The Things Olds Do

[honolulu horn 6048]

My parents passed away long ago, but my in-laws are pretty awesome. FIL grew up growing some wheat and mostly dirt on farm in Kansas and eventually became an international pilot for one of the big three American carriers. MIL beat cancer and is the rock of the family. They are always there for their kids and grandkids. Still it's weird to see them age. When my wife causally mentioned that our daughter asked us for money for the school's book fair, FIL just said "That's because y'all don't go to church enough." Uhhhh....

[Prepuce of Doom 20856]

13 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Back in 1999 my mom clipped a newspaper article she thought might interest me.

She mailed it to me two months ago.

There was nothing interesting in it. 

My dad read at least one newspaper a day and subscribed to a dozen various types of magazines. He's been gone 6 years now, but he was the king of clipping articles for people. Sometimes I would receive a large manila envelope in the mail if my pile grew too large between visits. He had separate piles for everyone, and caught a lot of grief from both my brother and me, but also his same-age friends for continuing to preserve and present hard copies instead of emailing links. 

In his effort to modernize, his process became the following:

1. Clip article 

2. Give article clipping to secretary to scan into PDF 

3. Secretary emails him PDF 

4. Forward email from secretary containing PDF named something like XeroxMulticolorPrinter6_07.21.2023 with no other context. 

Edit: I can't believe I forgot to include the crown jewel of this process. 

If he saw an article online that he wanted to share, he would print it and then give the printout to his secretary to scan in order to begin Step 2 of the process described above. 

 

 

Edited July 17, 2023 by Prepuce of Doom

[Jerry Callo 8626]

My MIL and FIL share a phone.  It's my FIL's phone, but they pass it back and forth.  Never know who is sending or receiving text messages.  Never know who is going to be on the other end of the line for a telephone call.  She has her own phone and phone number.  Phone hasn't been out of the box as far as I know.  

I get anxious looking at his phone.  They don't know how to turn off notifications, so there are usually 300+ notifications sitting on the top bar.  Every once and a while, it will be handed to me or one of my kids to fix.  I delete about half of the apps, turn off most of the notifications, etc. - 3 months later and its right back to where it was.

[Superhero 8570]

I mentioned this in another thread - my mom doesn’t know how to close Chrome tabs on her phone.

You know how the app shows you how many tabs you have open with a number? Well, if it’s over 100, you get a 😃 instead.

[TrashMaster G 17263]

On 7/14/2023 at 7:04 PM, Spaulding Smails said:

We can't talk about the olds without talking about phone ringers.  My wife and I are fortunate enough to both have our parents.  All four in great health and in their late 60s.  All four insist on full volume ringer at all times.

My Dad:  Standard ring tone, full blast 24x7.  Ignores most calls.  Lets it ring and ring even if it's a telemarketer and right in front of him.  

My Mom:  All of her friends and family have a different ring tone.  Full blast.  She will answer every phone call every time.  She would stop surgery to answer a call from an unknown number. 

FIL:  Some custom ring tone of a Harley revving then "Bad to the Bone" song playing.  Bonus points because he talks on speakerphone at all times.

MIL:  Flashing light + custom ring tones + the Siri voice announcing who is calling.  Double bonus points because she constantly loses her phone and has hearing aids, so it rings and she's on a fire drill to try to find it. 

To be fair, most of this also applies to many inconsiderate assholes today who are nowhere near joining the "olds".

[stc 1440]

the olds across the street from me installed a video doorbell a few months ago. it is incredibly loud and sensitive. if i walk out my front door i hear "HELLO, YOU ARE BEING RECORDED" blasting from the front porch across the street. this happens every time a person walks by in the street, a car goes by, etc...they must be deaf as fuck for it to not drive them absolutely crazy. 

[Parliament 13979]

9 hours ago, Superhero said:

I mentioned this in another thread - my mom doesn’t know how to close Chrome tabs on her phone.

You know how the app shows you how many tabs you have open with a number? Well, if it’s over 100, you get a 😃 instead.

Parliament looks at his Chrome tabs...

 

[conVINCEd 21468]

9 hours ago, Superhero said:

I mentioned this in another thread - my mom doesn’t know how to close Chrome tabs on her phone.

You know how the app shows you how many tabs you have open with a number? Well, if it’s over 100, you get a 😃 instead.

My mom’s phone “broke” and in the process of fixing it I discovered she had 135 tabs open.

[Pescado_Rojo 19192]

Print out everything. Going on a trip? There will be a Manila folder with boarding passes, rental car and hotel confirmations, probably confirmations for any activities, and maybe some printed Mapquest directions. 

[Beau Vine 53625]

30 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Print out everything. Going on a trip? There will be a Manila folder with boarding passes, rental car and hotel confirmations, probably confirmations for any activities, and maybe some printed Mapquest directions. 

[conVINCEd 21468]

35 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Print out everything. Going on a trip? There will be a Manila folder with boarding passes, rental car and hotel confirmations, probably confirmations for any activities, and maybe some printed Mapquest directions. 

My dad’s largest monthly expense is printer cartridges.  He goes through them faster than a small business with 10 employees.

[T’Boo Ted Marshall 2718]

46 minutes ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Print out everything. Going on a trip? There will be a Manila folder with boarding passes, rental car and hotel confirmations, probably confirmations for any activities, and maybe some printed Mapquest directions. 

MIL does this and has many little post its with notes all over each page.  It's at least a 1 hour process to check in.  I usually wait at the bar with my FIL and pray for the poor soul that was working the desk.  

[Biff Tannen 44917]

13 hours ago, Prepuce of Doom said:

My dad read at least one newspaper a day and subscribed to a dozen various types of magazines. He's been gone 6 years now, but he was the king of clipping articles for people. Sometimes I would receive a large manila envelope in the mail if my pile grew too large between visits. He had separate piles for everyone, and caught a lot of grief from both my brother and me, but also his same-age friends for continuing to preserve and present hard copies instead of emailing links. 

In his effort to modernize, his process became the following:

1. Clip article 

2. Give article clipping to secretary to scan into PDF 

3. Secretary emails him PDF 

4. Forward email from secretary containing PDF named something like XeroxMulticolorPrinter6_07.21.2023 with no other context. 

Edit: I can't believe I forgot to include the crown jewel of this process. 

If he saw an article online that he wanted to share, he would print it and then give the printout to his secretary to scan in order to begin Step 2 of the process described above. 

 

 

[Pescado_Rojo 19192]

51 minutes ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

MIL does this and has many little post its with notes all over each page.  It's at least a 1 hour process to check in.  I usually wait at the bar with my FIL and pray for the poor soul that was working the desk.  

Yea, seems like the wife/mom is always in charge of the folder

[CycleTex87 2944]

1 hour ago, conVINCEd said:

My dad’s largest monthly expense is printer cartridges.  He goes through them faster than a small business with 10 employees.

No kidding, he ought to consider trashing whatever printer he is using and get one of the inkwell printers.  Canon Pixma or equal.  It’ll cut his printer expenses by 75%. 

[chikin23 384]

the olds across the street from me installed a video doorbell a few months ago. it is incredibly loud and sensitive. if i walk out my front door i hear "HELLO, YOU ARE BEING RECORDED" blasting from the front porch across the street. this happens every time a person walks by in the street, a car goes by, etc...they must be deaf as fuck for it to not drive them absolutely crazy. 

We must share old neighbors.

[Not that Bob 733]

3 hours ago, Pescado_Rojo said:

Print out everything. Going on a trip? There will be a Manila folder with boarding passes, rental car and hotel confirmations, probably confirmations for any activities, and maybe some printed Mapquest directions. 

I just tucked that manila folder into my carry on for a trip to see the grandkids. You see, a phone is a machine and all machines break at some point. Usually at the most inopportune time, like while boarding an airplane. A printed piece of paper never has low batteries or a weak signal, whippersnapper. 

[Grade of D as in David 13253]

4 minutes ago, Not that Bob said:

I just tucked that manila folder into my carry on for a trip to see the grandkids. You see, a phone is a machine and all machines break at some point. Usually at the most inopportune time, like while boarding an airplane. A printed piece of paper never has low batteries or a weak signal, whippersnapper. 

Don't forget to put some travelers checks in your security money belt.

[conVINCEd 21468]

3 hours ago, CycleTex87 said:

No kidding, he ought to consider trashing whatever printer he is using and get one of the inkwell printers.  Canon Pixma or equal.  It’ll cut his printer expenses by 75%. 

He’s locked in.  We aren’t changing shit at this point.  They still pay for two dedicated landlines, because he needs a dedicated fax machine once or twice per year.  It is what it is, and I’ve quit trying to change it.  Him pissing $100 of my inheritance down the toilet ever month is preferable to me having to teach him how to be a functional human.

[mininghorn88 2243]

My dad is big into genealogy.  He has been chasing our roots for 40+ years now and has branched out in numerous ways. His idea of a vacation these days is going to visit other olds that he has traced down as family members in the southeastern states and visiting “old home places” (those that still exist) and cemeteries.

In lieu of putting all of this info together in an online program like Ancestry he has developed his own system and has dozens of 3-ring binders put together with all them cross-referenced. Eventually one day I will probably be tasked to get it all entered for future reference.

Anytime that I let them know that I am going someplace he always says, “You should go by and see your 18th cousin 4’times removed (whom I have never met nor heard of). They live in BFE Tennessee. It is not too far from XYZ”. Or “While you are close you should go by so and so cemetery. That is where ABC is buried”.

On my last trip to London he asked if I could go by such and such property to see what it looks like today since one of my ancestors owned that property back in the 1600s. I did manage to take a picture of a street sign featuring my surname in a prominent part of London. He was happy about that.

[Knoxtnhorn 5906]

Thanks for all the laughs, guys.  I don't have time to "like" each post, but they're great.  Hook 'Em!

[Longhorn_Fan68 33693]

On 7/16/2023 at 10:51 PM, WhatTheBuck said:

Back in 1999 my mom clipped a newspaper article she thought might interest me.

She mailed it to me two months ago.

There was nothing interesting in it. 

did you check the other side?

My mom has started conflating phrases when she gets mad. She recently meant to shout one of either "Are you fucking kidding me right now" or "Are you fucking with me right now?" and instead blurted out "Are you fucking me right now?!" To me. Her son. I had to suppress all sorts of gag urges to explain to her the error in her phraseology. Way funnier now than in the moment, that's for sure.

[Chewbacca 7612]

My 83 year old dad was lamenting the fact that nobody writes in cursive today.  When pressed why that is important, he did not have an answer.  But he was sure it is important.  

[Incredulity 11141]

My paternal grandmother spent the last 5 years of her life foisting personal items on visitors.  I would object because I felt it’s her stuff.  My wife loves antiques.  Some of my favorite things on our walls are items Grandma gave me and my wife.

 

My mother has now reached the beginning of a similar phase.   
 

I’m gonna need a bigger house.

[Biff Tannen 44917]

3 hours ago, mininghorn88 said:

My dad is big into genealogy.  He has been chasing our roots for 40+ years now and has branched out in numerous ways. His idea of a vacation these days is going to visit other olds that he has traced down as family members in the southeastern states and visiting “old home places” (those that still exist) and cemeteries.

In lieu of putting all of this info together in an online program like Ancestry he has developed his own system and has dozens of 3-ring binders put together with all them cross-referenced. Eventually one day I will probably be tasked to get it all entered for future reference.

Anytime that I let them know that I am going someplace he always says, “You should go by and see your 18th cousin 4’times removed (whom I have never met nor heard of). They live in BFE Tennessee. It is not too far from XYZ”. Or “While you are close you should go by so and so cemetery. That is where ABC is buried”.

On my last trip to London he asked if I could go by such and such property to see what it looks like today since one of my ancestors owned that property back in the 1600s. I did manage to take a picture of a street sign featuring my surname in a prominent part of London. He was happy about that.

Brother?  Except my dad is huge into Ancestry.com.  Has us back to like the 1200s I think.

[rage-a-holic 4237]

19 hours ago, Not that Bob said:

I just tucked that manila folder into my carry on for a trip to see the grandkids. You see, a phone is a machine and all machines break at some point. Usually at the most inopportune time, like while boarding an airplane. A printed piece of paper never has low batteries or a weak signal, whippersnapper. 

Yep. Fuck all this "stupid olds needing to print everything" shit.

I just did a 5 week Europe/Mexico vacation and printed every damn document I thought I would need.

Guess whose phone was dead or misplaced a dozen times when she needed to show her boarding pass/ticket/official document?

Traveling with a woman and relying on her/her phone is just fucking insane.

[thunderlounge 7581]

1 hour ago, rage-a-holic said:

Yep. Fuck all this "stupid olds needing to print everything" shit.

I just did a 5 week Europe/Mexico vacation and printed every damn document I thought I would need.

Guess whose phone was dead or misplaced a dozen times when she needed to show her boarding pass/ticket/official document?

Traveling with a woman and relying on her/her phone is just fucking insane.

This. Out of country and you bet I have paper copies. No telling on reception, battery life, or heaven forbid a phone is lost or stolen. 
 

Domestically, not so much.

[davidg 4015]

Maybe shit my dads says, but …

My dad is 90. We moved him to a memory care facility in early January. He’s doing pretty good there. I was visiting this weekend and we were sitting in his room, talking and watching a fishing show on TV. One of the aids knocks on the door and sticks her head in and says it time to eat. Dad pops up out of his chair and says supper on the table and pussy on the bed are two things I can still move pretty fast for.

[Rimbo 25212]

Man, I tell ya. Won't be long before this thread is about me. Us, even.

I still have a working cassette deck. Can't fathom getting rid of it.

[Longhorn_Fan68 33693]

1 minute ago, Rimbo said:

Man, I tell ya. Won't be long before this thread is about me. Us, even.

I still have a working cassette deck. Can't fathom getting rid of it.

cassettes (and tangible media in general) are making a comeback. I'm just hoping my Laserdisc collection is finally worth something!

[Bender Bending Rodriguez 1662]

On 7/15/2023 at 10:09 PM, ztejas said:

Your dad sounds like he's fucking awesome. 

Or a Mexican.

Or both.

My 71 year old dad is a fuckin awesome Mexican from the valley that moved to Houston in the 70’s. Even in this crazy summer heat, his happy place is watching the Astros and Longhorns in his sweltering hot garage with nothing more than a small fan. We text/talk daily, but since he’s only about 15 minutes away, I’ll grab a cold six pack and head his way almost every Sunday. We’ll watch a game while he tinkers around with any one of about 10 ongoing woodworking projects. Hot as hell, but great times indeed. 

[Longhorn_Fan68 33693]

13 minutes ago, Bender Bending Rodriguez said:

My 71 year old dad is a fuckin awesome Mexican from the valley that moved to Houston in the 70’s. Even in this crazy summer heat, his happy place is watching the Astros and Longhorns in his sweltering hot garage with nothing more than a small fan. We text/talk daily, but since he’s only about 15 minutes away, I’ll grab a cold six pack and head his way almost every Sunday. We’ll watch a game while he tinkers around with any one of about 10 ongoing woodworking projects. Hot as hell, but great times indeed. 

I read all that as your avatar

[Biff Tannen 44917]

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

Man, I tell ya. Won't be long before this thread is about me. Us, even.

I still have a working cassette deck. Can't fathom getting rid of it.

My car has one.  I'm 41.

[Biff Tannen 44917]

3 hours ago, rage-a-holic said:

Yep. Fuck all this "stupid olds needing to print everything" shit.

I just did a 5 week Europe/Mexico vacation and printed every damn document I thought I would need.

Guess whose phone was dead or misplaced a dozen times when she needed to show her boarding pass/ticket/official document?

Traveling with a woman and relying on her/her phone is just fucking insane.

 

1 hour ago, Rimbo said:

Man, I tell ya. Won't be long before this thread is about me. Us, even.

I still have a working cassette deck. Can't fathom getting rid of it.

I can't wait for this to devolve into the olds yelling at the "youngs" (are there any?) on the site and vice versa.

[nnm 35473]

1 minute ago, Biff Tannen said:

 

I can't wait for this to devolve into the olds yelling at the "youngs" (are there any?) on the site and vice versa.

Someone on another thread complained (trivial things that make you surly?) about an “old man” who was 52 or 53. 

[Superhero 8570]

7 hours ago, Incredulity said:

My paternal grandmother spent the last 5 years of her life foisting personal items on visitors.  I would object because I felt it’s her stuff.  My wife loves antiques.  Some of my favorite things on our walls are items Grandma gave me and my wife.

My mother has now reached the beginning of a similar phase.   

I’m gonna need a bigger house.

My parents are trying to get me to take over their collection of pewter plates and cups.

Uhhh. Hey mom and dad, how exactly am I going to carry 20 kilos of metal junk onto a plane?

 

FWIW, I collect bottle caps and hotel card keys that probably have a street value of $0. I'm not going to saddle my kids with anything worth saving except for a guitar or two.

[Jimbaround 971]

Containers for leftovers. My mom has two full cabinets in her kitchen filled with storage containers (from take out, restaurant leftover containers, Tupperware, you name it); dozens of containers. I go into her fridge and she is reusing a sour cream carton to store leftover soup. 50% of the jars or tubs in her fridge hold something different than the label.

[Dennis Taylor 18544]

On 7/17/2023 at 10:10 AM, stc said:

the olds across the street from me installed a video doorbell a few months ago. it is incredibly loud and sensitive. if i walk out my front door i hear "HELLO, YOU ARE BEING RECORDED" blasting from the front porch across the street. this happens every time a person walks by in the street, a car goes by, etc...they must be deaf as fuck for it to not drive them absolutely crazy. 

Sounds like you're doing something shady over there...what are you trying to hide?

[ImissWallyPryor 9044]

On 7/15/2023 at 1:55 PM, mchookem said:

wtf with old pople and their refrigerators?? every visit to both my parents as well as my MIL required a clean out 🤮 my 85 yoa aunt's fridge looks like a hoarder and she barely even eats!

expired everything... condiments, milk, juices, salad dressings, cheeses, yogurts, lunchmeats... there'd be four things of sour cream with the youngest expiring six months ago. fresh veggies from latest grocery trip on top...covering bags of rotting lettuce and onions. i mean how long do you have to keep a carrot for it to go bad??

i used to get so frustrated at my mom, she'd say 'well i was at the grocery and needed cream cheese and didn't remember i had some' and i'd be like 'fine... but when you get home just throw the old one away!' and she'd be all 'quit fussing at me!' 🙄

ugh. every old person i know does it. remnants from growing up poor?? dunno...but so gross.

Almost Old here with a rebuttal. My kids (age 23-30) and their spouses/whatever come over for meals and they are always looking at the Best By Date on foods. If it’s one day past the BBD, they question if it’s okay to eat because it’s “expired.”  No, it’s not EXPIRED, gotdammit. And no, we don’t keep foods that are well past their BBD…usually, that is.

/end olds rant

[NeverMarryAStripper 21765]

16 hours ago, Chewbacca said:

My 83 year old dad was lamenting the fact that nobody writes in cursive today.  When pressed why that is important, he did not have an answer.  But he was sure it is important.  

If you can’t sign your name and have to resort to printing your signature then you might as well just make a big X

[Biff Tannen 44917]

2 hours ago, ImissWallyPryor said:

Almost Old here with a rebuttal. My kids (age 23-30) and their spouses/whatever come over for meals and they are always looking at the Best By Date on foods. If it’s one day past the BBD, they question if it’s okay to eat because it’s “expired.”  No, it’s not EXPIRED, gotdammit. And no, we don’t keep foods that are well past their BBD…usually, that is.

/end olds rant

I mean...it is.

[NWBuck 8511]

25 minutes ago, Biff Tannen said:

I mean...it is.

Not always: USDA Food Product Dating

CNN- The truth, and strategy, of food expiration dates

[You don't know me 1161]

On 7/17/2023 at 7:51 AM, Prepuce of Doom said:

My dad read at least one newspaper a day and subscribed to a dozen various types of magazines. He's been gone 6 years now, but he was the king of clipping articles for people. Sometimes I would receive a large manila envelope in the mail if my pile grew too large between visits. He had separate piles for everyone, and caught a lot of grief from both my brother and me, but also his same-age friends for continuing to preserve and present hard copies instead of emailing links. 

In his effort to modernize, his process became the following:

1. Clip article 

2. Give article clipping to secretary to scan into PDF 

3. Secretary emails him PDF 

4. Forward email from secretary containing PDF named something like XeroxMulticolorPrinter6_07.21.2023 with no other context. 

Edit: I can't believe I forgot to include the crown jewel of this process. 

If he saw an article online that he wanted to share, he would print it and then give the printout to his secretary to scan in order to begin Step 2 of the process described above. 

 

 

My dad died about 10 years ago.  One of the boxes of things that I got contained a bunch of newspaper clippings from the Tupelo Daily Journal.  No major news stories, but I guess they had names of people that he either knew or maybe relatives of people that he knew.  They were also laminated.

[You don't know me 1161]

6 minutes ago, You don't know me said:

My dad died about 10 years ago.  One of the boxes of things that I got contained a bunch of newspaper clippings from the Tupelo Daily Journal.  No major news stories, but I guess they had names of people that he either knew or maybe relatives of people that he knew.  They were also laminated.

Too late to edit...

I also wanted to add that on one of my last visits to see my dad before he passed, I had a strong indication that he felt like it may be the last visit for us.  At least possibly the last visit where he could still get out and show me things.  He had me driving all over northeast Mississippi going to all of the cemeteries where we have relatives buried.  Very somber experience.

[Classic Rock 255]

My Grandfather used to make comments at the Obituaries in his town's newspaper.

"I outlasted him!"

"Hey, I beat Ol' Smitty!"

Or my favorite "They make him sound like a saint, the guy was jackass of the first order!"

[Crapinon 2238]

10 hours ago, Superhero said:

My parents are trying to get me to take over their collection of pewter plates and cups.

Uhhh. Hey mom and dad, how exactly am I going to carry 20 kilos of metal junk onto a plane?

 

FWIW, I collect bottle caps and hotel card keys that probably have a street value of $0. I'm not going to saddle my kids with anything worth saving except for a guitar or two.

I told my kids I'm randomly hiding $100 bills in old books and boxes of junk. This will make up for them leaving all their stuff behind when they moved out and expecting me to store it for them. 

[Chewbacca 7612]

3 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

If you can’t sign your name and have to resort to printing your signature then you might as well just make a big X

Meh.  My oldest has figured out that he can just sign in a squiggle.  He cannot write in cursive and who cares?  Other than a signature I haven't written in cursive in decades.

[Crapinon 2238]

7 hours ago, Jimbaround said:

Containers for leftovers. My mom has two full cabinets in her kitchen filled with storage containers (from take out, restaurant leftover containers, Tupperware, you name it); dozens of containers. I go into her fridge and she is reusing a sour cream carton to store leftover soup. 50% of the jars or tubs in her fridge hold something different than the label.

Are you my son because this sounds like my wife. 

 

[Crapinon 2238]

One thing olds do is laugh at the guys who make fun of us olds. We did the same thing when we were young. Then we became olds and do the same stuff we made fun of when we were young. 

[Dennis Taylor 18544]

11 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

One thing olds do is laugh at the guys who make fun of us olds. We did the same thing when we were young. Then we became olds and do the same stuff we made fun of when we were young.