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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28696

Posted
Posted
21 minutes ago, tejas60 said:

I once replied to an email from my soon to be ex with "What I get from that video is that Dale Hanson is getting soft. Fuck you cunt."

she forwarded it to everyone in my family she had an email address for. they all congratulated me for telling the truth.

Who is Dale Hanson and why does your whole family think he's getting soft?

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20832

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Haven’t been in here since I got married. I don’t think this quite fits here, but not sure where else and figured it works. Wife’s new hobby is cake decorating. This is for no reason whatsoever (Harry Potter season starts on July 31), we’re going to eat a slice each and then pawn it off on her coworkers.54a2ea42eeeb1a99d5fbb1c5e115fa83.jpg

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28696

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32 minutes ago, Celery Man said:

Haven’t been in here since I got married. I don’t think this quite fits here, but not sure where else and figured it works. Wife’s new hobby is cake decorating. This is for no reason whatsoever (Harry Potter season starts on July 31), we’re going to eat a slice each and then pawn it off on her coworkers.54a2ea42eeeb1a99d5fbb1c5e115fa83.jpg

That could probably turn into a lucrative business. 

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18644

Posted
Posted
10 hours ago, Beau Vine said:

Socrates, IIRC.

 

9 hours ago, BurntEyes said:

It was actually Archimedes who was really a math major and not a Philosophy guy. 

 

9 hours ago, tbone_ said:

I though the Hound said that.

 

7 hours ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I thought it was Euripides Cunt.

 

disclaimer- he was referring to a guy but the point still stands

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Celery Man

Celery Man 20832

Posted
Posted
2 hours ago, LebongJames said:

That’s pretty impressive. Did she at least tell you to fuck off for something while she made it?

No but we started to get sugar ants near the sink (where her piping bags and other cake tools go in the rack after she "washes" them) and she's gotten annoyed that I keep clearing it all out in the dishwasher to get properly washed (and keep the area clear of sugar).  And she wouldn't tell me why she wanted 3 pounds of powdered sugar a couple of weeks back when she started on this thing.  And I'm just now realizing that the tootsie rolls she bought are the wand.

 

1 hour ago, WhatTheBuck said:

That could probably turn into a lucrative business. 

yeah, I've tried pushing her into doing some sort of etsy business or something with any of her various artsy/craftsy things (she made my sister a matryoshka doll of her family for our first Christmas), I think this one might take.

14 minutes ago, chikin23 said:
2 hours ago, Celery Man said:
I’m told it lasts from Harry Potter’s birthday until the end of the school year

The school year as in May of 2020?

the books all start with his birthday and end when school is out (mostly).

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Sam Lin

Sam Lin 3539

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, shakahorn said:


Yeah probably couldn’t cost more than about $100 a cake to make.

/tangent

Easily charge a couple hundred up into thousands for a well decorated cake, there's plenty of profit in that market. Be aware you can and will suffer legal repercussions if you use trademarks or images without proper licensing from the rights holder. There are many cases of people making cakes with various cartoon characters and losing lawsuits.

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Zwylde

Zwylde 810

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Posted
On 4/30/2019 at 12:52 PM, Mach 1 said:

As promised, a follow up to "mobile cup cover for music festivals."

So this weekend my wife is on the phone with her business partner, while the rest of the family is putzing around the house.  I'm not really paying attention until I hear " ... like a prophylactic."   So my ears perk up a bit and I hear "mumble, mumble ... Shark Tank ..."   Now she has my full attention and I zero in on the conversation like the Bionic Woman and - I shit you not - she says "Do we know anyone with contacts to Mark Cuban?"

Phone conversation ends and ours begins:

Me:   What was that about?

Wife:  The idea you think will never happen. 

Me:  That's not fair, I think it's a great idea (trying to suppress uncontrollable laughter).

Wife:  Well good, because Shelly (her business partner) is already in contact with an industrial designer in San Francisco.  She's going to look over my sketch and come up with some ideas, maybe even do a 3D printing.

Me:  Sketch?

Wife:   Yeah, I drew something up, want to see it?  (Opens notebook)

250px-Crichton_Leprechaun_Amateur_Sketch

Me:  Wow, interesting.  So who's going to buy this thing again?

Wife:  To start, concerned parents.  You may not remember this because you weren't really listening the first time we discussed this, but it's to prevent some asshole from putting roofies into the drinks of unsuspecting girls' drinks at these music festivals.  Here look (shows me Youtube video of some asshole putting something into the drink of an unsuspecting girl at a music festival).

Me:  But won't the kids just toss them when their parents give it to them?  If it comes from the parents they won't use it.

Wife:  Well then we'll sell them to the music festivals.  And bars too.  Ever heard of liability?

*Previously I wrote a fictitious rant from wife about putting logos on these things, and their environmental friendliness.  Well, I fucking know my wife like the back of my hand and right here she launches into EXACTLY THAT, except the logos are now "branding opportunities" and the cover won''t be plastic, like those dumb lids.*

Wife:  Think of it like a stack of band aids.  You just peel it off and put it over the cup.  Then just toss it when you're done.

Me:  Nodding my head, give her a thumbs up.

Wife:  Fuck you.  You just watch, this is going to be big.

 

Skip to yesterday, the Amazon lids show up.  I considered going the "prototype" route.  I have a garage workshop that might as well be Area 51 to my wife, but she's too smart to fall for the whole "look what I made for you" deal.  So I just left it on the kitchen counter and held my breath.

47689734972_879eac984e_z.jpg

 

She walked in, took a look at it, kind of stunned.  After a few seconds she looked back to me and said "That isn't disposable."   I said nothing.  You could see all sorts of thoughts were running through her brain and she said "Wait, did you get that for me?"

Me:  Yep , found it on Amazon.

Wife: Oh honey, thank you! (gives me a kiss)

Me: (shocked, not expecting this response). Of course!

Wife:  See?  It's a real product that works! (she takes a picture and sends it to her business partner).  But ours will be different.  Cheaper. More effective.  I'm telling you it's going to be big.

 

So with that, I leave you until my wife appears on Shark Tank.  Thank you NW Buck for the link.

https://twitter.com/Pandamoanimum/status/1127182043635421186?s=20

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AUS-97HORN

AUS-97HORN 11644

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, luke duke said:


5f1254882c9ce82e2c89b250048ee736.gif

She’s going to start making cakes for the entire neighborhood and not even recoup the cost of the ingredients.

I would say theres about a 99.999% (repeating of course) chance  that she ends up posting on reddit r/choosing beggars.

Rando soccer mom: OH that cake is so nice, make one for my child

(Wife of WTB): OK, but it costs about $125 in materials, so how about $250?

Rando soccer mom: um we are friends, you should do that for free.

Hilarity ensues

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WhatTheBuck

WhatTheBuck 28696

Posted
Posted
50 minutes ago, luke duke said:

She’s going to start making cakes for the entire neighborhood and not even recoup the cost of the ingredients.

Maybe. But she has obvious skill. My mom could bake like hell and was great at cake decorating. She made some money on the side making wedding cakes for a little while. But she couldn't have pulled off something like that. Somebody who can do that has a marketable skill and could probably make good money off of it if they were serious about it. That was damn impressive. 

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

Posted
Posted

Knowing what media to use for the various elements, the eye/hand coordination to do the technical aspects... very important knowledge and skills. Creativity though is what separates the average cake decorator from the great ones.

I was married to an average one. Nice work but nothing original, all out of books, magazines, whatever. If it wasn't for the huge ta-ta's she had....

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mulletpelini

mulletpelini 5209

Posted
Posted
16 hours ago, Sam Lin said:

/tangent

Easily charge a couple hundred up into thousands for a well decorated cake, there's plenty of profit in that market. Be aware you can and will suffer legal repercussions if you use trademarks or images without proper licensing from the rights holder. There are many cases of people making cakes with various cartoon characters and losing lawsuits.

also stay away from brides to be.  Cake is impressive.  I see no reason to charge any less than $500 for that type of work.  Quite honestly I've never seen a cake that nice before.

 

 

But then I'm a man and don't really look at cakes.

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Mitch Cumsteen

Mitch Cumsteen 18502

Posted
Posted
20 hours ago, Celery Man said:

Haven’t been in here since I got married. I don’t think this quite fits here, but not sure where else and figured it works. Wife’s new hobby is cake decorating. This is for no reason whatsoever (Harry Potter season starts on July 31), we’re going to eat a slice each and then pawn it off on her coworkers.54a2ea42eeeb1a99d5fbb1c5e115fa83.jpg

Has she ever done any crab work before? I might be interested in commissioning something.

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Dennis Taylor

Dennis Taylor 18644

Posted
Posted

Our house needs 3 different sizes of air filters. Wife comes home with a 2 pack of 2 sizes and only 1 of the other size. 

Her - " they didn't have a 2 pack of that size so I only got one"

Me- " Was that the last one they had?" 

Her- (puzzled look)

Me- " you could have just bought 2 of the singles"

Her- tone

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txhorns

txhorns 2405

Posted
Posted
7 minutes ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Our house needs 3 different sizes of air filters. Wife comes home with a 2 pack of 2 sizes and only 1 of the other size. 

Her - " they didn't have a 2 pack of that size so I only got one"

Me- " Was that the last one they had?" 

Her- (puzzled look)

Me- " you could have just bought 2 of the singles"

Her- tone

I'm just impressed she got the sizes right in the first place.

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ShaggyBevo RIP

ShaggyBevo RIP 3867

Posted
Posted
7 hours ago, Dennis Taylor said:

Our house needs 3 different sizes of air filters. Wife comes home with a 2 pack of 2 sizes and only 1 of the other size. 

Her - " they didn't have a 2 pack of that size so I only got one"

Me- " Was that the last one they had?" 

Her- (puzzled look)

Me- " you could have just bought 2 of the singles"

Her- tone

This ain't the humble brag thread, buddy.

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MissingInAction

MissingInAction 24746

Posted
Posted (edited)

Im not married or have a gf bit i do work with a lot of dumb shit females so its time for me to contribute.

For example;

Server goes down and we send a notice out explaining no ETR, and to please be patient.

DSF calls me:  when can I access the server again?

Me: we sent a notice out, maybe you didnt get it. Ill send it again.

DSF: i just need to know when it works again.

Me: as stated in the email we dont know yet.

DSF: thats not what im asking. whe..

Me: "click"

Edited by MissingInAction
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lateshow

lateshow 1303

Posted
Posted
14 hours ago, T’Boo Ted Marshall said:

I’m impressed she even got filters.
Mine would come home with a Costco pack of coffee filters.

No shit. I don't think my wife even knows that we have air filters, much less that they need to be changed. 

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tbone_

tbone_ 14016

Posted
Posted
Im not married or have a gf bit i do work with a lot of dumb shit females so its time for me to contribute.
For example;
Server goes down and we send a notice out explaining no ETR, and to please be patient.
DSF calls me:  when can I access the server again?
Me: we sent a notice out, maybe you didnt get it. Ill send it again.
DSF: i just need to know when it works again.
Me: as stated in the email we dont know yet.
DSF: thats not what im asking. whe..
Me: "click"

Could explain why no wife or gf. Not that there is anything wrong with that.
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thunderlounge

thunderlounge 7701

Posted
Posted
1 hour ago, MissingInAction said:

Im not married or have a gf bit i do work with a lot of dumb shit females so its time for me to contribute.

For example;

Server goes down and we send a notice out explaining no ETR, and to please be patient.

DSF calls me:  when can I access the server again?

Me: we sent a notice out, maybe you didnt get it. Ill send it again.

DSF: i just need to know when it works again.

Me: as stated in the email we dont know yet.

DSF: thats not what im asking. whe..

Me: "click"

 

Shit, that’s every “exec” at my office, and none are women. 

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