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Shit My Kid Says


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10 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

We would either hear it forever, or it would be a non-starter.....up until he decides to pull it out of the vault when asking a friend's mom or the lunch lady or a waitress for something to drink. 

From our perspective ... we're waiting to hear why this is a bad thing.

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Since it’s summertime and the wife is at home all day, the girls aren’t in daycare.  Every morning when I get ready for work, my oldest (21 months old) preempts my leaving with a really long drawn out “Byyyyye Dadddddy” as soon as I touch my keys.   

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My 3 year old has a theme for naming shops:

HEB = The Food Store

Donut and Kolache shop = The Donut Store

McDonalds = The Chicken Nugget Store

Any Pizza place = The Pizza Store

CVS = The ABC's Store  

Target = Target

Target is the only store he's learned the name of so far, and I can't believe it didn't get the name "the toy store". I don't think he even knows what McDonalds is, but we do reinforce the names a bit, because we get a kick out of how he names them. We will correct it in the future, but for now it's a cute pattern. 

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My 3 year old has a theme for naming shops:
HEB = The Food Store
Donut and Kolache shop = The Donut Store
McDonalds = The Chicken Nugget Store
Any Pizza place = The Pizza Store
CVS = The ABC's Store  
Target = Target
Target is the only store he's learned the name of so far, and I can't believe it didn't get the name "the toy store". I don't think he even knows what McDonalds is, but we do reinforce the names a bit, because we get a kick out of how he names them. We will correct it in the future, but for now it's a cute pattern. 
When my now 8yo was 2 or 3, he always talked about "the question mark store". We had no idea what he was talking about until one day he said it while pointing out the window. Turns out it was Walmart. No idea why that name.
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29 minutes ago, Modessit said:
On 7/1/2022 at 10:41 PM, Dutchrudder said:
My 3 year old has a theme for naming shops:
HEB = The Food Store
Donut and Kolache shop = The Donut Store
McDonalds = The Chicken Nugget Store
Any Pizza place = The Pizza Store
CVS = The ABC's Store  
Target = Target
Target is the only store he's learned the name of so far, and I can't believe it didn't get the name "the toy store". I don't think he even knows what McDonalds is, but we do reinforce the names a bit, because we get a kick out of how he names them. We will correct it in the future, but for now it's a cute pattern. 

When my now 8yo was 2 or 3, he always talked about "the question mark store". We had no idea what he was talking about until one day he said it while pointing out the window. Turns out it was Walmart. No idea why that name.

Questionable patrons= Question Mark Store

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On 7/4/2022 at 3:30 PM, CooterBrown said:

My 15YO made me proud today.

15YO: “I’m babysitting for a new family next week. They have 2 kids and I’ll get $25/hour.”

Me: “Wow. Don’t you usually charge $15 for two kids?”

15YO: “They’re young and can afford a house in our neighborhood so I knew they could afford it.”

Humblebrag

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He was angry at his mother for some dumb reason or another this afternoon, and he thought that he needed to play a prank to get her back. 

His bright idea was to take his collection of cicada skins and dump them into the mailbox. 

20220712_183556.thumb.jpg.f511636f3e1850869a0d4c39dab3e405.jpg20220712_183711.thumb.jpg.16b8bb8f3ec63541967f8d44273bb254.jpg

I pointed out that this was actually more of a prank on the mailman, and that depending on how much mail we received tomorrow, then they might all end up being crushed into dust and then it would just become a mess that he would have to clean up. 

So he dumped them all back into his tin, and Mrs. Doom remains unpranked and blissfully ignorant of what nearly transpired. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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  • 2 weeks later...

My wife and I took our 2-1/2 year old granddaughter out for a “date” to McDonald’s. We were about the only people dining in, and in walks a 70-something year old man wearing overalls (this was in Iowa). Our granddaughter starts singing Old McDonald Had A Farm at the top of her lungs. My back was to the old guy, and I couldn’t understand why my wife was choking on her food.

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Me: anything

12.5yo: this is bull shit

me: alright the internet is off for a month

kid: that’s total  bull shit!

me: ok a year no phone

kid: ok I’ll clean the pool

me: giterdun before football practice at seventeen fucking AM.!!!

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We had lunch today at a little mom and pop place in our little town. The door to the back dining room was closed with a sign saying, “Closed, reserved for larger parties.”
 

The lunch rush filled the front dining room up, so the server opened the door to the back to let more people sit. My kid asks, “why is she letting people back there? Because they’re bigger people?”

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1 hour ago, blacklab said:

11yo shows me pyramid shaped thing he got on a trip:

"It's like the holocaust from star wars"

me "not sure there was a holocaust in star wars"

11yo "holocron?"

me "yes, holocron" 

It was kind of like the Holocaust when they killed all the Jedi. 

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51 minutes ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet is very much interested in purchasing a "realistic decoy poop" to leave on his friend's doorstep after he rings the bell and runs away. 

I think I'm going to have to be a good father and make the purchase for him. 

Why pay for a decoy?

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5 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet is very much interested in purchasing a "realistic decoy poop" to leave on his friend's doorstep after he rings the bell and runs away. 

I think I'm going to have to be a good father and make the purchase for him. 

Do you have a good vegan peperoni recipe?

 

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On 8/9/2022 at 2:19 PM, Prepuce of Doom said:

Doomlet is very much interested in purchasing a "realistic decoy poop" to leave on his friend's doorstep after he rings the bell and runs away. 

I think I'm going to have to be a good father and make the purchase for him. 

Would you all believe that we're going to have to wait another day - perhaps even two - for the Deluxe Eight Piece Fake Poop Collection to arrive from Amazon Prime? 

 

20220810_180112.jpg

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18 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Would you all believe that we're going to have to wait another day - perhaps even two - for the Deluxe Eight Piece Fake Poop Collection to arrive from Amazon Prime? 

 

20220810_180112.jpg

Is today the day??

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  • 2 weeks later...

Rather than "like taking candy from a baby," Doomlet used the expression, "it's so easy, it's like scaring a baby" yesterday. I asked him how easy it was to scare a baby, and he explained, "all you have to do is say, 'look out, there's a shark!' and then they'll be scared because they don't know anything." 

~~~~~

We asked him how school was yesterday, and in describing what he did at recess, he told us that he "played the Chicken Shack game with Maeve." We asked him to tell us more about that, and he explained that he pretends to be the chicken shack owner, and he chases Maeve (who pretends to be the chicken) around the playground with his axe, and when he catches her, he chops her up into chicken nuggets.

Mrs. Doom and I were mildly concerned that perhaps Maeve might not want to be chased and/or chopped into nuggets, but apparently she's the one who came up with this game. 

Edited by Prepuce of Doom
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5 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

Rather than "like taking candy from a baby," Doomlet used the expression, "it's so easy, it's like scaring a baby" yesterday. I asked him how easy it was to scare a baby, and he explained, "all you have to do is say, 'look out, there's a shark!' and then they'll be scared because they don't know anything." 

~~~~~

We asked him how school was yesterday, and in describing what he did at recess, he told us that he "played the Chicken Shack game with Maeve." We asked him to tell us more about that, and he explained that he pretends to be the chicken shack owner, and he chases Maeve (who pretends to be the chicken) around the playground with his axe, and when he catches her, he chops her up into chicken nuggets.

Mrs. Doom and I were mildly concerned that perhaps Maeve might not want to be chased and/or chopped into nuggets, but apparently she's the one who came up with this game. 

My kid playing the chicken shack game may have concerned me. 

 

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