure last Friday and no issues.

Edited by 1978horn
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I actually look forward to getting them done now.  Best sleep I ever get and that Propofol shit burns clean.  I wake up and have no hangover whatsoever.  Hell, I drove myself home 225 miles after my last one (after my wife got us out of the hospital parking lot).  

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14 minutes ago, cabowabo said:

I actually look forward to getting them done now.  Best sleep I ever get and that Propofol shit burns clean.  I wake up and have no hangover whatsoever.  Hell, I drove myself home 225 miles after my last one (after my wife got us out of the hospital parking lot).  

Propofol is awesome. I can understand why Michael Jackson got addicted to the stuff.

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3 hours ago, Earl Haffler said:

Not to scare you or anything, but I had my first coloscopy at 50 and when I woke up from the procedure, the GI doc showed me a picture and said "I don't know what this is, but it's got to come out". 

My surgeon said, “Ubet, I know I told you that Laparoscopic surgery doesn’t leave scars - but when you’re feeling less woozy you’ll see there’s a large horizontal scar on your right abdomen.”

” That cancer tumor was so large I’m amazed you were even able to take a crap. I almost slapped it on the bottom and gave it a name.” 

 

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Stop being pussies and get it done.  I've literally watched two close family members die of colon cancer.  The end isn't pretty.  Get it done.  It will be the best nap you've ever had.

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On 3/25/2024 at 2:15 PM, Francisco 2.0 said:

Did it two years ago in January.  Drank a bunch of chicken stock the day prior, since that was the allowed "food" I could ingest.  What everyone else says about the shitting of water and whatnot is true.  

I do recall apologizing profusely to the cute nurse who was attending to me in post-op for I was a farting machine.  She just laughed at me.

Doc sent me some pretty color pictures of the inside of my colon; he found a polyp that was later ruled benign.  He tattoo'd the spot where he cut it out and told me in 10 (8 now) years to come back for another colonoscopy, just to see if anything grew back in the spot.

 

 

So.  You have an inner ass tattoo?  And we're just learning about this now?

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Meh... it's not bad
1. Prep sucks but its really only one day or whatever it is
2. The actual procedure was like a blip in time thanks to anesthesia 
3. Obamacare ensures your insurance company pays for alllll of it. Nothing out of pocket.

Easy peasy!

4. It’s not the out of pocket most worry about, it’s everything else shooting out your ass!
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1 hour ago, BabaYaga said:

I do recall apologizing profusely to the cute nurse who was attending to me in post-op for I was a farting machine.  She just laughed at me.

You have to be careful with the cute nurses when you're waking up.  That propofal makes me a flirty old bastard.  Especially dangerous if your wife is standing next to her.

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11 minutes ago, Lat22 said:

You have to be careful with the cute nurses when you're waking up.  That propofal makes me a flirty old bastard.  Especially dangerous if your wife is standing next to her.

The prep, the Dr’s joke about an additional circumcision as I was counting down to night night time, and hitting on the nurses as I woke up are all I remember.   Get checked guys. I did because my friend was dying of prostate cancer and we used to have lots of similar gastro issues that his doc told him were clear warnings.   I also disregarded my wife’s advice and ate some enchiladas later that day. Was delicious.  

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2 hours ago, Gatorubet said:

My surgeon said, “Ubet, I know I told you that Laparoscopic surgery doesn’t leave scars - but when you’re feeling less woozy you’ll see there’s a large horizontal scar on your right abdomen.”

” That cancer tumor was so large I’m amazed you were even able to take a crap. I almost slapped it on the bottom and gave it a name.” 

 

Those colorectal surgeons (aka, proctologists) do have a sense of humor.  When mine visited me the day after the surgery, he asked me if I wanted to see the cancer.  I said I didn't think so.  He said "yes you do" and pulled out his iphone and showed me a picture of the tumor.  I got a big ole scar too even though he did it laparoscopically.  Can't safely pull that shit through those little holes.

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22 hours ago, fattyflattie said:

The prep, the Dr’s joke about an additional circumcision as I was counting down to night night time, and hitting on the nurses as I woke up are all I remember.   Get checked guys. I did because my friend was dying of prostate cancer and we used to have lots of similar gastro issues that his doc told him were clear warnings.   I also disregarded my wife’s advice and ate some enchiladas later that day. Was delicious.  

My doc asked me where I wanted the Hillary tattoo as I was going under. 😆

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Posted (edited)
On 3/27/2024 at 11:46 AM, 1978horn said:

Yeah, I was not aware.  Had a cup about 45min after my procedure last Friday and no issues.

I think the no caffeine/coffee is because they’re diuretics and can make you dehydrated and send you back after you just emptied yourself out. He’s also 65 so no spring chicken 

Edited by StassneyHorn
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1 hour ago, StassneyHorn said:

I think the no caffeine/coffee is because they’re diuretics and can make you dehydrated and send you back after you just emptied yourself out. He’s also 65 so no spring chicken 

Heads up, you will get there before you know it

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4 minutes ago, Murfdogg21 said:

How often does it get covered by insurance under 50 without symptoms or personal/family history? Seems like it becoming common in younger people but they don’t tell people to do it until they turn 50.

It’s always covered now.

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4 minutes ago, Murfdogg21 said:

How often does it get covered by insurance under 50 without symptoms or personal/family history? Seems like it becoming common in younger people but they don’t tell people to do it until they turn 50.

Can’t answer the insurance question, but current guidance is 45 years old not 50.

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On 3/27/2024 at 11:35 AM, Earl Haffler said:

Not to scare you or anything,

Yes, you should somewhat scare people. The incidence of colon CA in younger people is increasing. The take rate on colonoscopy is not great and it's one of those disease processes that is slow enough that finding suspicious colon polyps or Cancer early is a game changer. I usually ask people "If we can get it early and while your asymptomatic then it's usually an easy polypectomy or less invasive surgery and it's a whole hell of lot better than removing half your colon, wearing a poop bag on your abdomen and getting chemo since you let the cancer spread outside the colon."

And don't do the Cologuard. Exact Sciences is not upfront about their false positive rate. They claim close to 9% but in reality it's closer to 40%+ due to the way they report the two aspects of the test. And it is only meant to detect polyps that are in advanced stages of precancerous development.

So just do the prep, have the pretty nurse stick an IV in your arm, get the black snake up your rear while you take a nap and know you've done something to prevent a lot of misery down the road.

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