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Help, I got a got damn snake in my toilet

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So, I go out to the ranch casita today to check a roof leak. Since I have a bidet out there, I figured it would be a good time to drop a deuce. I open the toilet lid and to my surprise there was a rather large snake lounging in the bottom of the bowl. He is moving and brings his head out of the water. The only thing I have nearby is a 4 tine hand cultivator. So, I pick that up and try to stab him and yank him out, but after I whack him, he disappears into the bowl.

 

As you might expect, I am a little concerned about this. We actually saw him in the bowl one other time a couple of months ago, so I wasn't totally shocked today. Looks like he has breached the septic tank system. A few month ago, I bought and tried to install a special one way flapper under the toilet to prevent critters from getting in, but it didn't fit. Now, I've got to fish the bastard out. It looks to be a rat snake, so I'm not hell bent on killing it, but I'm gonna do what I got to do to be able to shit on that pot again in peace and tranquility.

 

Anyone ever experienced anything like this? Any ideas about getting him out? I'm thinking about going to Lowes and getting one of those grabber tools that old folk use to pick up their newspapers, but I'm not sure it will grip tight enough. The other option would be to try to grab it with welding gloves, but I'm too much of a pussy for that. A final option is to just burn down the God damn house, but I'm not there yet. Any ideas would be appreciated.

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Hits close to camp.  We removed a 5’-ish skin from toilet this weekend. Wrapped around toilet at broke off in the wall.  Due to wife and daughters, I might end up with a fucking camper over it. 

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Patricio Swayze to the white courtesy phone:

Hey Swayze, here's your chance to mix snakes with an industrial edge photo op.

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I've got a big ass glue trap arriving from Amazon today. Plan is to leave the lid open to invite the little guy out with the glue trap deployed right outside the toilet. Of course, I'll close the bathroom door so he doesn't disappear into the house.

 

 

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It's just a rat snake.  I expect there are plenty of mice and rats around your ranch.  Dispose of that snake and the rodent population increases.  Pull the snake out of the and put it outside, then check your sewage line to determine how it got there (although it might have just crawled in the toilet looking for water).

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That’s a decent size rat snake, although I have taken shits bigger than that.

Rat snakes are bitey. If you grab it anywhere other than behind the head, it will bite you.

Might draw a tiny bit of blood. But it doesn’t hurt.

It could be a little scary though, so a pair of gardening gloves and a long sleeve shirt will give you the confidence to just go in there and grab it and release it down the road.

Or you could just ask your husband to do it.

Either way, video it and post it here. 

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Rat snakes are bitey. If you grab it anywhere other than behind the head, it will bite you. Might draw a tiny bit of blood.


You just sealed that poor snake's fate.

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You just sealed that poor snake's fate.


You might get super powers from its radioactive, septic-venom. I’d say that’s well worth the risk

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Honestly, a pair of balls is all it takes to solve this problem. Sucks nobody in your family has any.

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I wouldn't worry so much about the snake. I'd worry the the fuck he got into the shitter pipes and what kind of shit you're spewing into the neighborhood.

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Jeebus, maybe it’s just me, but I would never be able to comfortably sit on that toilet again.

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Honestly, a pair of balls is all it takes to solve this problem. Sucks nobody in your family has any.
Look man, the only snake I'm gonna tussle with is the one between my legs, and I do that nightly.

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Honestly, a pair of balls is all it takes to solve this problem. Sucks nobody in your family has any.

Don’t worry. I’m getting down there tomorrow.

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Drop you balls in the tank , when he bites em just run outside and helicopter him off

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Get you a set of snake catchers at tractor supply. Don't use the glue board as it will kill it.

Secure its head and grab the neck and toss it outside. It want hurt you. 

Flush some moth balls down into the septic tank and put a hail screen cap on the roof vent.

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4 hours ago, Alex Karev said:

Don't use the glue board as it will kill it.

Not seeing the problem.

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Not seeing the problem.
So you DO like mice, scorpions & spiders in your house?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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Just now, ROFL BOX said:

So you DO like mice, scorpions & spiders in your house?

Better living through chemistry

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13 minutes ago, RPM said:

Not seeing the problem.

Why kill a harmless mouse snake.

You can catch and release outside.

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3 minutes ago, Alex Karev said:

Why kill a harmless mouse snake.

It violated the perimeter. There are rules.

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On 6/2/2020 at 9:24 PM, Upgrayedd said:

Shit on him.  That'll learn him.

Go on judge!  Shit on him!

 

88AF7B45-8747-4735-BA25-3407158F808D.jpeg

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Posted (edited)
13 minutes ago, RPM said:

It violated the perimeter. There are rules.

Did you miss the freekin part about this was at his ranch house.

On our Ranches we prefer to have rat snakes, owls and other predators around our homes and barns to control the mice and rats.

 

Edited by Alex Karev

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That’s a very nice sentiment and I agree, but did you miss the part where the snake was in the plumbing inside the house? That’s a dead snake every single time.

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7 hours ago, Alex Karev said:

Get you a set of snake catchers at tractor supply. Don't use the glue board as it will kill it.

Secure its head and grab the neck and toss it outside. It want hurt you. 

Flush some moth balls down into the septic tank and put a hail screen cap on the roof vent.

 

wait, are you suggesting the snake climbed up on the roof and down the vent?

Is that an actual thing or are you just being surly?

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Is that an actual thing


The pro in me says "yes, this very well could be an actual "thing".

The pro in me also says this has a .000001% chance of actually happening.c58d08183abab190927c87cd3796baf0.jpg

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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7 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

wait, are you suggesting the snake climbed up on the roof and down the vent?

Is that an actual thing or are you just being surly?

I can guarantee you the snake came down the roof vent pipe. So do giant water roaches.

You would be surprised what falls or climbs down sewer vent pipes.

I had squirrels that fell down the vents regularly until I installed the hail screen covers.

I you have large trees around your house you have these risk.

Google... Giant snake in San Angelo sewer pipe. If one of these comes up in your Toilet you will turn up the (RPM's) and you will violate your perimeters.

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Posted (edited)

I put on my gloves, took a shot of whiskey, and went in the other night. My heart was pounding when I lifted that toilet seat but alas, no snek. I deployed the sticky pad. If he dies, he dies. There is no shortage of rat snek out there. 
 

We are going to cover the roof vents as soon as one of us feels like climbing a ladder. 

Edited by Lat22

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8 hours ago, Lat22 said:

We are going to cover the roof vents as soon as one of us feels like climbing a ladder. 

Surely, you jest. 

Use chicken wire and hose clamps so they can actually vents. 

If you clean, solid cover the roof vents (soil stacks) you won’t like the results.  Terlets, sinks, showers and the like won’t drain and the smell of generations of poops will be overwhelming.  

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Posted (edited)

Chicken wire don't stop anything 

You can buy vents that have caps that breath underneath the edges. 

Wrap a bubble of hail screen around the cap.

Or you can just wait on the giant water roaches, snakes, squirrels, and the murder Hornets to invade your Casa. Don't say I didn't want you.

Edited by Alex Karev

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When I said cover, I meant with some type of screen. As of this posting, snek is still on the loose. 

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Before you screen off the vent pipe, it would be a really good idea to run a plumber's snake through it to make sure you aren't trapping the rat snake inside.  Would hate for it to turn out like rain on your wedding day. 

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2 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Help me & @deadshank out with this "hail screen" business.

It's just heavy gauge wire screen / cloth and nothing that will put you out of bidness 

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