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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do

Spur08

By Spur08
in Lulz

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MNLonghornFUKM

MNLonghornFUKM 8780

Posted
Posted
I posted this a few years ago on the old site. It needs to live on.
 
 

So I'm in a meeting at work and my wife starts blowing up my phone, so I step out of the meeting and talk to her  
Wife: I just ran over a cone and now its stuck under the car and I can't get it out. I'm dragging it around and everyone is looking at me.
Me: Go put two wheels up on the curb and you should be able to remove it.
Wife: OK, I'll try that
hangup
 
I go back in the meeting and start to think about it. She was driving my truck with a 4" lift, so I wonder how in the hell would it be possible to get a cone stuck underneath it?!? I plan to call her after the meeting and figure out what's going on. Then she texts me a picture. She's obviously proud that she has removed the "cone" from underneath the vehicle.
5d8992024a7914686b09983802213173.jpg
 

  
 
 
 
So it happened again?
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Al_4_ISU

Al_4_ISU 12199

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I don't want to piggyback onto Lobo's epic rant over in the holiday bitch thread, but the next foofoo coffee drink bullshit that my wife actually finishes will be the first damn damn one ever.

Every fucking time she gets a size too big, drinks half of the mother fucker, and it gets tossed. 

It's like the shithead roomate I had in college who would order a double quarter pounder from McDonald's on every visit.  Every time he'd eat half, and then toss it.  Whenever I suggest he simply order a quarter pounder and eat the entire thing, he'd lose his shit.

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Modessit

Modessit 5582

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Posted

Wife just woke me up at 3am because she couldn't sleep and wanted to watch something on the tablet but couldn't find it. I told her the last time I saw it she was in bed watching something on it. "I put it back in the living room and it's not there." I pull up the locater on my phone to see where in the house it is and see it's on 6% battery and the location is shut off. I tell it to play a sound and we hear it and follow it to the bedroom where we find it under the comforter in bed on her side.

 

And now I'm having a hard time going back to sleep.

 

 

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52-80

52-80 18962

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On 12/18/2018 at 7:12 PM, Mole said:

We’re heading out of town for the holidays. We don’t fly because we’ve missed too many flights. It’s a 10-12 hour drive to her family’s house. I woke up at about 6 and was told that she could leave “whenever I wanted.” It’s after 1pm and I’m still on the couch. After everything is done, I predict a 2pm departure. I might be too optimistic.

hahahaha... this fucking bullshit

 

when we schedule to leave at 10am, im ready at 955am to go on a moment's notice.

if we're out the door at 10:02am because i had to shit or something, it's my fault for taking too long.

if we're out the door at 2:00pm because she's been dawdling around, it's my fault for not helping pack bags to the car early.  etc

***

no such problems around flights though, since she insist on being at the airport 4 hours before check-in time.

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luke duke

luke duke 6359

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Wife just woke me up at 3am because she couldn't sleep and wanted to watch something on the tablet but couldn't find it. I told her the last time I saw it she was in bed watching something on it. "I put it back in the living room and it's not there." I pull up the locater on my phone to see where in the house it is and see it's on 6% battery and the location is shut off. I tell it to play a sound and we hear it and follow it to the bedroom where we find it under the comforter in bed on her side.

 

And now I'm having a hard time going back to sleep.

 

 

 

You’re a dumbass. You just taught your wife that’s okay to wake you up at 2am so she can watch The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills reruns.

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TrashMaster G

TrashMaster G 17263

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6 hours ago, Modessit said:

Wife just woke me up at 3am because she couldn't sleep and wanted to watch something on the tablet but couldn't find it. I told her the last time I saw it she was in bed watching something on it. "I put it back in the living room and it's not there." I pull up the locater on my phone to see where in the house it is and see it's on 6% battery and the location is shut off. I tell it to play a sound and we hear it and follow it to the bedroom where we find it under the comforter in bed on her side.

 

And now I'm having a hard time going back to sleep.

 

 

That kind of passive aggressive shit just pisses me off to no end.

My ex was horrible about it.  Any day I have to get up early and she was still sleeping, I would go out of my way to be quiet, avoid turning on lights, etc.  If she had to get up early, she might as well have sounded reveille. It's like she was pissed off that she was up while I was still (trying to be) asleep.

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uoftorange

uoftorange 1383

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1 hour ago, TrashMaster G said:

That kind of passive aggressive shit just pisses me off to no end.

My ex was horrible about it.  Any day I have to get up early and she was still sleeping, I would go out of my way to be quiet, avoid turning on lights, etc.  If she had to get up early, she might as well have sounded reveille. It's like she was pissed off that she was up while I was still (trying to be) asleep.

Yep, a few weeks ago my wife woke me up to ask me what to do about a paintbrush because it had a different color on it.  At 6AM on a Saturday.  Nevermind that there were 2 brand new paintbrushes within 18 inches of that one.  Or that she wasn't going to start painting for another few hours.  Or that she came in, woke me up, asked the question then within 2 seconds she says, "never mind I'll just use one of the other ones" and I'll let you guess if she softly shut the door...

 

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Mango4

Mango4 189

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Posted

I know this has been brought up here before but what it is it about women that makes them not able to pump gas? Just got in my wife's car and the needle barely moved when I started it. I know she drove by at least 3 gas stations early today when she was out running errands with the kids but couldn't manage to stop and put gas in.

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lateshow

lateshow 1303

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Posted
7 minutes ago, Mango4 said:

I know this has been brought up here before but what it is it about women that makes them not able to pump gas? Just got in my wife's car and the needle barely moved when I started it. I know she drove by at least 3 gas stations early today when she was out running errands with the kids but couldn't manage to stop and put gas in.

She just didn't have time, you inconsiderate dick.

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Knoxtnhorn

Knoxtnhorn 5906

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Posted
On 12/19/2018 at 9:01 PM, UT_OB1 said:

Towel racks?  With towels on them?  And you have to replace them when she does laundry?  I don’t want to hear it. We have no less than 10 towels, wet, on the floor ALL. OVER. THE. HOUSE.  Most are on the floor in the bathroom, but a handful will be in the middle of the bedroom floor, living room, hallway, or kitchen. And these aren’t  towels the kids left out. 

 

Oh, and “I spent all day doing laundry I’m exhausted” means 2-4 loads were transported from the bedroom, washed, dried, and piled on the spare bedroom to be left until I fold them and put them away. 

Holy cow!  We're married to the same woman

I'd also like to add the, "I've spent all day folding laundry" complaint.  Perhaps if you didn't pile it (clean laundry) up for weeks at a time, this wouldn't happen.  

I do my own laundry and it NEVER consists of more than 1/2 a load which is also immediately folded and put up.

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dingleberryswitzer

dingleberryswitzer 2724

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50 minutes ago, Flg8rfan said:

Gas talk not going away. Nobody’s wives put gas in their car.

My wife is good about pumping her own gas.  But sometimes I notice she doesn't fill up all the way.  Shell stop and put in half a tank.  The reasoning is that she hates gas stations and wants to spend as little time  as possible there.  

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El Diablo

El Diablo 4232

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35 minutes ago, Knoxtnhorn said:

Holy cow!  We're married to the same woman

I'd also like to add the, "I've spent all day folding laundry" complaint.  Perhaps if you didn't pile it (clean laundry) up for weeks at a time, this wouldn't happen.  

I do my own laundry and it NEVER consists of more than 1/2 a load which is also immediately folded and put up.

You do the small loads by hand?

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miguelito

miguelito 11060

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This morning I went into the pantry/laundry room to get some cereal, and I noticed that the green light on the washing machine was on, indicating that a load was done.  She did laundry yesterday.  There were some damp towels in there.

And she always complains that our towels smell funny and we need to buy new towels. 

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Nivek

Nivek 16643

Posted
Posted
I don't want to piggyback onto Lobo's epic rant over in the holiday bitch thread, but the next foofoo coffee drink bullshit that my wife actually finishes will be the first damn damn one ever.
Every fucking time she gets a size too big, drinks half of the mother fucker, and it gets tossed. 
It's like the shithead roomate I had in college who would order a double quarter pounder from McDonald's on every visit.  Every time he'd eat half, and then toss it.  Whenever I suggest he simply order a quarter pounder and eat the entire thing, he'd lose his shit.

You are searching for shit to whine about.
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UT_OB1

UT_OB1 2193

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4 hours ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

As I type this, there is a graffiti artist in the playroom painting a mural on one of the walls. 

I initially read this as giraffe artist, and it made perfect sense in my head because you typed it. 

 

When do we get get pictures of the giraffe?

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Druggist

Druggist 303

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Posted

A girl I work with, who is somebody’s wife, recently checked out the audiobook “What Happened” by Hillary Clinton from the library.

When she started it, she was disappointed because she thought she had checked out  “What Happened Hillary Clinton?” by literally any other author.  In fairness, i’d rather read the second book too.

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dingleberryswitzer

dingleberryswitzer 2724

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19 hours ago, miguelito said:

This morning I went into the pantry/laundry room to get some cereal, and I noticed that the green light on the washing machine was on, indicating that a load was done.  She did laundry yesterday.  There were some damp towels in there.

And she always complains that our towels smell funny and we need to buy new towels. 

a4fb6088b0dd0bea28b594911417589d.gif

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