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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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On 10/28/2020 at 2:58 PM, BHMCruiser said:

I just went and reread it. 

 

I am flabbergasted that anybody told this story to any other person

I think we need to check on him. That reads like the wife trying to sound normal while he’s locked in a dungeon. Not unlike an alien trying to sound human post body-snatching.

There could be real trouble here.

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3 hours ago, VolenteHawk said:

I think we need to check on him. That reads like the wife trying to sound normal while he’s locked in a dungeon. Not unlike an alien trying to sound human post body-snatching.

There could be real trouble here.

I agree with you. That's why I started by asking if he was having a stroke. There's no way a reasonable, healthy man would have told that story to any other person. 

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4 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

Did I ever tell you about the time my wife ordered unsweet tea and they gave her sweet? You should have seen the look on her face when she took a sip of it. That was some shit. Then she went out and spent a bunch of money on a bunch of tacky, useless bullshit. 

Did you know it was sweet tea and just waited for the hilarity to ensue?

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4 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I agree with you. That's why I started by asking if he was having a stroke. There's no way a reasonable, healthy man would have told that story to any other person. 

Grendel says, "hold my golf clubs and three named bicycles."  Oh wait...reasonable man.  Never mind. 

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On 10/27/2020 at 4:23 PM, ROFL BOX said:

My wife is the middle of 3 girls.  She has "everyone is out to get me / the universe is conspiring against me" disease.  Everything is "Well, how does this benefit or adversely affect me?" in her mind whenever something happens.

Textbook middle child syndrome...my 33yo sister (you don't want pics) is the exact same way, and it's fucking infuriating.

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About 20 minutes ago I hear the Mrs. downstairs vacuuming, or I should say trying to vacuum, followed by a bunch of curses.  I go downstairs and this conversation:

Me:  "What's wrong?"

Her:  "We need a new vacuum cleaner, this one is broken" (1 year old Dyson).

Me:  (Taking vacuum out to garage.  Two minutes later I pull an ink pen and a bunch of packed dust & hair out of the attachment).  "The attachment was clogged with a pen, did you look at that?"

Her:  "Oh, how did that get in there?"

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So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

Edited by Enchubben
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1 hour ago, Enchubben said:

So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

Good Luck!!!  You'll see the plumber again in about 2.7 weeks  

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1 minute ago, Trey3216 said:

Good Luck!!!  You'll see the plumber again in about 2.7 weeks  

Right?!? What's absurd is that her sister and mother both agreed that this is crazy and we should just replace the toilets. You literally cannot find a website, agency, business, or tampon manufacturer that recommends flushing these things. The trash can sits right next to the toilet, you could argue that it's easier to just put them in the can than the toilet.

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1 hour ago, Enchubben said:

So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

I've never heard of any woman flushing tampons down the toilet.  Is your wife 12 years old or something?  

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1 hour ago, Enchubben said:

So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

Your three year old and six year old put tampons in the trash?  

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8 minutes ago, gernblansten said:

I've never heard of any woman flushing tampons down the toilet.  Is your wife 12 years old or something?  

More developed physically, but yes mentally comparable to a 12 year old.

6 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Your three year old and six year old put tampons in the trash?  

touche. They know not to put paper towels or baby wipes specifically down the toilet which was a concern of mine. 

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3 hours ago, Enchubben said:

Right?!? What's absurd is that her sister and mother both agreed that this is crazy and we should just replace the toilets. You literally cannot find a website, agency, business, or tampon manufacturer that recommends flushing these things. The trash can sits right next to the toilet, you could argue that it's easier to just put them in the can than the toilet.

you might as well call around and ask which plumber's will allow you to just pre-pay $75 a month to get top priority when you call them... because you are going to fucking call them over and over again.

you are going to call them when your MIL visits and she tries to flush a paper towel down the toilet, you are going to vcall them when the kids flush their crayons down the toilet. And you are going to call them when your wife forgets and flushes the tampons down the toilet again. and again. and again

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14 minutes ago, Doc Reeves said:

Today I just sit down with my twin 3yo girls and my wife comes in the room and waves me over. I just sat down so I’m a little ‘wtf’ but whatever, I go to the hallway. She proceeded to tell me I’m an asshole and that I am not allowed to do fucked up shit around HER children.  I’m bewildered. Which fucked up shit is she talking about? She then tells me what she thought she heard me say to my girls when I walked in their room from across the house.

I say, “Honey, I asked ‘How are my little ‘Tiggers’”

god help you if you ever have to the opportunity to explain how niggardly you have been with your praise of her....

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8 hours ago, Enchubben said:

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"

 

 

Save yourself some money & watch a couple of YouTube videos on how to operate a drain snake.

Then get the 20% off coopin for Harbor Freight & buy this:

https://www.harborfreight.com/50-ft-compact-electric-drain-cleaner-68285.html

50 Ft. Compact Electric Drain Cleaner 68285 alternate photo #1

 

It is one of the FEW powered (plug in or otherwise) items that I will buy from HF.

Get the 50 ft. cable, especially if you have a 2 story house or large front lawn (whether septic or community sewer).  It helps to have a friend operating the controls & the 2 of you learn the in's & outs.  Maybe a neighbor, because you just KNOW they will eventually need one as well.

Our Oak Hill house has an Oak Tree that takes around 1 year to grow roots into the 'exhaust' (drain) pipe & invariably it happens on a cold night.

Also, put together a kit with an extension cord, rubber gloves (thick = good, like dishwashing gloves) + leather gloves with the gauntlet cuff.  Trust me on this.

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17 hours ago, Enchubben said:

So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

You do know that your wife doesn’t need to have a cycle, right?  Unless you’re planning for more kids...

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About 20 minutes ago I hear the Mrs. downstairs vacuuming, or I should say trying to vacuum, followed by a bunch of curses.  I go downstairs and this conversation:
Me:  "What's wrong?"
Her:  "We need a new vacuum cleaner, this one is broken" (1 year old Dyson).
Me:  (Taking vacuum out to garage.  Two minutes later I pull an ink pen and a bunch of packed dust & hair out of the attachment).  "The attachment was clogged with a pen, did you look at that?"
Her:  "Oh, how did that get in there?"
We also have a Dyson and I've had to unclog crayons, pencils, etc multiple times. How does she not see this stuff?
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3 hours ago, Modessit said:
On 11/1/2020 at 9:53 AM, Victorious1 said:
About 20 minutes ago I hear the Mrs. downstairs vacuuming, or I should say trying to vacuum, followed by a bunch of curses.  I go downstairs and this conversation:
Me:  "What's wrong?"
Her:  "We need a new vacuum cleaner, this one is broken" (1 year old Dyson).
Me:  (Taking vacuum out to garage.  Two minutes later I pull an ink pen and a bunch of packed dust & hair out of the attachment).  "The attachment was clogged with a pen, did you look at that?"
Her:  "Oh, how did that get in there?"

We also have a Dyson and I've had to unclog crayons, pencils, etc multiple times. How does she not see this stuff?

upon marriage, there's only one thing they don't suck

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Not mine, but someone's wife doing stupid shit nonetheless...

 

So I've been clearing out my garage and selling old stuff on FB Marketplace. Last night a woman asked to buy the Radio Flyer wagon I had listed. I say great, and let's figure out a time/place to meet. She asked for my venmo and phone number, and said her husband would reach out to confirm.

Right after that message, my phone dings and I got $50 from her. I delivered the goods 6 hours later.

Maybe because I'm a jaded asshole who last lost total faith in humanity, but if I'm buying something from a stranger on the internet, I want one hand on the goods before slowly handing over the cash. I wanted to tell the husband that his wife is a nut, but figured he already knew his wife does stupid shit.

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On 11/2/2020 at 3:22 PM, Enchubben said:

So we just moved into a new home and I noticed that all the toilets are now super high efficient or whatever when we walk the house. Flush like a gallon per, instead of 4-5 like our other home. I told the wife and kids when we moved in, that we never put anything down the toilet other than toilet paper we use, easy peasy.

About 2 weeks ago I told the wife not to put her damn tampons in the toilet anymore because there could still be debris in the pipes from construction, weaker toilets etc., but she argued with me until she was blue in the face that "she's been doing this for decades", "it's not a problem, you don't know what you're talking about" etc.

Yesterday I am taking a shower and I start to notice the water building up on the floor, two of the toilets had a phantom clog that I couldn't get unclogged, and the bathtubs both had slow drains.  Then this morning I wake up and see what looks like raw sewage on both shower floors so I have to call the plumber.

He snakes it out and naturally, finds three tampons had clogged up all of our pipes.  I tell the wife, "remember when we had that talk about flushing these down the toilet?" She says "huh that's weird, I wonder what they got caught on?"  Her solution to fixing this problem is "Can we replace our toilets with stronger ones?"  

Bitch just put the tampons in the trash like I said from the beginning!  (side note, the 3 year old and 6 year old have had no problems following this simple instruction)

 

 

With all due respect, your wife sounds like a retarded hilljack and I am starting to not like her. 

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