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[Monkeying Around] Jeff Banks…


Fondren & Main

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4 minutes ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

Hang on captain, still a few hours to get you cleaned up.  

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1 hour ago, Intruder said:

Does everything have to involve aggie?

To be fair, the coach in question here, Mr. Banks, was an aggy coach for 5 years...

 

4 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

They had a blurb about this on the radio this morning on the classic rock station that I listen to in the car.  They mentioned that Banks was a candidate for the Washington State HC job, but if he gets it that the State of Washington wouldn't allow Pole Assassin to bring her monkey.  Is there some kind of a Washington state law prohibiting monkeys?

 

Answered my own question

image.png.eb160ffdffedd50aa922307ad6a11b48.png

User name check as you warn Jeff Banks to never marry a stripper (who has a pet monkey while trying to move to WA).

Edited by n64ra
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58 minutes ago, hobbs said:

I used to often say "you can't make this shit up" with regard to inane stories about the Ags.  Sadly, it now applies to us as well

Thus far, the only story we are talking about here is "monkey bites little shithead." It isn't really a juicy story. Replace the monkey with a dog, and no one would have even picked the story up, particularly in the circumstances claimed by Banks' girlfriend.

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1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

That's funny right there 

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1 hour ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse others that have a real support animal. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 

1 hour ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

By these definitions, my wife is my "Emotional Support Vagina."

She's gonna LOVE this new term of endearment.

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2 hours ago, ABSR said:

"Austin Texas, shit. I'm still only in Austin Texas. Every time I think I'm going to
wake up back in the jungle.

When I was home after my and Pole Assassin's first tour, it was worse. I'd wake up and there'd be nothing...
I hardly said a squawk to my emotional baggage until I said yes to a leash.
When I was here I wanted to be there. When I was there, all I
could think of was getting back into the jungle.
I've been here half a season now. Waiting for a dance beat, getting softer.

Every minute I stay in this cage I get weaker. And every minute Pole Assassin climbs that pole she gets stronger.
Each time I look around the cage walls move in a little tighter.

Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted to dance, pick up singles and fling poop, and for my sins they gave it to me and a crappy little kid poking his finger at me to boot. Brought it up to me like room service. "

giphy.gif

 

1 hour ago, Frank Gallagher said:

Gold Cup bit the dust with 290 widening.  Was my go to place for years.

giphy.gif

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4 hours ago, RollLeft said:

A service animal is legally protected by law while "emotional support animal" is a name people use to confuse the uninformed. For the lack of a better analogy its similar to fake service members claiming actual military experience/valor when they do not in fact have it.   Its as you say, the situation often is a weak human and their pet that they want or dependent upon being with them everywhere.    Basically, you could put a squirrel on a leash and call it your emotional support whatever.  People will feel sorry for you because obviously your regarded.

 keeping wildlife, an amphibious rodent, for uh, domestic, you know, within the city - that aint legal either.

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2 hours ago, TxTower said:

In case any of you are still waiting for the highlight of the season - this is it.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Are you crazy?  This is far from it.  We're going 7-6 and the Cheez-It Bowl in Orlando.  We're gonna have our coaching staff's emotional support animal surrounded by nothing but Cheez-It snacks and Disney mascots.  

Have you ever seen a Monkey in the throes of a processed cheese binge going insane on a crowd full of young kids and upright walking Mice?  You don't think this Gia the Monkey has friends in Florida?  Probably at Mons Venus?  This is gonna get Lit As Fuck.  

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10 hours ago, closetojumping said:

So one of my Alabama buddies called this morning to cackle about this. We got to talking and I forgot about the ATM story he told me. 

In Sumlin's last year, Banks and like 5 of the other coaches were all going through divorces or heading there. It was obviously a program and people in disarray. Fisher arrives in the aftermath and he had to "fix" a part of their offices. Apparently, Sumlin had contractors come in at some point and overhaul an area that was either extra space or conference rooms or some shit. They had shag carpeting brought in, a stripper pole installed, a bar, club lighting, and numerous partitioned areas with couches. 

Yeah, Sumlin built a private strip club in the ATM athletic facilities. They began bussing in strippers from Houston and specifically, the main club of choice is the one up 290 towards the Highway 6 cutoff. I can't remember the name of it but one of you degenerates will know. 

How did Banks and "Dani" meet and begin dating? You guessed it. She was regularly coming in to dance for major $$ at Club Kyle. Dude dumped his wife and 3-4 kids for her and promptly left them back in BCS when he got the call to go to Bama. 

Fisher shows up and, numerous obvious jokes aside, looks around and says "what in the fuck?" and eventually had the area remodeled to normal office confines. 

Another one - The Pole Assassin came to the family Christmas party held by the Sabans a few years ago dressed as a Slutty Stripper Elf. This is a family gathering for the team's players, families, and employees/spouses/kids held in the middle of the day shortly after the SEC title game and the playoffs. They have a Santa there. She proceeds to sit in Santa's lap by herself with numerous photos taken. Along with all of the other photos from the photographer that day, they were posted in the team admin's photo cloud for family members to download the ones of their own family. "Mrs. Terry", who I assume is Saban's wife, goes in to find all of the Pole Assassin photos and they were promptly deleted. 

The Pole Assassin apparently had numerous monkey incidents while in Tuscaloosa that I don't think we realized because they're not referenced to her and Banks, but she's apparently the source for the monkey business. You can google "Bama Monkey" and get your fix. Below are a couple of links from there:

https://www.cbs42.com/news/video-of-bama-monkey-in-tuscaloosa-goes-viral/

https://www.al.com/life/2020/08/bama-monkey-video-just-might-make-you-say-roll-tide.html

 

 

Only holier than thou aggy would run off a coach this awesome.  Tucson had to be heaven for Rumlin.  

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18 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Emotional support animal is a term invented by people who want to be able to take their pet places that don't allow pets, or avoid getting kicked out of a no-pets apartment for having pets.  

If you're calling a dog an "emotional support animal," then I'd like to punch you in the face, because that's what *ALL* dogs are.  

 

image.png.9059c442c3c08ee4d6ec1fefcedc5f12.png

 

Just buy this and take the animal anywhere, easy!

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Mack Brown’s pregame speech before the USC game was “Don’t go on Jerry Springer.”

The current staff has a wife that was on the show. 

Obviously this means we’ve come full circle and will be winning the title again in Los Angeles in January 2023. 

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