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Is anyone playing ancestor roulette for Christmas?


Wally Fairway

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4 hours ago, El Diablo said:

I thought most Mexicans got their blood from the natives and got their language from Spain.

Most Mexicans are mestizo to varying degrees. But some are “pure” native, others “pure” Spaniard. And of course you have a very few that have some African or Asian or other heritage mixed in.  I come from a mostly light-skinned family, which makes it safe to assume that I have way more Spaniard blood than native.

I’ve talked about it before, but romantically I really love how I turned out. I have an incredibly generic hispanic first & last name, but if you saw me in person you’d think I was just a regular American white guy. Something about that combination of foreign exoticness & white looks drives many women nuts. You guys that are obviously one race or another are really missing out.

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I know the cool bro thing to do is bash the dna testing, but for some families, it can help understand some things.  I did the Ancestry DNA one, and I did it because my family is light skinned black and I wanted to know why. Getting back the percentages was interesting but definitely not what I was expecting. 

Black family history is interesting, intriguing, and frustrating.  Sometimes, you don’t know family history and genealogy because no one in the family knows.  While I wouldn’t just say it’s a Black family thing, but some  Black families (not all, but a lot) don’t like talking about history and the past.  Moreover, some Black families don’t know their past because of slavery.  Think about it—slave families were broken up or separated often and it’s not like they had a lot of records.  Then post slavery, sure you had narratives to go by from family members, but it’s not like things were written down or family trees and crests were a thing.

Long story short—it’s cool that some of you have neat stories about your heritage but that’s not possible for everyone.  And sure, you can be scared of the gubment having your DNA, but I’m fairly certain if ads for target pop up on my twitter feed just because I’m contemplating going to target then the gov can get their hands on your dna if the really wanted it.  

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8 minutes ago, Pancho Negro said:

I know the cool bro thing to do is bash the dna testing, but for some families, it can help understand some things.  I did the Ancestry DNA one, and I did it because my family is light skinned black and I wanted to know why. Getting back the percentages was interesting but definitely not what I was expecting. 

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5 hours ago, Pancho Negro said:

I know the cool bro thing to do is bash the dna testing, but for some families, it can help understand some things.  I did the Ancestry DNA one, and I did it because my family is light skinned black and I wanted to know why. Getting back the percentages was interesting but definitely not what I was expecting. 

Black family history is interesting, intriguing, and frustrating.  Sometimes, you don’t know family history and genealogy because no one in the family knows.  While I wouldn’t just say it’s a Black family thing, but some  Black families (not all, but a lot) don’t like talking about history and the past.  Moreover, some Black families don’t know their past because of slavery.  Think about it—slave families were broken up or separated often and it’s not like they had a lot of records.  Then post slavery, sure you had narratives to go by from family members, but it’s not like things were written down or family trees and crests were a thing.

Long story short—it’s cool that some of you have neat stories about your heritage but that’s not possible for everyone.  And sure, you can be scared of the gubment having your DNA, but I’m fairly certain if ads for target pop up on my twitter feed just because I’m contemplating going to target then the gov can get their hands on your dna if the really wanted it.  

cool bro.  

 

seriously though this has to do with a lot more than targeted ads.  very soon your genetic info can and will be used against you in all sorts of ways, e.g. precluding you from obtaining life insurance.  and all sorts of other ways I haven’t read enough about.  but as of now we only have our toe in this pool, and I guarantee you in 10 years genetic information will be highly coveted and there will be no shortage of people who regret paying a corporation to take it from them so easily. 

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I read recently that there still isn't a large enough sample size to really make any of these tests make a shit. Some dude did all 3 of the major ones and all 3 came back quite different as far as heritage. Obviously it could still tell you if your mom fucked around, but yeah. Maybe it was all made up, but it was on the internet.

Regardless, I'm in the they aren't getting my spit camp. There are things I'm happy being ignorant about. But if you're into it, you do you. 

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51 minutes ago, pops said:

I read recently that there still isn't a large enough sample size to really make any of these tests make a shit. Some dude did all 3 of the major ones and all 3 came back quite different as far as heritage. Obviously it could still tell you if your mom fucked around, but yeah. Maybe it was all made up, but it was on the internet.

Regardless, I'm in the they aren't getting my spit camp. There are things I'm happy being ignorant about. But if you're into it, you do you. 

I’ve always thought the science was pretty dubious as far as telling you the percentage makeup of your blood from a geographic standpoint.  I have a friend who did it with two different companies and the percentage breakdown was vastly different though there was some overlap in the geographic areas. 

but yes, it can possibly tell you if your mom is a filthy slut.  as long as they don’t mistake your microgram of spittle with one of the other 100,000 spit samples they’re also processing. 

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I read recently that there still isn't a large enough sample size to really make any of these tests make a shit. Some dude did all 3 of the major ones and all 3 came back quite different as far as heritage. Obviously it could still tell you if your mom fucked around, but yeah. Maybe it was all made up, but it was on the internet.
Regardless, I'm in the they aren't getting my spit camp. There are things I'm happy being ignorant about. But if you're into it, you do you. 
Maybe not yet, but your genetic data on file does not "expire." Who knows what they'll be able to do in the future.
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1 hour ago, Parliament said:

Maybe not yet, but your genetic data on file does not "expire." Who knows what they'll be able to do in the future.

here’s something.  “oh sir your genetic data indicates an abnormally high risk for X disease. we’re sorry but we can’t insure you.”

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My MIL keeps her Shell gas card in an RFID protected wallet and her one bank card in a safe so the russians can't steal her identity with scanners she is sure are hidden all around her small town.

I tried to tell my wife there is no way she'll take that test without 1st finding 1000 reasons why it is an invasion of privacy and an open invitation to identity theft during a Bing or Yahoo search.

My wife bought it for her anyway.....the odds of it still being in the box years from now when we clean out her stuff after she passes are quite high to 100%.

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55 minutes ago, Reagan1k said:

My MIL keeps her Shell gas card in an RFID protected wallet and her one bank card in a safe so the russians can't steal her identity with scanners she is sure are hidden all around her small town.

I tried to tell my wife there is no way she'll take that test without 1st finding 1000 reasons why it is an invasion of privacy and an open invitation to identity theft during a Bing or Yahoo search.

My wife bought it for her anyway.....the odds of it still being in the box years from now when we clean out her stuff after she passes are quite high to 100%.

insubordination should never be tolerated, especially from your wife

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I figure if you give your DNA to folks that study DNA they'll likely find some interesting markers. And then one day those markers will be connected to some diseases. And then some Big Pharma will convince the DNA keepers that they can maybe treat the diseases and if they just knew who had the DNA that indicated the potential well, that would be helpful.. So, anyway, your grandkids get a special something in their school lunches unknown to them or anyone else. KInd of a Tuskegee Part 2.

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I have been told that several of the leading DNA ancestry companies are owned operated by he LDS church, which would make sense, because their genealogy records are amazing.

Anyway, someone brought up privacy concerns, and some say that when you submit your sample for testing, the results, with your identity are kept and archived by the LDS church.  Not sure if this is truth or fiction. Hoping someone else here would know.

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On December 20, 2018 at 3:21 PM, Wiler77 said:

Honestly this is what keeps me from doing those tests.  I have had some drunken flings in my youth--not a ton but a few.  And in a number of those flings I never saw the girl again.  What if somewhere along the way I slipped one past the goalie?  No way on this fucking earth do I want to know that.

Similar reason why I'm not on Facebook.  I keep in touch with the people I want to keep in touch with.  Others don't need access to my life.

Maybe someone already pointed this out. But you realize taking a DNA test won't tell you anything about unknown children you might have sired during a one night stand, right?

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1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Maybe someone already pointed this out. But you realize taking a DNA test won't tell you anything about unknown children you might have sired during a one night stand, right?

if any of those kids take the DNA test, then he would show up as a match as their parent.

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8 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Maybe someone already pointed this out. But you realize taking a DNA test won't tell you anything about unknown children you might have sired during a one night stand, right?

maybe not right away.  but eventually, yes, you may find out quite a bit about your anonymous bastards. 

or yeah what po elvis said. 

Edited by futureman
you big dummy !
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On 12/22/2018 at 1:03 AM, futureman said:

I’ve always thought the science was pretty dubious as far as telling you the percentage makeup of your blood from a geographic standpoint.  I have a friend who did it with two different companies and the percentage breakdown was vastly different though there was some overlap in the geographic areas. 

but yes, it can possibly tell you if your mom is a filthy slut.  as long as they don’t mistake your microgram of spittle with one of the other 100,000 spit samples they’re also processing. 

Okay. 

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  • 1 month later...

https://www.wsj.com/articles/two-sisters-bought-dna-kits-the-results-blew-apart-their-family-11549037904?mod=hp_lead_pos5

paywall

Quote

Sonny and Brina Hurwitz raised a family in Boston. They both died with secrets.

In 2016, their oldest daughter, Julie Lawson, took a home DNA test. Later, she persuaded her sister, Fredda Hurwitz, to take one too.

In May, the sisters sat down at the dinner table in Ms. Hurwitz’s Falls Church, Va., home to share their results. A man’s name popped up as a close genetic match for Ms. Hurwitz. Neither had ever heard of him.

Ms. Lawson searched for the man on Facebook . When she saw his photos, she knew. He looked like their late father. Based on his age and the close physical resemblance, Ms. Lawson immediately told her sister, “He’s got to be our brother.” This was their father’s secret. He had a child they never knew about.

Then came a second shock. Ms. Lawson’s test showed she didn’t appear to have any genetic connection to this new man. This was their mother’s secret: Ms. Lawson was the product of a brief extramarital affair. The man who raised her wasn’t her biological father.
The revelations ricocheted through the family. They created new bonds with people who were once strangers. They caused tension with family they had known all their lives. And they sparked a fight between the sisters about the bonds of loyalty—and how much their parents should have told them.

Ms. Lawson, 65 years old, said she is still grappling with “the pain of knowing my life was a lie and having all these questions that can’t be fully answered because both my parents are gone.”

The hardest part, she said, came the moment she and Ms. Hurwitz, 52, realized they were half, not full, sisters.

“We held each other,” Ms. Lawson said, “and we sobbed.”

At a time of ubiquitous direct-to-consumer genetic testing, family confidences are almost impossible to keep. Companies sell their products for under $100, pitched through heartwarming ads. Millions of DNA kits have been sold in recent years that have handed over information both useful and shocking.

Sales of DNA tests are soaring as people seek to learn more about their roots. Ancestry, whose tests the sisters used, reported sales of 14 million DNA kits world-wide as of November, up from 3 million in 2016. A paper published in Genome Biology, a scientific journal, last year estimated more than 100 million people will have their DNA tested by 2021.

Ancestry provides customers who choose to do so with a way to connect online with others who are DNA matches. The company said it has “a small, dedicated group of highly experienced representatives who speak to customers with more sensitive queries.”

Genetic counselor Brianne Kirkpatrick, founder of Watershed DNA, which provides consultations to people with DNA questions, advises clients to consider how and whether to share certain information. “If you have a secret or think something might be uncovered through DNA testing, start preparing what you want to share ahead of time when you can be in control,” she said.

Ms. Kirkpatrick sometimes suggests clients write letters, explaining details behind their children’s genetic origins, which they can give if the secret is revealed. “I have become of the mind-set it is not a matter of if the secrets will come out,” she said. “It is a matter of when the secrets will come out.”

Given the rapid growth of consumer genetic testing, people can often be identified even if they don’t take a test themselves. Some people who take tests share family trees online. Amateur genealogists and researchers can identify additional connections through obituaries, wedding announcements, and other public information.

In a paper published in October in the journal Science, researchers estimated over 60% of individuals of European descent in the U.S. now have a third cousin or closer relative in a database. “DNA tests can reveal that there is something odd going on,” said Yaniv Erlich, one of the authors and chief science officer of DNA-testing company MyHeritage. “But they don’t tell you the story of what happened.”

“My surprise was that a child existed,” said Ms. Hurwitz. “And he looked so much like Dad.”

Mr. Dolvin wasn’t certain the women’s assumptions about their father were correct. It was hard to believe, he said, “that I finally got an answer to the question haunting me for such a long time.” He went home and wondered, “Are they really my siblings?”

Siblings share around half their DNA. Half-siblings share a quarter, and first cousins, on average, share 12.5%. Mr. Dolvin checked his report and compared the shared DNA for him and Ms. Hurwitz: It indicated they were half-siblings.

That night, excited by Mr. Dolvin’s visit, Ms. Lawson couldn’t sleep. That is also when she began to wonder why his name hadn’t come up on her results. Why did he have a genetic relationship only with her sister?

Ms. Lawson asked for help answering that question from Larry Alssid, 64, a Long Island, N.Y., psychologist, who had contacted her after he took an Ancestry test a few years ago, showing they were related. They could never figure out their connection but had kept in touch.

After hearing her news, Dr. Alssid suspected Ms. Lawson might have a different biological parent than her sister. He didn’t want to be the one to tell her the potentially shattering information. “I slept on it,” he said.

He told her to check the amount of DNA she and her sister shared in common. Soon she understood: She and her sister didn’t have the same biological parents—or father, to be precise.

“I did regret I told her because she was in shock,” Dr. Alssid said. “We still didn’t know who her father was.”

Later, Dr. Alssid consulted a family tree and gave her names of four brothers—distant relatives he had never met—who he thought could be a match.

Based on their ages, the two youngest, Jack and Ira Greenberg, he said, were the likeliest candidates.

“Jack or Ira? My mother never mentioned those names,” Ms. Lawson recalled saying. She doubted she would find the answers she wanted.

Dr. Alssid told her that a nephew of Jack and Ira might know more. The nephew, whom she emailed, told her all the brothers went by nicknames. The youngest, Ira, was known as Hy.

“That is when I knew,” said Ms. Lawson. “My mother always told me that her first love was a boy named Hy.”

Hy Greenberg was the only brother still alive. An 89-year-old retired traveling salesman, he never married and was living in Florida. His nephew called him about Ms. Lawson’s quest. He agreed to a phone conversation.

She started slowly, telling him she was doing a family tree. Did he know a woman named Brina?

He immediately recognized the name. “Yes,” he said. “I dated her, my best friend introduced us.”

 

Later in the conversation, she asked the key question. “I have to get personal,” she said. “Would your relationship have included sex?”

Mr. Greenberg said yes.

“You are my father,” Ms. Lawson told him. “I am your daughter.”

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Mr. Greenberg said.

Mr. Greenberg had never done a DNA test. He wasn’t interested. And he struggled to understand how Ms. Lawson could use the DNA test results of other relatives of his to identify him as her father. Later, at Ms. Lawson’s request, he sent in his own kit. The results indicated they were parent and child.

During their first call, he shared details of his early dates with her mother after he got out of the Navy. She wanted to get serious, he said, but he told her he wasn’t interested in marrying. They briefly rekindled the connection years later, after her mother was married. Then they parted ways again.

He never imagined himself being a father, but found they shared a similar sense of humor and a love of storytelling; the conversation lasted hours. She suggested they meet. Mr. Greenberg hesitated, then said, “You want to come, come.”

In June, Ms. Lawson caught a flight to Florida and knocked on the door of her biological father. It was Father’s Day weekend. He called her darling and gave her a hug.

Welcome home,” he said.

The visit led Ms. Lawson and her sister to have an intense fight. Ms. Lawson posted a picture of herself and Mr. Greenberg on Facebook, and added she was spending her first Father’s Day with her father.

“I was furious,” said her sister, Ms. Hurwitz. “I was in tears. I told her Dad is still Dad, and you have just negated his entire existence and everything he ever did for you with that one post.”

Ms. Lawson said she never meant any disrespect to their late father. “I felt misunderstood,” she said. “My brain was so caught up in what is going on.”

She says she feels a powerful emotional connection to her biological father. The next time she went to see him, she took her sister along.

Meeting him was difficult for Ms. Hurwitz. She kept wondering if he was the man whom her mother preferred over her father. “I didn’t know what to say or how to act.”

Getting to know her new half brother has been easier for her. And it has answered questions for him, too. “I finally got the answer that wasn’t supplied to me by people who loved me and who I loved,” he said.

Growing up, his cousins teased him about the light color of his skin, calling him “white boy,” he said. An only child, he frequently asked his mother about his origins. “Don’t worry about it,” he says she told him. He stopped asking when he was a teenager; his mother died decades ago.

“I was still curious, but no one would tell me,” he said. “Emotionally, you wish it could have been another way, but unfortunately, it isn’t.”

In the months since they met, the sisters and Mr. Dolvin, and members of their families, have met for dinners and outings. During a visit in Boston, Ms. Lawson took Mr. Dolvin around the neighborhood where she grew up, pointing out family landmarks. He refers to both women as his sisters, even though he shares a biological father with only one.

So far, the sisters’ other two siblings, both men, haven’t expressed interest in meeting Mr. Dolvin. Phil Hurwitz, 63, who was born six months before Mr. Dolvin, said he remains unsure “how I want to move forward.”

Ms. Lawson got upset with her brother Phil for not reaching out to Mr. Dolvin. She asked him when he might feel ready.

“I told her I am not putting a time frame on it,” he said. Their other brother didn’t respond to requests for comment.

Mr. Dolvin said he doesn’t think it is his place to contact the two brothers. He said he would let them decide “if they want to welcome me or say ‘hi’…” His voice trailed off for a moment.

“Maybe they don’t feel comfortable with it yet. It’s a lot to take in.”

Ms. Hurwitz said the news that both parents had children from extramarital affairs forced a kind of reckoning she wasn’t sure her brothers were ready to make.

“They have to reconsider completely who their parents were, the lessons they taught us, what they stood for,” she said. “Everyone deals with the emotions differently.”

She looked at her sister, who cried quietly at the table. “It is not up to me to judge the decisions Mom and Dad made,” Ms. Hurwitz said. “It was another world and another time.”

Ms. Lawson said, “I have a hard time when people say it’s the past, move on.”

Mr. Dolvin put his arm around her, comforting her. “I like that we are all together. I’m here. I’m sitting with you.”

There are many unresolved and hard-to-answer questions, such as whether their father was ever told Mr. Dolvin was his son. They don’t think their father knew. “I believe if he knew about Dana, he would have tried to reach out,” Ms. Hurwitz said.

Her father owned a popular kosher deli in a Boston neighborhood. Mr. Dolvin’s mother worked as a cosmetologist in a nearby predominantly African-American neighborhood. Both loved jazz; the siblings speculate the two might have met at one of Boston’s jazz clubs.

The sisters believe their mother knew Ms. Lawson was the product of her own affair. Ms. Lawson and her mother had a difficult relationship, and both sisters think the revelation explains why.

“Julie was a reminder of what Mom did,” Ms. Hurwitz says. “She had to deal with the consequences every day. How did she keep the secret from Dad?”

Both sisters acknowledge they also can’t be sure what either parent shared with the other.

When Ms. Lawson was 29 and Ms. Hurwitz was 16, their parents divorced—and then got remarried nine years later. They stayed together until he died in 2006. His wife died in 2016.

Ms. Lawson says she told her mother she got DNA test results back, but her mother wasn’t interested in talking about them. She died before the second sister took the test whose results revealed so much.

The sisters always return to how much their parents should have told them. Even now, hurt and tensions sometimes flare.

“I understand why you wouldn’t tell,” said Ms. Hurwitz. “The implications of revealing the secret have a domino effect on everyone else in the family.”

Her sister vehemently disagrees. “Every man has a right to know he has offspring,” said Ms. Lawson. “Every child has the right to know her origins. We missed 65 years together.”

Ms. Lawson wears a birthday present she received from Mr. Greenberg, a necklace of two open hearts connected by her birthstone. She is helping plan a party for his 90th birthday in March.

Since the sisters learned the truth, they said they are learning to live with the uncertainties. “I have my anger, my compassion, and my understanding, and I can separate all those emotions,” Ms. Lawson said.

Ms. Hurwitz leaned in closer to her sister. “Every family has secrets,” she said.

tl:dr

Papa was a rolling stone, wherever he laid his hat was his home; Mama too.
A tale of discovering sister are actually half-sisters, and other previously unknown half-siblings.

Fun family times ensue..... can't wait for the 2018 Christmas DNA family secret telling stories to come out

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We discovered through online research (without a DNA test) that Mrs. Brat - who was adopted in 1946 - has  a half sister who is 4 years younger. We had a birth cousin send her a package with copies of the adoption papers, photos, and contact info two years ago, but the lady has yet to respond. Guess the shock is a bit much for her to deal with, plus it appears the birth mom wound up as a Jehova’s Witness - and Mrs. Brat is a Roman Catholic. Must be a streak of crazy in that bloodline.

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I took the test last year. One thing that was facinating to me was how right it was. My great-grandfather came over from Greece and I have 6.3% Greek & Balkan DNA. But the results said there was only 1 of the 14 administrative districts in Greece where they could trace my DNA. I already had proof of where my great-grandfather had lived and the test matched it exactly. Pretty damn cool.

And no, I don't give a damn if "the gubmint gots muh DNA" because they'd probably fuck up whatever plans they made to do something with it. My mom passed away years ago, so I can't ask her anything. Her parents and brother are gone as well. There are no living family members on that side that I've ever met. But I've already been in communication with 2 people on the website. If I can get some information, or maybe even build a relationship with extended family, it's worth it to me.

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My wife took the test and discovered she had two half-aunts that were her mother's half-sisters. After an exchange of emails with these newly discovered relatives, my wife learned that her grandfather had a previous family before he met and married her grandmother. She hasn't told her mom yet, I am not sure if she ever will.

The "these are your relatives section" is a trip. She showed it to me before telling me the news. I remember seeing her cousin in the list and saying, "hey there's Matt, uh.. who are these women that have a higher genetic match to you than your cousin Matt?"

 

 

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Well, the best friend’s wife did 23 and me. She was adopted and sure enough, she found her birth mom online. They are meeting for the first time in two weeks. Both are shocked.


My wife is adopted as well. She’s had the 23 and me sitting on the desk for a week. I think she’s more scared of what she won’t find.
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On 12/21/2018 at 6:20 PM, Pancho Negro said:

I know the cool bro thing to do is bash the dna testing, but for some families, it can help understand some things.  I did the Ancestry DNA one, and I did it because my family is light skinned black and I wanted to know why.

 

Pancho Notso Negro

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On 2/2/2019 at 11:30 AM, F250 said:

My wife took the test and discovered she had two half-aunts that were her mother's half-sisters. After an exchange of emails with these newly discovered relatives, my wife learned that her grandfather had a previous family before he met and married her grandmother. She hasn't told her mom yet, I am not sure if she ever will.

The "these are your relatives section" is a trip. She showed it to me before telling me the news. I remember seeing her cousin in the list and saying, "hey there's Matt, uh.. who are these women that have a higher genetic match to you than your cousin Matt?"

To each their own, but I don't get the appeal of meeting a stranger just because they're an unknown relative.  

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14 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

To each their own, but I don't get the appeal of meeting a stranger just because they're an unknown relative.  

I think it's mainly people that were separated from their blood relatives that are into it. I'm sure they have a number of reasons to track down relatives they've never known. Personally, I don't get it but I know everyone in my family.

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