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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


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1 hour ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I'm sitting down in the living room shooting the shit with my 13 year old son who is in the chair next to me. My wife tells him to get up so she can sit where he is and talk to me. My son tells her that he isn't giving up his seat and says that he is just like Rosa Parks. My wife then chimes in that they arrested Rosa Parks for prostitution. My son and I both look at her like WTF? He tells her no, she got arrested for not giving up her seat on the bus to a white person. My wife then insists that the story of her not giving up her seat is accurate, but when they pulled her off of the bus they arrested her for prostitution. 

We need a new Things I Found... thread if it hasn't already been started.

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10 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry, we drove down from Round Rock to San Antonio yesterday to check into a hotel to attend the wife's cousin’s funeral in  nearby Boerne this morning.
Anyway, after a blah hotel breakfast and while getting ready to leave for said shuffleoff services, Mrs. Brat checked her phone again for the church address and she discovered that the funeral is actually scheduled for NEXT Friday!

fml

I get the feeling that your life at this juncture is one long road trip from funeral to funeral.  Wonder whose you have missed to be in boerne a week early. 

 

But you you know what they say...the early boerne gets the worm food. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto
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1 hour ago, Armybrat said:

Don’t know whether to laugh or cry, we drove down from Round Rock to San Antonio yesterday to check into a hotel to attend the wife's cousin’s funeral in  nearby Boerne this morning.
Anyway, after a blah hotel breakfast and while getting ready to leave for said shuffleoff services, Mrs. Brat checked her phone again for the church address and she discovered that the funeral is actually scheduled for NEXT Friday!

fml

Might as well head on over to the Dodging Duck for a few beers before you leave.

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Don’t know whether to laugh or cry, we drove down from Round Rock to San Antonio yesterday to check into a hotel to attend the wife's cousin’s funeral in  nearby Boerne this morning.
Anyway, after a blah hotel breakfast and while getting ready to leave for said shuffleoff services, Mrs. Brat checked her phone again for the church address and she discovered that the funeral is actually scheduled for NEXT Friday!
fml


That body gone be ripe
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12 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I'm officially eligible to contribute to this thread now as of 5:30 yesterday evening.

Other than her and her ride or die gals getting blitzed at the reception and doing normal drunk things there's nothing to report as of yet.

 

image.jpg

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Do you realize that its possible to plug any USB cord into the power bank?

Late getting back to this...but that’s not the case on this one. It’s all pretty, and the outgoing cord is attached. There is no USB slot. Just the small charging slot, and the built-in outgoing charger. It’s a stupid - but pretty! - design.
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“Why do we have a data cap on our cell plan. Isn’t there like unlimited amounts of data in the world.”
 
i almost wanted to pull that Chinese bus driver move off the Mansfield dam bridge but had the kids in the car. 
There's a commercial I actually like where dude1 says, "No job, no family, just walk away. That's my number one fantasy." Dude2, "Number one fantasy pick."

This made me think of that, so thanks.
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1 hour ago, DaysOff said:

There's a commercial I actually like where dude1 says, "No job, no family, just walk away. That's my number one fantasy." Dude2, "Number one fantasy pick."

This made me think of that, so thanks.

My wife does not appreciate it when I laugh out loud at that commercial.  

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There's a commercial I actually like where dude1 says, "No job, no family, just walk away. That's my number one fantasy." Dude2, "Number one fantasy pick."

This made me think of that, so thanks.
that's a dark commercial, with the existential question deliberately engineered by he creators. I wonder how many guys saw that and just mentally snapped?
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5 hours ago, Anastasis said:

“Why do we have a data cap on our cell plan. Isn’t there like unlimited amounts of data in the world.”

 

i almost wanted to pull that Chinese bus driver move off the Mansfield dam bridge but had the kids in the car. 

wait, are you talking about a hard cap on a data bucket (10 GB of data to share!) or are you talking about the soft cap on an unlimited plan (27 GB at LTE then we may throttle if there's congestion)?  because if the former, that's on you.  no excuse not to be on unlimited these days.

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2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

So Mitch, about those emails is he the asshole or is she?

At this point, they have both become so toxic to each other that they must share blame. There is so much anger and resentment built up on both sides that they fight all the time and act terribly towards each other. But she is the root cause of it all, unequivocally. She has virtually no redeeming qualities whatsoever and he's been putting up with her ridiculous bullshit for years. His biggest fault is that he's let her drive him crazy. He should have left her years ago. The whole time he was MIA, I was thinking, "Holy shit, you magnificent bastard. You finally had the balls to get the fuck out and leave." I was so happy for him.

The big email fight is about her not wanting to go visit his parents for Thanksgiving. And oh yeah, his father is supposedly dying of cancer and doesn't have much longer to live. There's more to it than that but suffice it to say that she is an awful human being.

And she will never stay at my house under any circumstances for anything longer than one night in a pinch. If her options are sleeping under the interstate bridge or my couch, I hope she learns to block out the traffic noise.

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Back in the day, she was by any objective measure, a very pretty girl. Nowadays she's carrying a lot of bad weight and looks very unhealthy. Maybe a 4? Or on the rare occasion that she cleans herself up, a 5? She's so unattractive to me as a human being that it skews my rating. I wouldn't fuck her with Vic Mackey's dick.

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50 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

At this point, they have both become so toxic to each other that they must share blame. There is so much anger and resentment built up on both sides that they fight all the time and act terribly towards each other. But she is the root cause of it all, unequivocally. She has virtually no redeeming qualities whatsoever and he's been putting up with her ridiculous bullshit for years. His biggest fault is that he's let her drive him crazy. He should have left her years ago. The whole time he was MIA, I was thinking, "Holy shit, you magnificent bastard. You finally had the balls to get the fuck out and leave." I was so happy for him.

The big email fight is about her not wanting to go visit his parents for Thanksgiving. And oh yeah, his father is supposedly dying of cancer and doesn't have much longer to live. There's more to it than that but suffice it to say that she is an awful human being.

And she will never stay at my house under any circumstances for anything longer than one night in a pinch. If her options are sleeping under the interstate bridge or my couch, I hope she learns to block out the traffic noise.

You heartless bastard.  She’s family.  You have a moral obligation to help.  Here:

810ds6HkVRL._SX425_PIbundle-2,TopRight,0

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On 11/2/2018 at 10:55 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

I'm sitting down in the living room shooting the shit with my 13 year old son who is in the chair next to me. My wife tells him to get up so she can sit where he is and talk to me. My son tells her that he isn't giving up his seat and says that he is just like Rosa Parks. My wife then chimes in that they arrested Rosa Parks for prostitution. My son and I both look at her like WTF? He tells her no, she got arrested for not giving up her seat on the bus to a white person. My wife then insists that the story of her not giving up her seat is accurate, but when they pulled her off of the bus they arrested her for prostitution. 

Oh turning Trixie!

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4 hours ago, Modessit said:

Pissing off your husband while he's in the land of cheap hookers. Great idea.

See, Walter Cronkite and his wife had a good arrangement - when he was traveling he could fuck whoever he wanted just as long as news of it never made it back to his wife.  If his biography is accurate, then he had a great thing going.

if he were alive in 2018, he'd have been #metoo'd.

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1 hour ago, BearSchlong said:

See, Walter Cronkite and his wife had a good arrangement - when he was traveling he could fuck whoever he wanted just as long as news of it never made it back to his wife.  If his biography is accurate, then he had a great thing going.

if he were alive in 2018, he'd have been #metoo'd.

I have that same deal in place, my wife just doesn't know about it.

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On 11/5/2018 at 11:30 AM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

She thinks he flew home and then decided to go off the grid. Like he just couldn't take her and the fighting anymore and said fuck it, I'm out.

Or perhaps he got kidnapped or abducted overseas?

I'm guessing that either one of those scenarios would have been acceptable to Typhoon Mary's husband?

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On 11/5/2018 at 3:53 PM, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Back in the day, she was by any objective measure, a very pretty girl. Nowadays she's carrying a lot of bad weight and looks very unhealthy. Maybe a 4? Or on the rare occasion that she cleans herself up, a 5? She's so unattractive to me as a human being that it skews my rating. I wouldn't fuck her with Vic Mackey's dick.

But Vic would though, right?

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29 minutes ago, WashHorn said:

Wife dropped her phone yesterday and cracked the screen. Today she got the screen replaced and, to show me that the replacement worked, she sent a screenshot. 

She immediately realized her mistake, but still. Goddamn.

Yeah, a screenshot won't work for that, you have to actually take a picture of the screen with the phone.

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47 minutes ago, HoustonHorn said:
1 hour ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:
Yeah, a screenshot won't work for that, you have to actually take a picture of the screen with the phone.

You seem like a wife

He seems like the antithetical object of his handle  

Edited by Trey3216
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