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Beefcake Cawthorn is a proselytizing jackass who needs his own thread


TheStoicPaisano

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Madison, "I mean the guy is over there just blasting mini rails off his fob like a madman.  I see him tapping his baggie for more, and it was a lot for a Wednesday...not sure if re-upped a tweener on Monday or that's leftover from a ball on Friday.  Anyway, then he does a gummy and comes over to offer me a keybump."

(journalist's jaw drops, dead silence)

Madison, "But again, not my scene.  I don't know anything about that stuff.  That's why I was so shocked."  

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54 minutes ago, Lobo said:

Madison, "I mean the guy is over there just blasting mini rails off his fob like a madman.  I see him tapping his baggie for more, and it was a lot for a Wednesday...not sure if re-upped a tweener on Monday or that's leftover from a ball on Friday.  Anyway, then he does a gummy and comes over to offer me a keybump."

(journalist's jaw drops, dead silence)

Madison, "But again, not my scene.  I don't know anything about that stuff.  That's why I was so shocked."  

"the guy" in this story? Don Jr. 

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3 minutes ago, Horn Under a Bad Sign said:

I watched The Wire. I'm pretty conversant with drug lingo.  I had no idea what a key bump is and I doubt many of you have ever heard that phrase.

TLDR:  Madison is doing coke. 

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

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1 minute ago, Lobo said:

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

pfffft. there are way more than two methods. lulz. two. hahahahaha
girl-takes-a-dose-of-cocaine-from-the-pa

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LOL, ladle bumps.  Or for our orthodox coke fiends, dreidel bumps.  Spin it as hard as Madison in a parking garage, and see if you can finish a half gram before it lands.  Admittedly, the game had sent a lot of folks to Cedars-Sinai 

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19 dudes way too old to be at the club creepily hovering over 5 women…and everybody wondering who still has more blow?  Yep, I think we totally partied together years Ago in real life.  

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2 minutes ago, longhornmatt said:

Wait, did he say it was false/lies or just “exaggerated”?  And what would exaggerated even be in this context?  

“I exaggerated when I said 60 year old members of Congress did key bumps of cocaine and invited me to orgies.  In reality, it was 50 year old members of Congress taking Xanax and inviting me to threesomes and/or one-on-one glory holes - which, as an aside, are much easier to maneuver from the handicapped restroom stall.” 

Seriously this.  If it were actually false, why wouldn't they just say that?  These people are depraved.

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20 minutes ago, longhornmatt said:

Wait, did he say it was false/lies or just “exaggerated”?  And what would exaggerated even be in this context?  

“I exaggerated when I said 60 year old members of Congress did key bumps of cocaine and invited me to orgies.  In reality, it was 50 year old members of Congress taking Xanax and inviting me to threesomes and/or one-on-one glory holes - which, as an aside, are much easier to maneuver from the handicapped restroom stall.” 

I think they can stick with "exaggerated."  For example here's an extremely likely conversation with a fellow member involving drug use and sexual perversion that would have happened with old Blake:

"Wait, having to show up and actually do your job on the floor of the House gives you a headache?  Why don't you take an advil and go fuck yourself?"

 

See, old Blake was telling the truth, just somewhat exaggerated.

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On 3/28/2022 at 6:18 PM, longhornmatt said:

Let me translate this for homeschooled readers:

“It's the work of the devil, ain’t it.

Hmmm, *home schooling and Mr. Cawthorn and Mr. Kirk are such super good examples of what happens when the people who inherit stuff are given that stuff without being touched by the Spirit. They are not the noble good fancy French guy; but rather the bad fancy English guys that have their badness all up in their ugly faces, their words, and the stuff they do. However, it does not do to not think none no more of them. They have the most stupidityest, but it is like a strong stupidity and people like it because at least it ain’t all uppity.”

Reads like the transcript of a Trump speech

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4 hours ago, Lobo said:

I watched the wire but I also lived in Northern California and Austin in my 20’s.  Was never a big drug guy, but you hear/see enough lingo being around those people while drinking.  

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  Since Madison’s hands are usually busy wheeling himself or signing pro-hate legislation, the key bump is the natural choice.  Somebody can just hold it at nose level for him and he can hit it while multi-tasking.  

Don't forget the long pinky nail

Growth takes time unless you're my nails.

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12 hours ago, Lobo said:

despite Tuco doing his bumps off a Bowie knife.  two ways to do a bump of coke.  Off the long end of a key, or sprinkle some out into the web of your hand.  

If you're going to snort off your hand, go old school and use your anatomical snuff box like our ancestors  did. 

It's a triangular shaped trough formed by 3 tendons running from the forearm to the thumb.

https://teachmeanatomy.info/upper-limb/areas/anatomical-snuffbox/

image.thumb.png.e054267937fddebde779e7d20706ceac.png

image.thumb.png.191aaec43976d2a85f55a1606c8917f2.png

 

To form the depression, do an aggy thumb's up, but pull the thumb as far backwards towards your forearm as your thumb muscles will let you. Adjust and fine tune thumb position until you get the biggest trough. 

Achievement Unlocked. 

 

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It’s really telling that members of the GOP can go to neo-Nazi rallies, blame everything on Jews and secret pedophiles, ask Vladimir Putin to help sink political opponents, suggest political rivals be killed, and attempt a whole-ass coup.

But if you suggest some other Republicans like to bone and get high, well that’s just beyond all bounds of decency. 

Edited by 956 Worldwide
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Dibs on "Anatomical Snuff Box" for band name.

And to 956's point, this is another point of being beyond the pale.  Given everything we've seen/heard/read this week...that there might be drugs in D.C.?  Nope, no fucking way.  I wish it was just hookers and blow.  At least those are normal human vices. 

I get to "phone-a-friend" to Putin.  I'm gonna ask him "Which of these can you do right now on the global stage to assuage human suffering:  Is it A: Stop shelling civilian targets?  Is it B:  Call for a ceasefire in Ukraine while you negotiate for territory?  Is it C : Allow for safe passage of humanitarian aid and sick children to be evacuated?  Or is it D : Dig up dirt on Joe Biden?  10 seconds..." 

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15 hours ago, Gil Bang said:

"I got invited to an orgy" really means "a geriatric gay-hating republican official asked me if I'd like to jack off in the same room with him:. 

It is much easier to just type Lindsey Graham. Although he could have been talking about Matt Gaetz

 

6 hours ago, Pods said:

If you're going to snort off your hand, go old school and use your anatomical snuff box like our ancestors  did. 

It's a triangular shaped trough formed by 3 tendons running from the forearm to the thumb.

https://teachmeanatomy.info/upper-limb/areas/anatomical-snuffbox/

image.thumb.png.e054267937fddebde779e7d20706ceac.png

image.thumb.png.191aaec43976d2a85f55a1606c8917f2.png

 

To form the depression, do an aggy thumb's up, but pull the thumb as far backwards towards your forearm as your thumb muscles will let you. Adjust and fine tune thumb position until you get the biggest trough. 

Achievement Unlocked. 

 

I'd rather go for the anatomical squeeze box. Or maybe the JT method.

Edited by TexasEd
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4 hours ago, Lobo said:

Dibs on "Anatomical Snuff Box" for band name.

And to 956's point, this is another point of being beyond the pale.  Given everything we've seen/heard/read this week...that there might be drugs in D.C.?  Nope, no fucking way.  I wish it was just hookers and blow.  At least those are normal human vices. 

I get to "phone-a-friend" to Putin.  I'm gonna ask him "Which of these can you do right now on the global stage to assuage human suffering:  Is it A: Stop shelling civilian targets?  Is it B:  Call for a ceasefire in Ukraine while you negotiate for territory?  Is it C : Allow for safe passage of humanitarian aid and sick children to be evacuated?  Or is it D : Dig up dirt on Joe Biden?  10 seconds..." 

Too long for a band name. Would be a sweet album title though.

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1 hour ago, TexasEd said:

I'd rather go for the anatomical squeeze box. Or maybe the JT method.

Yeah, I'm pretty sure the "key" in madison's key bump escapades is the tip of Trump's johnson. And the line of GQP junkies stretches around the block. 

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23 hours ago, jimmyjazz said:

I've done a fair amount of time in bars, and i definitely know what a bump is.  Here's some old footage of me & my buds showing just how it's done:

 

Strangely hypnotic. Cutting loose at the South Dakota Competitive Rope-Pull Non-Juniors Division Dance. I enjoyed Nick Saban's scampishly homoerotic antics at 1:47. Would watch again.

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