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Worst Cars Of Your Childhood


PittsburghTiger
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1 hour ago, Snake Diggity said:

My first car (1996) was a 1987 Pontiac Parisienne.  What a piece of shit.  Wire poking out of the back seat.  Drooping headliner.  Zero acceleration.  Rusted hood.  Mediocre A/C.

My buddy's hand-me-down high school car, an early '80s Cutlass Brougham ("The Jizzmobile" based on his older brother's exploits...) had a similar feature that would only attack every so often. We referred to that portion of the bench seat as the Viet Cong Death Trap. 

Added an element of injury to the insult of having to sit in middle seat of what might as well have been an upholstery made out of velour jerkoff sock. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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I had this as a first car. 1979 Buick Century with the butt ugly back end, but in had a 4.9 liter V8 and could fit 6 or 7 of my friends. Mine was silver with a maroon top. My dad bought it off of Willie Kocurek.

I was supposed to get the hand me down 1970 Chevy Nova from my sister, but she totalled it before that could happen. 

 

1979-Buick-Century-Sedan.jpg

Edited by Deej
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On 12/5/2022 at 9:00 PM, CoTex said:

This has been an interesting warmup by you all, but it’s time to get serious.  I give you, the Chevrolet Celebrity Eurosport.

This car checks all the boxes.

1.  American made.  Has a v6 in it so you’ve got all that American muscle.

2.  Front wheel drive so that commie neighbor of yours won’t have a step on you with his Honda.

3.  It’s got euro in the name so the young single guy down the street with the BMW will know you’re serious.

4.  It’s computerized so those bureaucrats at the EPA are satisfied.

5.  It’s got so much shit in the intake and exhaust system that somehow, magically, it can simultaneously get shitty gas mileage and create no power.  If the fuel is t creating power… and it’s not creating exhaust … what is it doing?

6.  It’s got an AC Delco stereo with knobs, levers, an equalizer and a clock.

No matter the time, era or nostalgia, this car will never be in style or back in style. All of your shit cars pale in comparison to this shit.

image.jpeg

Wait, this was a shit car, too? Because we had one of these when I was a kid, in addition to the Chrysler POS's . . .

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On 12/3/2022 at 1:38 PM, LebongJames said:

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My dad had the same van back in the early 90s.  He delivered papers for extra money on weekends, so every Sat and Sun morning around 2am he would wake me and my brother up and we'd drive downtown to the newspaper office where they'd load the entire back of the van full of rolled up newspapers.  I'm talking from the back of the front seats, all the way to the hatch, and as high as halfway up the windows.  My brother and I would sleep on top of them as my dad sped through the hood, rifling them out the driver's window.  It was like a ghetto version of the game Paperboy except instead of the boy on a bike it was an overweight middle-aged man in a maroon Aerostar.

But the biggest piece of shit my mom owned was by far one of the very first Chrysler Concordes to roll off the assembly line.  They replaced the real main seal on it three times in the first six months of ownership.  They eventually took the car back due to Lemon Laws.  Even though I was 12 at the time, I vowed on that day to never buy a Chrysler product and I've kept that promise to this day.

1993-1997 Chrysler Concorde - Chrysler 300M Enthusiasts Club

 

Edited by Assman
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When my grandfather retired from Texico (worked in the Port Arthur refinery for 45 years) he treated himself to the first brand-new car he ever bought. A 1983 Buick Regal Limited. Mint green, with a landau top. Interior was a darker green velour with fake wood grain dash and power seats. He thought he was the king pimp of PAT in that car. He died in 1989, but my step grandmother drove it until 2001, then traded it in on a new Buick Century. 

54b8a9a45985d2be4774b8056a387cea.jpg

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The first car I ever bought with my own money...the 1983 Ford Mustang SVO. New, they were the top of the line Mustang and cost $17,000. I bought mine in 1988 for around $7,000 I saved up working summer jobs all through high school. It was a 2.3 liter turbo 4, and used the same engine as the Merkur XR4Ti. Ford had to build a few thousand of them to qualify for production car status in some racing series...IMSA Sports cars maybe. I used to tell people that it was $17,000 new, and it was a $16,000 engine in a $1,000 car. It was your basic piece of shit early '80s Mustang with a pretty nice German designed turbo 4. Never had a lick of trouble with the actual engine, but everything else on the car was a pile of shit. Ate alternators, running the AC would overheat the car unless you were on the highway, 5 speed manual, and you had to hold it in gear in reverse or first or it would pop out of gear on it's own, rear end started making noise, then suddenly seized and broke the drive shaft, starter relay died so often I kept an old flat head screwdriver in the glovebox to "jump" the relay and start the car (always fun on a date), etc., etc., etc...Mine was this exact charcoal gray color. 

2016-02-10_19-52-42.jpg

 

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My first vehicle was a 1980 Datsun pickup.  I bought it from my dad in 1985 or 86 for $1200.  I made a $100 payment each month for a year.  It was a 5 speed manual and ran fine for what it was.  The problem with it was the color.  I have no idea what color they called it or why Datsun made vehicles in that color, but my friends and I called it baby shit.  It was not a good look.  My dad also put a camper shell on it that was brown and really didn't look good.  That being said, it got me around and gave me some freedom.

ETA:  I just remembered that my mom had a 1980 Datsun B210 hatchback.  Color?  Yep, baby shit.  Not only that, but they bought them on the same fucking day.  We had 2 baby shit color Datsuns sitting in the driveway for years.

Edited by You don't know me
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Our family had a white Ford Granada with a red vinyl half top. The TV ads said it could be confused with a Mercedes. When my friends and I met up to drag race right after we finished driver’s ed and got our licenses, everyone else’s family car smoked our Granada (which couldn’t even peel out). It was fucking humiliating.

Ours was a ‘77. I’m sure that made a difference.

My mom’s cat escaped from its box (carriers weren’t really a thing back then) on the way to the vet to be put down and pissed on the back seat. Summers in SA made for a pleasant ride after that. 

Edited by ImissWallyPryor
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On 12/2/2022 at 6:53 PM, Mach 1 said:

Oh man, it's the Pinto and not even close.

pinto.thumb.png.2b25805b8e897e2bc262392ded2a9720.png

We took long road trips (also known as 'vacations') when I was a kid.  The back seat had two comfortable seats and a fucking hump between.  Two older brothers got the seats, I got the hump.  Whenever we went over a bump it launched my head into the roof.  Good times.

My parents had the 1974, baby blue, non-paneled version of this that became my hand-me-down when I got my learner's permit in '85.  Fortunately, Dad had it painted dark blue and dropped a new (to us) motor in it before I took it over.  

Drove that sumbitch into the ground for 4 years, replacing tires, brakes, master cylinder, oil pan, alternator, radiator, fuel pump, water pump, stereo, speakers, amp, stereo, speakers, stereo, etc.  Somehow didn't die in that deathtrap, finally "graduated" to an 82 Regal (pimpin', bitches) in '89 right before coming to Austin.  

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Dad had a '68 LTD boat that I loved as a kid.  390 cubic inch v8 that drank a gallon of gas if you glanced at it sideways.  I thought those hide-away headlights were the coolest thing on the planet.  If I ever find myself with piles of cash laying around, I'd love to build a custom cruiser version... (representative pic)

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Mom, at one time, drove what I'd argue is a candidate for this thread...1978 Pacer, in maroon... (also representative pic)

31158940-1978-amc-pacer-thumb.jpg

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My dad owned some great cars. He just got rid of them before they were valuable.

32 Ford 5 window coupe with flathead V8
54 Olds w/Rocket V8
57 Chevy 210 coupe
61 Olds F85 wagon (not a great car)
64 Olds Cutlass. - loved that car
68 Olds 442. My favorite of all.
69 VW Squareback Wagon (piece of shit)
70 Olds 442. Became my ride in 75.
71 Ford F100 Explorer. Great truck.
74 Olds Cutlass Supreme
76 Olds Cutlass Supreme (nice car)
82 Honda Accord
86 Honda Accord
90 Honda Accord
95 Honda CRV
97 Honda Accord

He went from Olds man to Honda man.

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On 12/5/2022 at 8:25 PM, Dahobbs said:

My highschool car. 

+s were heads up display, super adjustable seats with 9 different buttons to adjust the seat in every way possible, cool screen that showed image of car and when doors were open and the like, 3.6 liter V6, bass that sounded like someone was kicking the door

-s we're having to replace the alternator about once every 6 months, the engine just about falling out of the car while driving, and the car randomly shutting off while driving several times a year. 

Love and hate relationship with that car. 

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My uncle had that same car with the same color combo. It was a car that was close to being good. When it ran, on the highway it was extremely comfortable. But that was rare.

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On 12/15/2022 at 3:58 AM, GoPokes83 said:

6437447fd9c162f4836e9ee40a4afbe7.jpg
73 AMC Hornet with the Levi’s interior. Had a 304 V8 with a 4 speed. Sounds ok now, but what a piece of junk! Had it jacked up in the back ( As was the style of the late 70’s) so high you couldn’t see shit through the back window!

On Wheeler Dealers they renovated one of those with the Levi's interior. 

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On 12/6/2022 at 7:50 PM, TexasHooch said:

Here are mine as a child, teen, and college student (the Datsun was gray though).

 

1985 Voyager LE.jpg

 

I will never, ever, never understand the fake wood appeal.

At the grocery store the other day I saw Ford Flex with the fake wood wrap. I didn't see the person who drove that car as I reckon they were still in the store. I wanted to wait and see but was afraid I'd burst into laughter at them when they walked to the car.

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On 12/2/2022 at 2:19 PM, Litig8r said:

I drove this POS as my first car.  Worst electrical system ever. Had the entire SOB rewired, still a short that would kill batteries and alternators like Godzilla crushed Tokyo.  

European Inspired Pony-Car: 1974 Capri | Barn Finds

Is that a capri? My dad had a yellow one. I was too young to remember how shitty it was though. 

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My Mom was living on a shoestring budget and forced to make due from time to time. One of those times was when her old '60 Galaxie finally died and she was forced to buy a used Vauxhall station wagon. It was small, it was ugly and it always broke down. Closest pic I could find, except hers was faded mint green.

Vauxhall Victor Super Wagon

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  • 2 weeks later...
On 12/7/2022 at 1:57 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

I had a 1972 Dodge Dart that drove like a tuna boat with less luxury.

 

 

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My mom had a 1979 Chevy Chevette 

 

 

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It had a 4 cylinder engine and I sweater god that you had to get a running start of 3 miles to get up a hill with that thing. 

 

I had a buddy in High School that had a Chevette. We just called it "The 'Vette" so girls would assume he had a Corvette. 

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On 12/11/2022 at 9:45 AM, morehornsepower said:

Mom, at one time, drove what I'd argue is a candidate for this thread...1978 Pacer, in maroon... (also representative pic)

Buddy of mine had one of those in green. It was like driving around in a fish bowl.

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Jesus Christ - you guys drove some fancy ass cars.

This was my first - a 1970 Toyota Corona Deluxe.

3721d2d0657a105ceb766639c4d51969.jpg

And not a nice one like in this picture. Mine was the owned by some dude my dad worked with. Broken down and abandoned in the parking garage at work. They were going to make him pay the tow charge to haul it off and he told my dad he could have it if he’d haul it off. Towed the thing to out mechanic. Spent $350 or so to get it running. Voila, tbone has a car.

AC of course didn’t work so stereo speakers went in the vent holes. Didn’t go in reverse. In left turns the front passenger door would fly open - better buckle up there buddy. Wouldn’t go over about 45, so no freeways.

Good times.

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My first car was an 1970 AMC Gremlin. Butt-ugly but especially in this bird-shit green. Thing was a death trap. Maybe my parents were trying to tell me something. Only positive was that I put some big-ass speaker boxes in the back so I could blast tunes at a 11 during the golden age of rock and roll. 
 

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Edited by TonyTexas
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  • 2 weeks later...

Bad cars of childhood? I thought we had some good ones. All dates subject to hazy memory.

--Vague memories of something with classic tailfins when I was a toddler

--67 (?) Impala in that deep dark blue. I remember how immaculate it was when we got it, and how I knew that our pack of dirty sticky kids would run it down. Survived until I was almost ready for highschool.

--early 70s Nova. Gold with white top. Awesome little getabout, plus I was in charge of dropping my mom off at work, my sisters off at their school, then I was unsupervised. Gathered my own Dazed and Confused friends who needed a ride. Hive-mind hijinks occurred. The Nova held up well cornering on two wheels.

The cars above did everything they were supposed to. I never remember major problems, they'd just keep going. Sure they drank gas, but we didn't need to go more than 5 miles for anything, if that. Anything farther got planned out like D-Day for maximum efficiency.

Now, MY cars, that I bought? Starting at age 18? Basically anything that could happen happened. Did some wrenching. Was addicted to the car versions of crazy stabby women. Should have skipped buying one of them and just enrolled in juco mechanic courses so I could have fixed the next one before shit went haywire. But let us pour a libation for the 72 Superbeetle, the 71 Alfa Spider, the VW Camper Bus, the (free) Hyundai that ran even with a hole in the engine and then I sold it for a bottle of whiskey...

Those were the bad ones. Then Toyota happened and by the 90s you kinda had to try to kill a car. Given what I'd learned to fix, life got easy.

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Jesus Christ - you guys drove some fancy ass cars.

This was my first - a 1970 Toyota Corona Deluxe.

3721d2d0657a105ceb766639c4d51969.jpg

And not a nice one like in this picture. Mine was the owned by some dude my dad worked with. Broken down and abandoned in the parking garage at work. They were going to make him pay the tow charge to haul it off and he told my dad he could have it if he’d haul it off. Towed the thing to out mechanic. Spent $350 or so to get it running. Voila, tbone has a car.

AC of course didn’t work so stereo speakers went in the vent holes. Didn’t go in reverse. In left turns the front passenger door would fly open - better buckle up there buddy. Wouldn’t go over about 45, so no freeways.

Good times.

Wow. I thought I was the only one who had one of those. Mine was a two door coupe in dark blue. My dad was a service mgr. for a Toyota dealer. Obviously I was much sportier than you. Mine was actually a pretty nice little car.
67170b417e987947021687915bcf6b31.jpg
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