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Week Two Recap:

From the "if only" division @Horn Dogg with this beauty that was so close to coming true (maybe a dropped Worthy TD, or a missed flub figgy or a safety that got taken off the board from being Nostradumbass: 

Texas 24

Bama 20

Ewers 297 total yards

aggy says “Bama didn’t want to be there anyways”

Wulaw Horn reunites with the 3ft tall toothless chick that he met at the Arkansas game last year.

Note- I have no recollection of a 3 foot tall toothless chick at Arkansas last year.  Could it have happened (not me hooking up with her- I don't cheat- but running into such a circus freak in deliverance land?  Sure- I wasn't very sober so maybe I just forgot.  Alas- no tailgate for me.  Date night with the wife. I did manage to sneak in 22 beers starting at 6:00 am and ending at 1:45 in the morning, but nothing more exciting than watching with mom and dad and then a double date.  No need for sex tent- we stayed in downtown Houston.

The actual winner:

@Atticus who nailed the winner and was 11 points away from total score (last week- by contrast we had multiple people nail the final score:

27 - 24 Bama

QE1 throws a pick on the GW drive, but finishes with 320 total yards.

 

Prop Bet: 

We are going with a swerve here. I'm not opening this up to hand the money to all the people who had Quinn Ewers throwing for 87 yards and us losing to Bama by 72 points- that's not what this is about and they didn't nail the zeitgeist of the game.  As I said in Week 1- my sole discretion.  We are combing total yards for Ewers and Card (running and passing like we said) and going with 300 as the winner.  

Congrats to @CoTex for this gem:

Texas 35 

Alabama 28

I’ll be ready to watch all you bama dickriders make excuses when this one is finished.

Ewers 300 yards.

 

Post of the week:

 

Bronze Medal- from the non bitchass division @ChiTownDoc, America's favorite sooner- with his money where his mouth is betting large on Texas on the money line:

lol Jesus 

Here’s to my ML bet…

UT 41 Bama 38

ewers 380

 

Silver Medal:  @Texas Jeffwho might have been taking a victory lap as an oracle if not for an early Ewers injury (but I think the second part could be fixing to come true:)

Texas wins 37-21 and goes on to dominate college football for a decade.  Hey, it could happen...

Ewers 314 yds

 

Gold Medal- Winner:  @Modessit for this gen- that almost got it right with a sideshow Bob hitting the winning figgie argument, and predicted misery in disfunction junction from our aggy brothers and sisters:

Texas 38
Alabama 35

Shock The Nation Tour returns!

Sideshow Bob hits a 45-yd FG to win the game!

Ewers and Worthy find their rhythm. Ewers hits 313-yds total. (Sacks don't subtract, right?)

The Brazos river floods as aggy tears overwhelm the banks. Bama fails to make the playoffs and Saban retires rather than face Sark in the SEC. Jimbo burns aggy bridges trying to get the Bama job and ends up in Nebraska.

 

Thanks to all who played.  

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@Wulaw Horn the 3 ft tall chick was a joke in a response to the Arkansas thread last year, nothing more.  
 

I was wrong about aggy saying Bama didn’t want to be there.  Aggy was pre-occupied with talking about Jimbo’s replacement after they lost to fucking Appalachian State at home! (It never gets old saying that)

Thanks for holding the prediction contests, this is good entertainment!

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7 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Week Two Recap:

From the "if only" division @Horn Dogg with this beauty that was so close to coming true (maybe a dropped Worthy TD, or a missed flub figgy or a safety that got taken off the board from being Nostradumbass: 

Texas 24

Bama 20

Ewers 297 total yards

aggy says “Bama didn’t want to be there anyways”

Wulaw Horn reunites with the 3ft tall toothless chick that he met at the Arkansas game last year.

Note- I have no recollection of a 3 foot tall toothless chick at Arkansas last year.  Could it have happened (not me hooking up with her- I don't cheat- but running into such a circus freak in deliverance land?  Sure- I wasn't very sober so maybe I just forgot.  Alas- no tailgate for me.  Date night with the wife. I did manage to sneak in 22 beers starting at 6:00 am and ending at 1:45 in the morning, but nothing more exciting than watching with mom and dad and then a double date.  No need for sex tent- we stayed in downtown Houston.

The actual winner:

@Atticus who nailed the winner and was 11 points away from total score (last week- by contrast we had multiple people nail the final score:

27 - 24 Bama

QE1 throws a pick on the GW drive, but finishes with 320 total yards.

 

Prop Bet: 

We are going with a swerve here. I'm not opening this up to hand the money to all the people who had Quinn Ewers throwing for 87 yards and us losing to Bama by 72 points- that's not what this is about and they didn't nail the zeitgeist of the game.  As I said in Week 1- my sole discretion.  We are combing total yards for Ewers and Card (running and passing like we said) and going with 300 as the winner.  

Congrats to @CoTex for this gem:

Texas 35 

Alabama 28

I’ll be ready to watch all you bama dickriders make excuses when this one is finished.

Ewers 300 yards.

 

Post of the week:

 

Bronze Medal- from the non bitchass division @ChiTownDoc, America's favorite sooner- with his money where his mouth is betting large on Texas on the money line:

lol Jesus 

Here’s to my ML bet…

UT 41 Bama 38

ewers 380

 

Silver Medal:  @Texas Jeffwho might have been taking a victory lap as an oracle if not for an early Ewers injury (but I think the second part could be fixing to come true:)

Texas wins 37-21 and goes on to dominate college football for a decade.  Hey, it could happen...

Ewers 314 yds

 

Gold Medal- Winner:  @Modessit for this gen- that almost got it right with a sideshow Bob hitting the winning figgie argument, and predicted misery in disfunction junction from our aggy brothers and sisters:

Texas 38
Alabama 35

Shock The Nation Tour returns!

Sideshow Bob hits a 45-yd FG to win the game!

Ewers and Worthy find their rhythm. Ewers hits 313-yds total. (Sacks don't subtract, right?)

The Brazos river floods as aggy tears overwhelm the banks. Bama fails to make the playoffs and Saban retires rather than face Sark in the SEC. Jimbo burns aggy bridges trying to get the Bama job and ends up in Nebraska.

 

Thanks to all who played.  

 

what a bunch of crap.  I was 15 yards off ewers’ total.  if you wanna adjust the parameters of your “game” just because you’re too much of a bitch to pay me my money, so be it. 

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57 minutes ago, futureman said:

what a bunch of crap.  I was 15 yards off ewers’ total.  if you wanna adjust the parameters of your “game” just because you’re too much of a bitch to pay me my money, so be it. 

I felt sorry for you so I went back and found your post.  You said

bama 63 texas 10

ewers 149 yards total

You may be a nice guy, you may bleed burnt orange, and maybe we can be friends someday, but last week you were an Alabama dickrider.  Own it.

 

Dickrider.

 

 

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3 hours ago, CoTex said:

I felt sorry for you so I went back and found your post.  You said

 

bama 63 texas 10

ewers 149 yards total

You may be a nice guy, you may bleed burnt orange, and maybe we can be friends someday, but last week you were an Alabama dickrider.  Own it.

 

Dickrider.

reported.

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Week 3 recap:

Score winner- @40acredropout nailed the actual score on the dot- 41- 20.  @ztejas came in a very close second at 42-20.  Tough break kid.

Prop winner-   @hook me with 411 yards of total defense.  He was only 3 yards off of the total of 408 given up, good job. 

Best and worst of the game week thread.  

Worst- Very clearly goes to the incessant nonsense that wasted almost 3 pages where @Irieguyargued with all comers saying "no single player in the history of football is worth 11 points", then moved the goalposts, posted stuff that was nonresponsive from gambling sites, and totally and completely ignored the fact that to have conclusive and demonstrative proof that VY was worth 11 points to a gambling line over Matt Nordgren the line would have to post as normal, against a good team, and then the injury would have to happen during the week.  Can't pick out any people who argued the other side as it was basically the entire board- but @Huckleberrygot the best of it when all was said and done before finally, mercifully it ended. Worse than the 2 page discussion last week about Bijan becoming a full time slot receiver. 

Also, in case you missed it at least 4 pages was spent discussing Mr. Gatti's pizza, wrong numbers and ranch dressing, complete with people who worked at Mr. Gattis.  My 2 favorite posts to come out of that discussion:

@woodwith the unfortunate phone number:

Gatti's number was 459-2222. I know this very well because when I lived in Jester East in the 80s, our number was 495-2222. People (probably some of you fuckers) would call us all day and night, trying to order pizzas, and we'd have to tell them the right number, etc. Some stupid fuckers would call at like 3-4 am, long after Gatti's closed. We eventually got tired of that shit, and just started taking their order and telling them it would be there in 30 minutes. We'd do that til we went to bed, and then unplug the phone.  Sometimes people would call us back, irate, and we'd tell 'em shit like 'The driver says he knocked on your door, and nobody answered. He's headed back to you now', etc, etc. Good times, I guess. /csb

@squibtelling a story that anyone who was ever a kid will relate to, and then when they become a parent they immediately understand and do the same- circle of life:

Ha. That is the one we used to go to--out in front of the mall--when we would go to Kerrville to buy groceries.  My dad would get so pissed that me and siblings all wanted our own personal little pizza instead of just buying the more economical large. We would stare at that big screen and dream of what life would have been like if only we could have been raised in the big city of Kerrville. 

 

Best of @immamac(as always not eligible to win)

Guys, this team just played Bama to a 1 point loss on a largely fluke drive ending in a 40 yard FG with 10 seconds left in the game. 

If the offense was never allowed to see the field Texas still beats UTSA with only special teams and defensive scores. 

Instead we have Roschon, the entire OL, JT Sanders, Xavier Worthy, Jordan Whittington, oh and Keilan Robinson and Jonathon Brooks as depth. It doesn't make a shit who is playing QB. 

52-3 Texas. 

Winner- post of the week:

@Waterboarderpulling on the heart strings and more or less nailing the score of the game:

Saturday was the day my daughter became a Longhorn.  It was the first time she ever wanted to go to a game with me, and she screamed with the best of them.  This team has the potential to be one of my favorite teams ever, and we roll UTSA 45-17

 

 

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34 minutes ago, Modessit said:
8 hours ago, Wulaw Horn said:
the runner up alternate trophy is hung in the ladies restroom sir.  

Pretty sure if they're in the ladies restroom, then they're not hung.

What can I say to this that is both funny and neither cloak roomy, nor offensive?

1.  They/them asshole.  We’re all hung, or not hung, or both, or neither.

2.  Take it to CR!

3.  Triggered!

4.  You missed an apostrophe!

5.  Not so fast my friend.

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28 minutes ago, CoTex said:

What can I say to this that is both funny and neither cloak roomy, nor offensive?

1.  They/them asshole.  We’re all hung, or not hung, or both, or neither.

2.  Take it to CR!

3.  Triggered!

4.  You missed an apostrophe!

5.  Not so fast my friend.

1) Take it up with the late great Iceman 

4) my apostrophe game is sad and tragically bad. 

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Week 4 Recap (everything is terrible and I hate everything about football- and probably each and every one of you).  Thanks for playing! If you need help with a mortgage call me at 832-557-1095 or PM me!  Totally and completely joking about probably hating each and every one of you.  Or football. I could love football if you want me to love football.  Let me know!

Anyway- on to the winners:

Prediction score winner ($50.00):

@Welshy- 38-31 tech.  He barely was better than #2 score- but was within 4 total (1 from Tech- 3 from Texas.

That #2 in the prediction contest also damn near nailed the Receiver prop bet:

Prop bet winner- (25.00)

@Hornius Emeritus who predicted the WR room would catch 151 yards.  They caught 152.  Combined with him being in second place in the prediction contest I'm going to give him- post of the week- for a combination of basically nailing both prediction and how we'd get there WR room.  

Post of the week- $25.00-

  @Hornius Emeritus for getting them both almost perfect

Texas Tech 35
Texas 31

WR Room = 151 yards

 

Will post a new leaderboard next week- nobody that has drawn blood before drew blood again... Thanks to all who play and watch this for updates. 

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On 9/26/2022 at 1:46 PM, Wulaw Horn said:

Week 4 Recap (everything is terrible and I hate everything about football- and probably each and every one of you).  Thanks for playing! If you need help with a mortgage call me at 832-557-1095 or PM me!  Totally and completely joking about probably hating each and every one of you.  Or football. I could love football if you want me to love football.  Let me know!

Anyway- on to the winners:

Prediction score winner ($50.00):

@Welshy- 38-31 tech.  He barely was better than #2 score- but was within 4 total (1 from Tech- 3 from Texas.

That #2 in the prediction contest also damn near nailed the Receiver prop bet:

Prop bet winner- (25.00)

@Hornius Emeritus who predicted the WR room would catch 151 yards.  They caught 152.  Combined with him being in second place in the prediction contest I'm going to give him- post of the week- for a combination of basically nailing both prediction and how we'd get there WR room.  

Post of the week- $25.00-

  @Hornius Emeritus for getting them both almost perfect

Texas Tech 35
Texas 31

WR Room = 151 yards

 

Will post a new leaderboard next week- nobody that has drawn blood before drew blood again... Thanks to all who play and watch this for updates. 

are you good at financing rental properties?

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I’m on the road all week and will have an official write up/update of the WVU prediction post when I get back into town after the OU game. We put the winners in the WVU game week thread so you know who you are. In the meantime- stay safe and give ‘em hell in Dallas over the weekend.  

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8 hours ago, JGrayDBU said:

Kind of curious.  Did I do the math correctly?  I counted 174 as the yards for the prop contest.   I came oh so close, but if 174 is correct, my 183 put me in 3rd place for that part of the contest. 

You missed the Worthy running play for 7 yards, it ended up 181.  

Sorry, I was out of town (Vancouver man- no internet connection- IYKYK) and just now catching back up on all of this.  Working on it now. 

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West Virginia Recap:

@Rudy Rutabaga for closest to the best score.  He had 37-20.  That was pretty solid, and he further distanced himself by almost nailing the prop bet with 220 yards for the running backs when the final # was 202.  Good job by him $50.00

@Red Fivewith the closest to the pin on the running back yardage. He had 199 and the winner was 202. He breaks those ties by having the best score prediction at 38-27.

@Modessit wins $25.00 for best story about a cousin. 

A story about a cousin? Ok. I have a 2nd cousin who played in the LFL for the Denver Dream. Just saw her at a family reunion in August. Looks the same but was dressed conservatively so I didn't bother taking pics for y'all. And these pics were taken after she had a kid, btw. She said she doesn't play anymore but played CB at the time. Maybe she can help with our pass coverage.

10ad04f33fc897d38e75116bbb7abb1f.jpg69075c15b69f497807c61844df660a5c.jpg

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OU Week Recap:

Winner of the game score (using Huckleberry's method)- ME!

Also tying with me @joeycoversand @runthebone  Those guys will just split the prize- $25.00 each.

@Your Mom wins $25.00 for closest to the prop bet (Total yards for Bijan and Worthy combined- actual total 181- he had 180).  No word if he's as big a whore as @South Austin's mom.  
 

Best story/post from the thread- $25.00 to @Xcalibur for this gem- may he be far seeing and wise and accurate in all his predictions.  Step 1 certainly came true:

Texas 62

OU 13

Bijan/Worthy yards 267

This game is going to get ugly for OU.  We're going to have our way with them and let out a past decade's worth of pent-up anger and aggression.  This will be Texas Football's coming out party for this season and beyond.  It will set the tone for what's to come the rest of this year and in the next several seasons.  Remember this fucking game.  It will be viewed by Texas Football historians as the turning point of a program.  And the palpable decline of another.

Get ready to fuck.  

 

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Scoreboard after week 6:

$50.00

@pacman, @Atticus, @40acredropout@Welshy @Hornius Emeritus@Rudy Rutabaga@Modessit

$25.00

@CoTex,  @Wizlon, @Newy25, @Waterboarder, @hook me@Red Five @joeycovers@runthebone @Your Mom @Xcalibur

 

Modessit has now drawn blood twice, $25.00 at time.  Thanks to all who have played every week and those keeping up with the contest.  As always, if there is anything I can do to help you out with any of your mortgage needs feel free to PM me or call me at 832-557-1095.  

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Iowa St. Update:

 

$50- for closest to winning score- @EZ$ predicting 28-27.  

$25.00 prop bet @C'Mon Man

As far as the prop goes we had a 7 way tie (I was in on the tie) in rushing attempts at 43.  @C'Mon Man won by being the closest to the rushing total of 195 I believe- so he wins that money

 

$25.00 for post of the week to @gmr548.  He nailed this game with the following post.  It's ok. It's not your fault.  You can stop saying we will go 6-6. Keep predicting us to eke out wins.  

Sneaky matchup. Had this one penciled in as aL pre season, but ISU’s struggles on offense and how strong the Texas offense has looked with Ewers gives me some pause. Last time I flipped a preseason pick was Tech and that didn’t work out well, so hoping for better things here.

Part of me thinks we can’t have nice things and are still going to drop this; but with ISU’s offense, I think 24-28 points is going to be enough for Texas. It’s hard to imagine Texas not hitting that number at home, with Ewers. I do think ISU covers though.

Texas: 28

ISU: 23

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12 minutes ago, Wulaw Horn said:

Iowa St. Update:

 

$50- for closest to winning score- @EZ$ predicting 28-27.  

$25.00 prop bet @C'Mon Man

As far as the prop goes we had a 7 way tie (I was in on the tie) in rushing attempts at 43.  @C'Mon Man won by being the closest to the rushing total of 195 I believe- so he wins that money

 

$25.00 for post of the week to @gmr548.  He nailed this game with the following post.  It's ok. It's not your fault.  You can stop saying we will go 6-6. Keep predicting us to eke out wins.  

Sneaky matchup. Had this one penciled in as aL pre season, but ISU’s struggles on offense and how strong the Texas offense has looked with Ewers gives me some pause. Last time I flipped a preseason pick was Tech and that didn’t work out well, so hoping for better things here.

Part of me thinks we can’t have nice things and are still going to drop this; but with ISU’s offense, I think 24-28 points is going to be enough for Texas. It’s hard to imagine Texas not hitting that number at home, with Ewers. I do think ISU covers though.

Texas: 28

ISU: 23

How is closest score determined?  In this post alone, the 28-23 from gmr548 has to be closer than 28-27.

 

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6 minutes ago, PantsTent said:

How is closest score determined?  In this post alone, the 28-23 from gmr548 has to be closer than 28-27.

 

Son of a bitch I forgot to carry the 1.  @gmr548 wins the $50 and we will flip @EZ$out to $25.00. 
Sorry fellas.  

When I was calculating I wrote down 5 point miss for GMR (because he had a 5 point spread) instead of 2 point miss.  Thanks for catching that. 

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26 minutes ago, PantsTent said:

How is closest score determined?  In this post alone, the 28-23 from gmr548 has to be closer than 28-27.

 

Dammit, mind your own business….I liked the original math on this one!

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You can stop saying we will go 6-6.

All offseason I said 6-8 wins. I voted in the middle of that at 7-5 in the preseason poll and picked an 8-4 record via a 3-2 record in the last 5 in that thread. I think winning this one with a good bit of luck makes up for losing at Tech, where they probably should have won. So, overall, I’ll stand by my W-L assessment.

But most importantly, I’d like to thank Casey Cain for getting me the $50. He’s alright in my book.
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1 hour ago, PantsTent said:

Sorry, I thought maybe I was taking crazy pills.  I'm sure Wulaw is way better at math when it comes to mortgages...

Yeah. I do that stuff on computers with software and not jotting down gibberish on the old legal pad. 

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People are saying this is who won the OSU contest:

$50 for closest score @stc who almost nailed it

n 10/18/2022 at 3:44 PM, stc said:
TX 34
OSU 42
26:24
 
Winner of the prop bet- who nailed the 19 completions and came closest to the 319 yards with 272- @pearlandhorn
n 10/21/2022 at 2:31 PM, pearlandhorn said:
TX 37, OSU 31
19 receptions for 272 yards.
 
Post of the week which means making a run at the top of the leaderboard @gmr548- nice story about the cat.  Next time we want pictures:
 
n 10/18/2022 at 8:59 AM, gmr548 said:
This game is hard enough to handicap without the Spencer Sanders injury stuff, so adding that in is fun. Honestly I think Texas matches up pretty well and is favored for a reason, but I’m going to need to see Sark win a couple road games against decent teams before I can pick Texas on the road with a straight face.

Texas blows a 10-14 point second half lead:

OSU: 41
Texas: 38

26 receptions for 294 yards.

Never been to Stillwater. In 2015 or 2016 I did a video interview for a position at Oklahoma State, with a hiring manager and a couple of the team members. My then girlfriend’s (now wife) fat ass orange cat wanted attention and kept flicking his tail into the screen. Eventually he just walked right across the keyboard. Being a nervous 20-something I just ignored it instead of making a joke or something.

I didn’t get hired (thank god in hindsight) but ended up getting to know one of the people that was on the other side of that interview through a mutual friend (did not know them at all at the time). Evidently the cat was remembered for a very long time and we still laugh about that story.
 
 
No contest this week obviously as we have a bye.  Time to lick the proverbial wounds. 
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