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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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Don't disagree.  And on top of that, they have changed the dimentions of the larger water heaters, so you can't put a 55 gallon tank in the attic since it's squattier than it used to be.  And don't forget, the sediment in the tank that can't be removed easily adds another 50+ lbs of crap you have to haul down from the attic. 
 
Unfortunately in our case, they put them up there because there was no utility closet in the house, and the garage wasn't an option.

I use one of these the last time I replaced a water heater in the attic. I screwed an eye hook into a rafter, lowered the old one, lifted the new one and returned it back to Amazon the next day.

https://a.co/d/b3APLz0
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Back on track, Hulla.  

I take Lipitor every day to keep my cholesterol down.  It's a lot easier to take a pill than watch your diet and exercise. 

The other day I threw away an empty Lipitor bottle. 

Mrs. B reached into the trash can pulled out the bottle and and said "you need to remove the label or else somebody could go through the trash and refill it in your name."

Me:  "Yeah they can get a lot on the black market for Lipitor."

Mrs. B: tone

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I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

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58 minutes ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

That’s why god made cocktails and appetizers. 

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The bonus I forgot to mention is that she called me an hour before she left (because I tried to call her first before texting) to tell me she got the text and even mentioned the restaurant by name.

When she called later, she was laughing and said, "Guess where I am?"

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

I bet that rabbit would be yummy. We raised them for food when I was a kid. 

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

Boil the bunny.

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13 hours ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

A few months ago we had a holiday party for work where our international team was in town and I was running the show.  We originally were at one place and move to another.  Somehow, despite texts, email, verbal conversation that week and day of telling here where when and how to get there, she went to the original place instead.  Mind you, I told her one time MONTHS before the original place.  Of course she goes to the wrong place, then complains that I didn't tell her it moved (easily 3 verifiable in writing things day of, including 2 texts up from where she was complaining I didn't tell her), and she was running late anyway because she always is from work and then had to back track 35 minutes and was an hour late.  

I can't stand people being late.  I take it as complete disrespect to me and the event.  She really does try but work days are hard for her because she works at and owns her own salon.  But man, I had a hard time that day not being pissed. 
 

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

Our dog bowl is filtered water when she fills it. 
I leave the toilet lid open. 

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1 hour ago, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

I feel your pain.  I was raised on a farm/ranch where the old man trained cutting horses.  20 brood mares so we generally have 50-60 horses.  We also raised 4H/FFA steers and sheep and had a commercial rabbit operation with 30 does and about 30 laying hens for selling eggs.  ALL of those animals drank water pumped from the stock tank.  But she thinks our 6 hens need filtered water to drink.  And constantly telling me what I need to do different in the upkeep of our 6 hens.  I won't even THINK about bringing up some of the more entertaining of those ideas.

But now to the best part.  The other day, she brought home a new chicken shit scooper.
Her:  This one is only for the chickens.   Use the other one for cleaning up dog poop.
Me:  Huh?
Her:   I don't want the chicken poop bacteria to get mixed in the the dog poop bacteria, and visa versa.
Me:  It is shit.  And you do realize that I compost all of that chicken shit and it gets added to the compost that goes into our gardens for the veggies we eat.
Her:  But I don't want the dog poop and chicken poop to get mixed up buy using the same scooper.

 

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39 minutes ago, tbone_ said:

I assume your answer was “Yeah, no.” ?

Actually, I told her this idea didn't make sense, but I thought I would have some fun with it.   

Old scooper, now assigned to dog shit patrol is pink.....but the hens are red in color.  The pink one should be for the hens. 

The new shit tool is green...like army fatigue green.....and the dog is a German Shepherd.  It makes much more sense to have the green shit tool assigned to the dog and the pink one to be used for chicken shit.   

By this point, she was fairly confused or mad...I really couldn't tell and truly didn't care...but I got a few minutes of interrupted peace and joy.  

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55 minutes ago, hullabelew said:

I feel your pain.  I was raised on a farm/ranch where the old man trained cutting horses.  20 brood mares so we generally have 50-60 horses.  We also raised 4H/FFA steers and sheep and had a commercial rabbit operation with 30 does and about 30 laying hens for selling eggs.  ALL of those animals drank water pumped from the stock tank.  But she thinks our 6 hens need filtered water to drink.  And constantly telling me what I need to do different in the upkeep of our 6 hens.  I won't even THINK about bringing up some of the more entertaining of those ideas.

But now to the best part.  The other day, she brought home a new chicken shit scooper.
Her:  This one is only for the chickens.   Use the other one for cleaning up dog poop.
Me:  Huh?
Her:   I don't want the chicken poop bacteria to get mixed in the the dog poop bacteria, and visa versa.
Me:  It is shit.  And you do realize that I compost all of that chicken shit and it gets added to the compost that goes into our gardens for the veggies we eat.
Her:  But I don't want the dog poop and chicken poop to get mixed up buy using the same scooper.

 

Harold Ramis Dont Cross The Streams GIF by Ghostbusters

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Actually, I told her this idea didn't make sense, but I thought I would have some fun with it.   
Old scooper, now assigned to dog shit patrol is pink.....but the hens are red in color.  The pink one should be for the hens. 
The new shit tool is green...like army fatigue green.....and the dog is a German Shepherd.  It makes much more sense to have the green shit tool assigned to the dog and the pink one to be used for chicken shit.   
By this point, she was fairly confused or mad...I really couldn't tell and truly didn't care...but I got a few minutes of interrupted peace and joy.  
But the old one has already touched dog poop. It's contaminated. You know how hard it is to boil and sanitize a doggie poop scooper? Will you at least think about the poor chickens?
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1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

Our dog bowl is filtered water when she fills it. 
I leave the toilet lid open. 

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

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On 2/8/2024 at 1:40 PM, rage-a-holic said:

I have never, ever dated/married a woman that had a clue about directions or US/World Geography. Women with any knowledge of those are unicorns.

That's like breaking up with a woman because she doesn't recognize Simpsons quotes.

Okay but thinking St. Louis is a city in Chicago is pretty fucking bad. I've never dated a girl that dumb. 

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2 hours ago, uoftorange said:

A few months ago we had a holiday party for work where our international team was in town and I was running the show.  We originally were at one place and move to another.  Somehow, despite texts, email, verbal conversation that week and day of telling here where when and how to get there, she went to the original place instead.  Mind you, I told her one time MONTHS before the original place.  Of course she goes to the wrong place, then complains that I didn't tell her it moved (easily 3 verifiable in writing things day of, including 2 texts up from where she was complaining I didn't tell her), and she was running late anyway because she always is from work and then had to back track 35 minutes and was an hour late.  

I can't stand people being late.  I take it as complete disrespect to me and the event.  She really does try but work days are hard for her because she works at and owns her own salon.  But man, I had a hard time that day not being pissed. 
 

I do not invite my wife to any work functions. She doesn't want to go, I don't want her to go, problem solved.

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16 hours ago, Modessit said:

I'm currently waiting at a restaurant because my wife mis-read the text and drove 30 minutes the wrong direction to a different restaurant. She was already running late - because she's always running late - so now our 6pm dinner might happen at 7. Maybe.

Going out to dinner on Valentine's Day is like going out on New Years Eve.

Rookie.

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59 minutes ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

Many pages up thread is a discussion about the fact that many wives don’t flush the toilet in the middle of the night because reasons, resulting in a nice yellow, stinky, toilet paper filled bowl every morning. 

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51 minutes ago, nnm said:

Many pages up thread is a discussion about the fact that many wives don’t flush the toilet in the middle of the night because reasons, resulting in a nice yellow, stinky, toilet paper filled bowl every morning. 

Mine doesn’t, and I am ok with that. One less gallon of clean water wasted. 

1 hour ago, hullabelew said:

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

Ah, fuck. I was cheering for her until this one. 

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2 hours ago, BHMCruiser said:

I do not invite my wife to any work functions. She doesn't want to go, I don't want her to go, problem solved.

See the problem there is that my wife is the life of any party.  She can make shit parties ones people don't forget.  And that night I didn't want to take any chances lol

I think that's the difference btw what this thread is at it's best vs. the divorce thread.  She has some qualities that drive me crazy, but they are 2% of the day vs the 98% where she's awesome.  But that thread wouldn't be as funny.  

Honestly, in retrospect it's more funny to me that even though she never listens to me, the one time she did it and then retained it, it was the wrong information

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3 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 

Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 

 

 

4 hours ago, hullabelew said:

She was dumping the dog shit into the fire pit.  FML

 

I guess y'all are barbarians. 

 

 

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22 minutes ago, uoftorange said:

See the problem there is that my wife is the life of any party.  She can make shit parties ones people don't forget.  And that night I didn't want to take any chances lol

I think that's the difference btw what this thread is at it's best vs. the divorce thread.  She has some qualities that drive me crazy, but they are 2% of the day vs the 98% where she's awesome.  But that thread wouldn't be as funny.  

Honestly, in retrospect it's more funny to me that even though she never listens to me, the one time she did it and then retained it, it was the wrong information

When mine pisses me off with her constant social interaction I remind myself that it’s very important to her, and remind myself that she’s the social face of our relationship. If she’s the life of the party, then I don’t have to be.

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Assuming you aren't barbarians and flush every time you shit/piss, the toilet water is probably fresher than the water in the dog bowl. Dogs can smell this, and therefore given the choice, prefer the toilet water. 
Except my idiot black lab. He prefers the water in the bird bath- full of dead spiders and bird shit. 
 

On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.
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13 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

Hell.  I think a dog that eats its own shit is doing his part to keep dog food expenses down.

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16 minutes ago, tbone_ said:


On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

That way he gets to eat that special chicken twice.

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1 hour ago, Kennythetiger said:

When mine pisses me off with her constant social interaction I remind myself that it’s very important to her, and remind myself that she’s the social face of our relationship. If she’s the life of the party, then I don’t have to be.

Absolutely the way I feel too.  

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