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Purity Balls ….


tx 3 putt

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Budget subcommittee, “We will have to cut back on flowers, linens, and appetizers for the expenses have drained the funds of the Purity Balls dry.”

you liberal sinners can beat the Purity Balls all you want.  And they may get sore afterwards, but they’ll descend back to Earth and finish their work.  The Purity Balls always come again.  And you know their climax upon your forehead as you are marked for either salvation or damnation 

Edited by YGIFS
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8 minutes ago, F250 said:

His son is his porn accountability partner?

Reaction GIF by MOODMAN

Yep, which means his son gets a full report of what he does on his phone, that he uses for government business, whose data is being scanned by a third-party company to ensure that he's not looking at porn.

So a bit traitorish as well.

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9 minutes ago, ChuckNorrisActionJeans said:

Always thought there should be mother/son equivalents ... call them Blue Balls.

I think there’d be more of them if the moms didn’t keep getting stuck in the dryer or under the coffee table before the first dance.  

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1 hour ago, Brian Fantana said:

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

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9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

Go to a big evangelical church and it is not completely alien to them.  You might hear about it during the announcements and before the pastor rails on elected officials... non-politically, of course.  

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9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

I know not all Christians are like this, not even close, but it's so bizarre to me.

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11 hours ago, YGIFS said:

Wait, I get the spirit of the whole thing.  But with a straight face and power of Christ, somebody sat down to write the copy for the invitations and consciously skipped over:

Purity Galas

Purity Dances

Purity Fetes

Purity Pageants 

Purity Jubilees

and went with “Purity Balls”?  I know most of them were home-schooled, but somebody on that planning committee had to have attended Junior High.  

 

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46 minutes ago, texasdago said:

Go to a big evangelical church

No thank you. But if I did and I was with my family, pretty sure my boys would be laughing their ass off at the wording of purity "balls" and one of them would ask if there was a such thing as a "purity farts". 

 

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9 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. It's absolutely part of the christian evangelical mainstream, despite your wishes that it weren't. 

14 minutes ago, Brian Fantana said:

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

I know not all Christians are like this, not even close, but it's so bizarre to me.

It's not a majority of christians, but it's a major plurality of them and theyve got the proverbial microphone 

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14 minutes ago, Brian Fantana said:

It's getting play because it's the fucking speaker of the house lmao

 

Clearly one of the more pressing issues we face in the world today is the decade old abstinence promotion activities engaged in by the current SOTH with his adolescent children. 

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2 minutes ago, Captainant said:

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. It's absolutely part of the christian evangelical mainstream, despite your wishes that it weren't. 

 

Yeah, I understand the messaging on abstinence. I don't have a problem with parents who choose to take that route. Signing abstinence commitments seems, well, masturbatory. Celebrating such commitments in a gala format?  Well I am not even sure how to describe that one.  

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1 minute ago, Anastasis said:

Yeah, I understand the messaging on abstinence. I don't have a problem with parents who choose to take that route. Signing abstinence commitments seems, well, masturbatory. Celebrating such commitments in a gala format?  Well I am not even sure how to describe that one.  

I think it's more the southern impulse to put on a big ball to make a to-do about a thing they care about. Debutante balls are weird as fuck, but they're still going strong. Cross that culture of weird big gala events with being BIG MAD at the thought of their daughters being sexual, and bingo bango you've got purity balls. 

You describe it as fucking insane, and as a predominant sect of christianity. 

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2 minutes ago, Anastasis said:

 

fify?

How about "the white fundagelical sect of protestant christianity that controls multiple state governments, the House, and the SCOTUS?"  I think that both refines the accuracy and explains the relevance.  This isn't some wackadoo cult living in the backwoods of Appalachia.....it's a cult that currently controls the government of this state and several other important states, controls the man third in line for the presidency, and has outsized influence in the House overall as well as the highest court in the land.  So....yeah, their wackadoo beliefs are, unfortunately, relevant.

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19 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

what is the failure rate of these pledges? 100%?

I mean....everyone with a lick of sense knows that some of the best sex of your young life happens with the "I'm not that kind of girl" types of girls at church camp.

Shit, I went to Catholic schools from 1st grade through Sr. year of high school.  In 8th grade, our school was considering implementing a basic sex education component to the curriculum.  Of course, the most puritanical parents opposed it.  One in particular, who was prone to over-the-top religious bullshit, so much that her nickname was "Pope."  At the school board meeting to discuss implementing it, I was there to speak in support.  My mother was with me.  "Pope" was up there ranting about how our young children are too innocent to hear such filth, and be exposed to such nastiness.  At that point, I leaned over to my mom and said "so....when I get up, should I mentioned that we all saw her daughter Jane getting fingered by my buddy Steve in the back of the bus on the way back from the basketball game last week?"  

Mom said no, I shouldn't mention that.  So I didn't.

Edited by Brisketexan
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10 hours ago, Anastasis said:

It’s something most Christians have never heard of before but is getting some play in the media because politics does politics and our media is garbage. 

And we get a thread about it here cause Twitter. Hope that sums it up. 

It's pretty normal in evangelical communities. Pretending otherwise doesn't help anything.

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Just now, tx 3 putt said:

Does a purity pledge give a thumbs up or down to sex with church officials ?

Those daughters should consider it a blessing to have their deacon's saggy purity balls dragged across their face. It's God's will. 

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11 hours ago, YGIFS said:

I think there’d be more of them if the moms didn’t keep getting stuck in the dryer or under the coffee table before the first dance.  

Ah, yes, the 2020's version of "I'm here to fix the cable" pron

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30 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

I mean....everyone with a lick of sense knows that some of the best sex of your young life happens with the "I'm not that kind of girl" types of girls at church camp.

Shit, I went to Catholic schools from 1st grade through Sr. year of high school.  In 8th grade, our school was considering implementing a basic sex education component to the curriculum.  Of course, the most puritanical parents opposed it.  One in particular, who was prone to over-the-top religious bullshit, so much that her nickname was "Pope."  At the school board meeting to discuss implementing it, I was there to speak in support.  My mother was with me.  "Pope" was up there ranting about how our young children are too innocent to hear such filth, and be exposed to such nastiness.  At that point, I leaned over to my mom and said "so....when I get up, should I mentioned that we all saw her daughter Jane getting fingered by my buddy Steve in the back of the bus on the way back from the basketball game last week?"  

Mom said no, I shouldn't mention that.  So I didn't.

Should have brought up that Mary was probably around 14-15 when God impregnated her.

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50 minutes ago, Nice Guy Eddie said:

what is the failure rate of these pledges? 100%?

Yeah I just don't get it.  What world did these parents grow up in where they think something like this will actually work?  Or not realize that this will cause the actual opposite effect and encourage their kids to get it on?

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55 minutes ago, Brisketexan said:

How about "the white fundagelical sect of protestant christianity that controls multiple state governments, the House, and the SCOTUS?"

I told yall motherfuckers "moar lions" a long time ago. 

And ftr, SCOTUS is at least nominally vast majority catholic. I guess you got an anglican in there. The only real protestant is black. One jew at the moment. Wasn't there a discussion here in the past about the relationship between justices and faith traditions that have a strong canonical law history.  

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12 hours ago, Brian Fantana said:

I....what

Can one of you weirdo Christians please explain this to me

Only daddy is allowed to pop her cherry… clear enough for you? 
 

In the name of Christianity, of course. 

Edited by Underdog
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Some of whiners are acting like we are picking on some backwoods hick Christians who don’t know any better to anecdotally pick a political fight.  This is the head of one our three branches of government.  Not some guy passing out brochures at an Amtrak station.  
there is being a man of faith and then there’s being an abject creepy asshat 

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7 minutes ago, 'stache said:

I see we're back to "the predominant form of Christianity practiced by people in power who are using their beliefs to run all of our lives" isn't the real form of Christianity so we shouldn't be so judgy. Sorry, but your little Sunday clubs finally ran amok, and I'm gonna be judgy as shit. It's becoming like the republican party at this point. Sure some of you don't worship the racist fascist fuck face but those in power do so I'm gonna judge the shit out of anyone who votes R at this point. If we want to Make America Great again, how about we treat religion the way the founding fathers did and how it was generally viewed in this country before that shit head Reagan embraced the "Moral Majority" and started manipulating the masses to do their bidding in the name of religion? Yeah, I'm gonna keep judging until you all get your fucking house in order and get that shit out of politics and stop trying to run a fucking theocracy. Worship however the fuck you want in your own lives. Let your kids get blowjobs and anal at Falls Creek. I really don't give a shit until they started using that shit to run our fucking lives and demonize anyone who isn't a rich WASP. Fuck it all.

hallelujah-holy-shit.gif

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15 minutes ago, Gap03 said:

hallelujah-holy-shit.gif

Haha, kinda, but not as funny, because I'm genuinely pissed off at today's predominant (or most visible if some of you prefer) form of Christianity. Just blows my mind how awful people are in the name of a religion that is supposed to make them good. I just don't get it.

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1 hour ago, Captainant said:

Lolwut my megachurch in San Antonio took people to purity events - they weren't balls, but they handed out promise rings and had everyone sign a thing saying they wouldn't have sex until married. 

Putting that kind of weight on an adolescent’s signature not to have sex is folly. The penis stronger than the word.

 

 

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