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Prepuce of Doom

Shart Thread 2019: Year of the Squirt

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10 hours ago, Uncle Boobs said:

Being a nudist and also a shartmaster has not been good for my furniture.

Ray Pugh, is that you?

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Played golf Sunday & drank quite a few beers after 2 gut-bomb breakfast tacos...got home and guessed wrong on a fart.  1st one of 2019.  At least the wife thought it was hilarious instead of being grossed out; so I have that going for me, which is nice.

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2 already today and it's still early. I'm on antibiotics for a foot infection, and I blame that. For the first one I was pretty sure the fart was treacherous, but let it out full bore anyway. Yup. I was still at home so I just cleaned up, changed underwear, and went on with my day. Embrace the shart!

Second one didn't make it to the underwear because of some excellent situational awareness on my asscheeks' part. I think it still counts.

Probably going to end up with a hat trick for the day.

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in a hotel in lake charles, watching the hangover on HBO and drinking clubhouse vodka out of the bottle.  just farted liquid shit into my boxers.  good to be a part of the group.  

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7 hours ago, futureman said:

in a hotel in lake charles, watching the hangover on HBO and drinking clubhouse vodka out of the bottle.  just farted liquid shit into my boxers.   

If that ain't country, you can kiss my ass.

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So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

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On 3/2/2019 at 2:14 PM, Gil Bang said:

So, in Costco, and I decide to take a leak.   A guy is  a few steps ahead of me going into the men's room.  Walk in, there's three urinals.  Left is occupied, so guy in front of me goes to the right, and I take the middle.  Shortly, guy at left finishes and leaves.  Me and guy to right still standing there.  He starts to fart, and then it takes a turn for the worse, and  I hear a horrible gurgling sound.  I'm trying not to laugh at the dude's predicament. 

Now, the decent thing to do would be zip up, wash up, and leave, saving the guy a little embarrassment.  

That's not what I did.   

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

Kinky

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On 3/2/2019 at 2:14 PM, Gil Bang said:

 

I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  

cfa.gif

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Wife has been fighting the flu.  She went to pick the kids up today.  While waiting in line for my daughter she let out a cough, and then joined the club.  She was not happy by the time she got home.  I laughed.

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Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

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I stood there, holding my cock, pretending to piss, until the dude did the sad shuffle into the stall cursing under his breath.  


Did you finish?

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On 3/9/2019 at 5:49 PM, Flg8rfan said:

Became a member today while out of town at my kids travel VB tournament (no pics).

We ate lunch. Got to the convention center early so they went in and I took advantage of a quick nap. Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. Called the wife en route to the condo for a shower and change of clothes, can’t wait until I’m confident enough to head back there and face the other parents—I have no doubt in my mind she told them why I missed the first two matches.

She is a woman...you know she did.

And she told it so well...

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She is a woman...you know she did.

And she told it so well...

 

 

Yup.

 

Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk

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8 hours ago, SHOOTER12 said:

She is a woman...you know she did.

And she told it so well...

It was probably a 30 minute story and involved side stories about several of her relatives and a friend whose husband is cheating on her

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Did you finish?
While staring into his eyes.

No way in hell do I take the middle urinal if the other 2 are occupied. I take the stall 99% of the time anyways

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Got the stomach crud bad...

 

You know the tale. 

Went to sleep a clean, successful, and proud man.

Woke up a filthy, sloven pig of a child.

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2 hours ago, pacman said:

Got the stomach crud bad...

 

You know the tale. 

Went to sleep a clean, successful, and proud man.

Woke up a filthy, sloven pig of a child.

Wholly shit...wait, whut?

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Posted (edited)

Question for @Armybrat..

at your age do you even have to fart to shart or does the rhea just kinda seep out?

Edited by Jhawk

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On 3/8/2019 at 12:06 AM, ulukinatme said:

Wife has been fighting the flu.  She went to pick the kids up today.  While waiting in line for my daughter she let out a cough, and then joined the club.  She was not happy by the time she got home.  I laughed.

Gonna need pics of your wife’s asshole to assess the damage. 

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22 minutes ago, Jhawk said:

Question for @Armybrat..

at your age do you even have to fart to shart or does the rhea just kinda seep out?

I take normal dumps. They look just like a jayhawker.

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On 3/19/2019 at 7:21 AM, Kennythetiger said:

I believe he shat the bed.  Gross.  

yeah that is not what this thread is about. 

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On 3/9/2019 at 5:49 PM, Flg8rfan said:

 Made it 30 feet on my way in before it coughed and ruined my shorts. 

“it” coughed? 

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No shart, but I think something broke inside me. Thought I knew what an 11 was. This was a 27.

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Sneezed while stepping down out of truck yesterday.  Immediately froze.   Wife was with me and asked what was wrong.  Really no way to save face in that situation.         She gave me a handful of napkins out of the console while laughing uncontrollably.   

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On 2/17/2019 at 1:50 PM, Beau Vine said:

Dad:

Scott%20Sharts%20Hall%20of%20Fame%20Plaq

Uncle and unrelated dude with worse name:

Sp-Top10-Unfortunate-Names-In-Sports-720

 

Sharts should starts

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A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 

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On 3/11/2019 at 3:18 PM, MNLonghornFUKM said:

No way in hell do I take the middle urinal if the other 2 are occupied. I take the stall 99% of the time anyways

Sorry about your small penis.

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On 4/17/2019 at 2:10 PM, Armybrat said:

I take normal dumps. They look just like a jayhawker.

How does the ass take the girth?

mangino.jpg

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A Sunday lunch at Kim Phung in Austin once cost me my boxer shorts, my undershirt, and both socks. I made it as far as Pronto mart in Hyde Park and emerged from their bathroom barefooted and humbled 30 minutes later. A few years later I surrendered a pair of underwear to the restroom trash can in Pho Da Loi in Atlanta. Unsure where to turn, this thread is an inspiration to people like myself. 
You may wanna see a doctor.

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54 minutes ago, Parliament said:

You may wanna see a doctor.

MSG in sufficient quantities, it would seem,  hits me like a high-octane saline laxative that gives a pinch of Copenhagen combined with my morning cup of coffee a serious run for their money. All I have to do is remember it's not a fart, do not fart, do not even think about farting, and waddle to nearest men's room. The results are epic. I swallowed some bubble gum accidentally in 1982 and I'm pretty sure I saw it in the toilet the last time I dined out for Asian. Good times. 

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I always thought I would be a casual viewer of this thread and never a willing participant.  Today, sadly, I’m here as an official new member of the club.  

Thanks a lot Enchiladas Y Mas. 

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Posted (edited)

Going to put this here. Went out hard last night. Had some fernet. Banged a girl that smelled like patchouli and self described as “bohemian”. Finished the night off with a spicy chicken sandwich from QT. Got up at 530. Left her house because of heartburn. Shit my pants the second I got in the car. Should have just crapped her bed. Would have made her place smell better. Ditched my briefs, shorts, and an Elvis beach towel on the north end of the Tulsa university campus if anyone want some free clothes. 

Edited by Jhawk

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