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Santos L. Helper

It's time we talk about our balls

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Evening, gentlemen.

I recently got super high and ordered some of those expensive underpants that have a built-in ballsack. You know the kind. Cradles your boys. I got the ones with the big fucking eagle on the dick, because why not.

And they're nice. But I was thinking about it, and I realized I don't really notice the sack bag as much as I thought I would--my nuts just don't seem to sag as much during the day as they do at night.. 

This, of course, boggled my mind. 

Maybe my scrote expands at night. Maybe my balls get bigger during the day. I don't know, but it's some laffy taffy shit. I keep waking up because my nuts fall down into my taint, and are inevitably crushed by my legs. 

I could be imagining this.

tl;dr: My chain seems to hang lower at night, and I'm not sure if that's a real thing.

Anyway, that's not the point.

I know there are some doctors on this troll-infested third-rate ad farm.  I'm also certain there are others among us who know their way around a mudflap.

I'm far from an expert, because I pound that front bottom. I also don't really know anyone who I can ask honest medical and biological questions about my boys.

So can we talk about our balls?

Edited by Santos L. Helper

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You mean like: 

 

 

Tightening the Tackle AKA Scrotal Rejuvenation

Beyond Manscaping

 Medically reviewed by on November 24, 2019
 
Rejuvenation of the genitalia is not only for the ladies! The Vajacial (aka the vaginal facial) now has a male counterpart. A Vajacial is completely different from a vaginoplastyprocedure which tightens the walls of the vagina and is also different from a labiaplastywhich shortens elongated labia. The vajacial is usually done after having a Brazilian wax or a Hollywood wax which can irritate and redden the skin. The vajacial entails exfoliation, ingrown hair extraction, lightening or bleaching cream application, and the application of calming masks to the area. The male equivalent of vaginal/labial rejuvenation is scrotal rejuvenation known informally as “ball ironing,” “tightening the tackle,” or a “scrotal lift.” Men too can enjoy a facial for their private parts.

Ever since the King of the Silver Foxes, George Clooney joked about having his “balls ironed,” there has been an increase in the number of men requesting rejuvenation of their family jewels, medically known as the scrotum. There are things that can be done to address the inadequacies some men have about their private parts, specifically the scrotal area. Wrinkles on the scrotum, hair on the scrotum, and discoloration on the scrotum can be improved with a scrotal beauty procedure. Just like skin on any other area of the body, the scrotal skin ages. 

 
Because it is thin, comparable to the skin around the eyes, it is even more susceptible to aging changes.

 

 

So exactly how does a man go about smoothing out his scrotal wrinkles and tidying up down there? To "tighten your tackle,” a laser is used to even out skin tone, tighten skin, and to remove skin tags. Hair can also be reduced with use of a laser, on both the pubic area and the scrotum. This is technically known as the “Male Laser Lift,” as it has been named by its inventor, registered nurse Jamie Sherrill. Nurse Jamie, as she calls herself, does state that term “ironing” may be a misnomer as it is impossible to completely remove every last scrotal wrinkle. So men, dreams of cue ball type smoothness should be thrown out the window. This is especially true for you men who desire children, as the scrotal skin needs to be able to expand and contract to maintain a suitable environment for sperm production.

Is there a way to completely remove wrinkles from the scrotum? A scrotoplasty which cannot be performed by a nurse, but can be done with the skills of a plastic surgeon, can reduce wrinkles of the scrotum. It is important to emphasize that the surgical procedure will never eliminate every last wrinkle. The procedure can also reduce the amount of loose skin surrounding the testicles so that they do not hang as low. A low-hanging and enlarged scrotum can cause irritation from friction along the inner thighs. The enlargement occurs as men age. It can cause discomfort in underwear and tight pants and may be unsightly to some, compelling some men to opt for scrotum reduction surgery, or scrotoplasty.

While there are no incisions made during non-surgical male scrotal rejuvenation, as with any procedure, complications or risks are possible. Lasers can burn the skin and who knows how the sperm can be affected in the long run. No long term studies on laser use directed to the scrotal area have been published. If you are squeamish about lasers around your scrotum or you are just not sure if the benefits or worth the potential risks, sticking to manscaping may be your best bet. If manscaping is also not your cup of tea, rest assured. Good genital hygiene – yes, liberal use of soap and water - goes a long way, whether your chosen sexual partners are male, female or both. Trust me, I’m a doctor

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Do

Your

Balls hang low

Do they waggle to and fro

Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them on your shoulder like a Continental soldier

Can you do the double shuffle with your balls in a can?

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Negged for being too much of a pussy to post this under your regular handle.

But repped for content. So I'll stay neutral here.

Also, it's Santos L. Halper you fucking idiot.

Edited by ztejas

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I was looking for the "Surly Dad Thread" but scrolled to this one first. 

At what age does a boy begin to really understand/experience the pain of getting hit in the nuts? 

Doomlet (5) has either been exceptionally lucky or else his epididymis isn't much of a target yet. He teed me up with a Frisbee to the nuts today, and I can't wait for him to eventually understand the agony firsthand. 

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46 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

I was looking for the "Surly Dad Thread" but scrolled to this one first. 

At what age does a boy begin to really understand/experience the pain of getting hit in the nuts? 

Doomlet (5) has either been exceptionally lucky or else his epididymis isn't much of a target yet. He teed me up with a Frisbee to the nuts today, and I can't wait for him to eventually understand the agony firsthand. 

That's a good question.  I recall most of the overall serious injuries to the body which I sustained from ages 4-24.  However, nothing regarding true ball suffering comes to mind.  However, since turning 24, and more importantly here at age 44...I typically rack myself once a week to the point of excruciating pain that lasts several minutes or even hours, simply by sitting incorrectly, getting into the car wrong, unloading the dishwasher with wanton disregard, etc.  

Edited by Lobo

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1 hour ago, bschoolprof said:

I started getting significant ball sag in my mid 30s. Now, when I sit on the can, it’s like I’m making a pitcher of iced tea. 

Just wait til you're 50, better get up before you flush.

I've noticed since about 40, if my lady is on top when I unload, my right nut wants to crawl up inside out of the sack and into whatever is directly above them and I've got to push it back into the sack from the front.  My left hangs lower so not an issue.  I'm right handed, so probably right nutted too.

Thoughts?

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13 hours ago, RDCanecutter said:

Do

Your

Balls hang low

Do they waggle to and fro

Can you tie them in a knot, can you tie them in a bow?

Can you throw them on your shoulder like a Continental soldier

Can you do the double shuffle with your balls in a can?

I was taught (a version of) this s song in Vietnamese, which has become  Texas’ third most commonly spoken language. I won’t try to write it down.

I was taught It by my one on one, weekday bible studies teacher, Fundamentalist style, (back before I haired over.) My parents brought her in so they could focus their attention on my dad’s sagging balls.

First time I felt that cold water, ante-shit, it finally made sense. I am able to let that go. And forgive.

Edited by Willfully Horn
Translucency

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45 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

 

Just wait til you're 50, better get up before you flush.

I've noticed since about 40, if my lady is on top when I unload, my right nut wants to crawl up inside out of the sack and into whatever is directly above them and I've got to push it back into the sack from the front.  My left hangs lower so not an issue.  I'm right handed, so probably right nutted too.

Thoughts?

Times like this I realize we really are all the same. 
 

I always get up before flushing, but I have curbed the artist’s impulse, after creation, to find someone and say: “look!”

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8 hours ago, mulletpelini said:

 

Just wait til you're 50, better get up before you flush.

I've noticed since about 40, if my lady is on top when I unload, my right nut wants to crawl up inside out of the sack and into whatever is directly above them and I've got to push it back into the sack from the front.  My left hangs lower so not an issue.  I'm right handed, so probably right nutted too.

Thoughts?

Just spitballing here but you might shop for a small breed dog collar. Put that around your scrotum, loosely, before coitus. That should keep your boys from wandering off during the act. Be careful that the buckle doesn't aggravate her lady parts.  It might be a marketable product.

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53 minutes ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

Just spitballing here but you might shop for a small breed dog collar. Put that around your scrotum, loosely, before coitus. That should keep your boys from wandering off during the act. Be careful that the buckle doesn't aggravate her lady parts.  It might be a marketable product.

 

36 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

You could make it one of those shock collars for an extra jolt when you cum

I’d listen to these guys.  I think they’re doctors. 

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2 hours ago, Shoxthemonkey said:

Just spitballing here but you might shop for a small breed dog collar. Put that around your scrotum, loosely, before coitus. That should keep your boys from wandering off during the act. Be careful that the buckle doesn't aggravate her lady parts.  It might be a marketable product.


You may have been beaten to the punch

https://www.aliexpress.com/i/32786772944.html

 

 

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