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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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18 hours ago, tbone_ said:


On a related note I always chuckle at these high end dog food commercials. That little precious filthy animal that you think needs free range organic chicken curated and massaged by Cuban virgins will turn around and eat his own vomit right in front of you.

My wife became convinced we needed to feed our first dog that Fresh Pet shit when he got old and his teeth started going.  I guess it made sense, because it was hard for him to chew kibble and that little fucker was an absolute prince who realistically deserved filet mignon had it been in the budget.

But the problem is our shitass second dog got used to it as well.  Costs more to feed that surly mongrel than it does to feed our kid.

Edited by Al_4_ISU
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Mix a little bit in w/ his kibble so he can get the smell, but you don't have to feed just the expensive stuff.  I the tube into 1/4" cubes and put them in a tupperware, then just shake a little into the bowl, kibble goes on top so they have to go through the cheap stuff (not cheap @ almost $60 for a 35# bag...) to get to the FreshPet.  I get about 2 weeks out of a 1.5# tube for 2 dogs, but they only get that in the morning.  They have to suffer w/ the kibble alone in the evenings.

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21 hours ago, hullabelew said:

My previous dog, Captain Velcro at his own shit.  The circle of life in back yard, during his time on earth., was very small.  I miss the little fucker. 

My current dogs do this right now. You want to take them in and relive those memories? 

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On 2/15/2024 at 6:51 AM, GoPokes83 said:

I got in a surprising amount of trouble this morning for filling the kid’s pet rabbit’s water from the faucet instead of using the filtered water from the refrigerator. The fact that it would be drinking from a half cow piss puddle in the wild fell on cold shoulders.

Oh Trixie!

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3 hours ago, Mittens said:

Mix a little bit in w/ his kibble so he can get the smell, but you don't have to feed just the expensive stuff.  I the tube into 1/4" cubes and put them in a tupperware, then just shake a little into the bowl, kibble goes on top so they have to go through the cheap stuff (not cheap @ almost $60 for a 35# bag...) to get to the FreshPet.  I get about 2 weeks out of a 1.5# tube for 2 dogs, but they only get that in the morning.  They have to suffer w/ the kibble alone in the evenings.

I mix in kibble, but Christ, there’s no reason that mutt shouldn’t be on an all kibble diet.

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Not dumb, just hilarious, maybe the best language mixup I’ve had. My wife is not a native English speaker. She’s involved in some sort of PTA/school club issue where one set of parents are being truly bizarre and she’s complaining to me about them.  In trying to explain how crazy they’re acting, she sent me this gif (screenshot). I assume she typed “nuts” in the gif browser:

image.thumb.jpeg.e581e90de0506e1b43e2370a7d32054c.jpeg 

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13 hours ago, Al_4_ISU said:

My wife became convinced we needed to feed our first dog that Fresh Pet shit when he got old and his teeth started going.  I guess it made sense, because it was hard for him to chew kibble and that little fucker was an absolute prince who realistically deserved filet mignon had it been in the budget.

But the problem is our shitass second dog got used to it as well.  Costs more to feed that surly mongrel than it does to feed our kid.

Lol, I'm slow I guess but I just noticed Walmart has a refrigerated case for their "high end" pet foods...fuck me running, the world has gone to hell.

Edited by SHOOTER12
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We went out Friday night to dinner and to see Fortune Feimster (btw she’s funny as shit) at a theater within a 10 minute walk to the restaurant. We were in a winter storm warning for 4-8” snow and it had started to snow on the drive over. We live in the north, no major ordeal. 

We were waking away from the car and Mrs. Ace asked me to go back and get our snow brush/scrapper tool so we can have it with us to brush the car off when we return after the show. 

I told her no and that I would take care of the car when we get back like normal while she enjoys her seat warmer turned up to level 168 and scrolls TikTok. There is zero reason to carry around a foot long telescoping piece of plastic into a restaurant and theater. 

In shocking news, the theater told me the tool wasn’t allowed inside. Guess who didn’t volunteer to walk it back to the car.  

 

 

 

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I don’t understand all of these stories of your dogs getting all of this shit that isn’t dog food. How does it not result in complete blowouts the following day? 

This feels like a story that should be in this thread, but it was a buddy of mine. He gives his dog a fucking Slim Jim on a long roadtrip from Houston to the east coast while the rest of his family flies.  Unsurprisingly, the dog blows out in the car in east Louisiana (his wife’s, to boot 😂) and he has to go into some gas station dressed down to his skivvies since the dog shat all over him. 

This is basically what my various dogs over the year do when they get “people food.” Maybe (obviously) this is a post for “my dog is awesome” thread, but what gives?

Edited by Planet Houston
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9 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

We went out Friday night to dinner and to see Fortune Feimster (btw she’s funny as shit) at a theater within a 10 minute walk to the restaurant. We were in a winter storm warning for 4-8” snow and it had started to snow on the drive over. We live in the north, no major ordeal. 

We were waking away from the car and Mrs. Ace asked me to go back and get our snow brush/scrapper tool so we can have it with us to brush the car off when we return after the show. 

I told her no and that I would take care of the car when we get back like normal while she enjoys her seat warmer turned up to level 168 and scrolls TikTok. There is zero reason to carry around a foot long telescoping piece of plastic into a restaurant and theater. 

In shocking news, the theater told me the tool wasn’t allowed inside. Guess who didn’t volunteer to walk it back to the car.  

 

 

 

Hmm.  So my wife didn’t go to San Antonio like she told me she was.    Good luck, chump. 

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23 hours ago, The Ace of Aces said:

In shocking news, the theater told me the tool wasn’t allowed inside. Guess who didn’t volunteer to walk it back to the car.  

You should have thrown it in the nearest trash. That would have taught her a lesson.

Right.

 

Right?

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I don’t understand all of these stories of your dogs getting all of this shit that isn’t dog food. How does it not result in complete blowouts the following day? 
This feels like a story that should be in this thread, but it was a buddy of mine. He gives his dog a fucking Slim Jim on a long roadtrip from Houston to the east coast while the rest of his family flies.  Unsurprisingly, the dog blows out in the car in east Louisiana (his wife’s, to boot ) and he has to go into some gas station dressed down to his skivvies since the dog shat all over him. 
This is basically what my various dogs over the year do when they get “people food.” Maybe (obviously) this is a post for “my dog is awesome” thread, but what gives?

Not everyone’s dog is a bitch.
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On 2/18/2024 at 11:59 AM, The Ace of Aces said:

We went out Friday night to dinner and to see Fortune Feimster (btw she’s funny as shit) at a theater within a 10 minute walk to the restaurant. We were in a winter storm warning for 4-8” snow and it had started to snow on the drive over. We live in the north, no major ordeal. 

We were waking away from the car and Mrs. Ace asked me to go back and get our snow brush/scrapper tool so we can have it with us to brush the car off when we return after the show. 

I told her no and that I would take care of the car when we get back like normal while she enjoys her seat warmer turned up to level 168 and scrolls TikTok. There is zero reason to carry around a foot long telescoping piece of plastic into a restaurant and theater. 

Yada yada yada...

In shocking news, the theater told me the tool wasn’t allowed inside. Guess who didn’t volunteer to walk it back to the car.  

 

 

 

You missed the part of your story where you did exactly as you were told because she laughed at you and told you to get your fucking shinebox.  I added it in.

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Man, I just don't know how some people do it.

There's a retired couple in their late 60's or so that works out at my gym in the mornings. Always together. They go hop on the treadmills side-by-side and the wife literally just talks into her husband's ear, non-stop stream of consciousness without pause the entire time. He never says a word beyond "yep" or "uh huh" every now and then. Just stares blankly ahead. I presume at this point he just hears a high-pitched tone or something. After the treadmills, they go use various weight machines, and the wife always is on whatever machine is next to her husband, yakking in his general direction. I'd have to give up exercising entirely if every trip to the gym meant that my wife was gonna tag along and try to talk me to death the entire time. 

This man appears to have the patience of a saint, but I just know that deep down, buried somewhere in his gut, there's a "goddamnit woman, do you ever shut the hell up??!???!" just waiting to escape. 

 

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1 hour ago, Storm the Field said:

Man, I just don't know how some people do it.

There's a retired couple in their late 60's or so that works out at my gym in the mornings. Always together. They go hop on the treadmills side-by-side and the wife literally just talks into her husband's ear, non-stop stream of consciousness without pause the entire time. He never says a word beyond "yep" or "uh huh" every now and then. Just stares blankly ahead. I presume at this point he just hears a high-pitched tone or something. After the treadmills, they go use various weight machines, and the wife always is on whatever machine is next to her husband, yakking in his general direction. I'd have to give up exercising entirely if every trip to the gym meant that my wife was gonna tag along and try to talk me to death the entire time. 

This man appears to have the patience of a saint, but I just know that deep down, buried somewhere in his gut, there's a "goddamnit woman, do you ever shut the hell up??!???!" just waiting to escape. 

 

Both of my brother in laws are this man.  They have their faults, but they deserve sainthood for dealing with my sister and sister in law.  I have no idea how they do it.  Both of them are very similiar, and have a "it will be what it will be attitude" and are super aloof.  Both are intelligent and capable, but both also don't do shit around the house when it needs to be done.  They just use all of their energy not exploding on the crazy they deal with day to day.  So apparently it's a trade off.  

I love both my sister and sister in law and enjoy their company, but they both don't pull that shit with me because they know I'll call them on it.  Respectfully, but still call them on it.  It's pretty funny watching my interaction with the two of them and my brother in laws' interactions.  

In 22 years I've seen my sister's husband snap on her 3 total times.  And it was brutal.  Luckily my sister was wise enough to take it, and move on.  I've known my other brother in law for 12 years (married his wife's sister 2 years ago, they are nothing alike lol) and seen him snap once.  But it was crazy.  It was "do you ever shut the fuck up?"  She quipped back and he lost it.  SHUT. THE. FUCK. UP.  and walked away.  10 minutes later it was back to business as usual lol

Edited by uoftorange
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17 hours ago, nnm said:

ron-dog.gif

Counterpoint.

Lost our cat to old age, pack of coyotes, or....?  about a year ago.

Spent a large portion of Saturday dealing with a mouse condominium in the corner of the garage my wife has turned into a hording location.

 

And I pretty much loathe cats.  But damn they are useful for rodent deterrence.

Edited by Incredulity
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45 minutes ago, Incredulity said:

Counterpoint.

Lost our cat to old age, pack of coyotes, or....?  about a year ago.

Spent a large portion of Saturday dealing with a mouse condominium in the corner of the garage my wife has turned into a hording location.

 

And I pretty much loathe cats.  But damn they are useful for rodent deterrence.

Yes, cats are utilitarian. Growing up, we always had 5-15 unnamed barn cats. The extent of our care for them was to scatter one bowlful of food on the pump house roof in the evening. Coyotes and owls would keep their population in check. We had no critters near the house, and consequently no snakes seeking critters near the house. 

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2 hours ago, Incredulity said:

Counterpoint.

Lost our cat to old age, pack of coyotes, or....?  about a year ago.

Spent a large portion of Saturday dealing with a mouse condominium in the corner of the garage my wife has turned into a hording location.

 

And I pretty much loathe cats.  But damn they are useful for rodent deterrence.

Yeah, I go back and forth on my barn cats. Fewer rodents around my place is great, but I have a covey of quail that shows itself from time to time and I wonder how many of them those bastard cats are eating. 

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Man, I just don't know how some people do it.
There's a retired couple in their late 60's or so that works out at my gym in the mornings. Always together. They go hop on the treadmills side-by-side and the wife literally just talks into her husband's ear, non-stop stream of consciousness without pause the entire time. He never says a word beyond "yep" or "uh huh" every now and then. Just stares blankly ahead. I presume at this point he just hears a high-pitched tone or something. After the treadmills, they go use various weight machines, and the wife always is on whatever machine is next to her husband, yakking in his general direction. I'd have to give up exercising entirely if every trip to the gym meant that my wife was gonna tag along and try to talk me to death the entire time. 
This man appears to have the patience of a saint, but I just know that deep down, buried somewhere in his gut, there's a "goddamnit woman, do you ever shut the hell up??!???!" just waiting to escape. 
 
ae2de241a477914dc1ab824f1483529e.jpg
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On 2/26/2024 at 11:25 AM, Storm the Field said:

Man, I just don't know how some people do it.

There's a retired couple in their late 60's or so that works out at my gym in the mornings. Always together. They go hop on the treadmills side-by-side and the wife literally just talks into her husband's ear, non-stop stream of consciousness without pause the entire time. He never says a word beyond "yep" or "uh huh" every now and then. Just stares blankly ahead. I presume at this point he just hears a high-pitched tone or something. After the treadmills, they go use various weight machines, and the wife always is on whatever machine is next to her husband, yakking in his general direction. I'd have to give up exercising entirely if every trip to the gym meant that my wife was gonna tag along and try to talk me to death the entire time. 

This man appears to have the patience of a saint, but I just know that deep down, buried somewhere in his gut, there's a "goddamnit woman, do you ever shut the hell up??!???!" just waiting to escape. 

 

It's called male pattern deafness. Eventually you just learn to tune them out and then say it's because your losing your hearing.

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Probably should go in the divorce thread but I'm not divorced so I'll put it here. 

"Referencing research pertaining to corporate psychopaths and how they operate in high-achieving roles in workplaces, Dr. Boddy explains female psychopaths tend to be more manipulative than males, use different techniques to create good impressions, and use deceit and sexually seductive behavior to gain social and financial advantages more often than male psychopaths." 

https://studyfinds.org/female-psychopaths-are-surprisingly-common/

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53 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Probably should go in the divorce thread but I'm not divorced so I'll put it here. 

"Referencing research pertaining to corporate psychopaths and how they operate in high-achieving roles in workplaces, Dr. Boddy explains female psychopaths tend to be more manipulative than males, use different techniques to create good impressions, and use deceit and sexually seductive behavior to gain social and financial advantages more often than male psychopaths." 

https://studyfinds.org/female-psychopaths-are-surprisingly-common/

My ex is a CTO.  She's not technical at all, but can typically BS her way through it and this is how she has gotten to where she is.  I mean good for her I guess, but her trying to bring that manipulation home is 95% the reason we're divorced now.  

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My ex was pretty much known as a willing sledgehammer for the owners of her company. Served her well in her career. Translated to most of the rest of her life. Had to remind her from time to time that I don’t fucking work for you. Ultimately she couldn’t or wouldn’t really differentiate. I feel for the current guy. I doubt he realizes what he’s latched onto yet. 

Edited by tbone_
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1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

My ex was pretty much known as a willing sledgehammer for the owners of her company. Served her well in her career. Translated to most of the rest of her life. Had to remind her from time to time that I don’t fucking work for you. Ultimately she couldn’t or wouldn’t really differentiate. I feel for the current guy. I doubt he realizes what he’s latched onto yet. 

Yeah, met her new boyfriend over the weekend.  Nice guy, felt bad because he's not going to know until it's too late for him and it's not my place to tell him.  Maybe he'll be cool with being managed and being dictated too.  I never was.  

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On 2/26/2024 at 12:25 PM, Storm the Field said:

Man, I just don't know how some people do it.

There's a retired couple in their late 60's or so that works out at my gym in the mornings. Always together. They go hop on the treadmills side-by-side and the wife literally just talks into her husband's ear, non-stop stream of consciousness without pause the entire time. He never says a word beyond "yep" or "uh huh" every now and then. Just stares blankly ahead. I presume at this point he just hears a high-pitched tone or something. After the treadmills, they go use various weight machines, and the wife always is on whatever machine is next to her husband, yakking in his general direction. I'd have to give up exercising entirely if every trip to the gym meant that my wife was gonna tag along and try to talk me to death the entire time. 

This man appears to have the patience of a saint, but I just know that deep down, buried somewhere in his gut, there's a "goddamnit woman, do you ever shut the hell up??!???!" just waiting to escape. 

 

Lyle Lovett has a solution:

 

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On 2/26/2024 at 3:20 PM, Incredulity said:

Counterpoint.

Lost our cat to old age, pack of coyotes, or....?  about a year ago.

Spent a large portion of Saturday dealing with a mouse condominium in the corner of the garage my wife has turned into a hording location.

 

And I pretty much loathe cats.  But damn they are useful for rodent deterrence.

If you would’ve had a spiral staircase, the cat would’ve been safe. 

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Probably should go in the divorce thread but I'm not divorced so I'll put it here. 
"Referencing research pertaining to corporate psychopaths and how they operate in high-achieving roles in workplaces, Dr. Boddy explains female psychopaths tend to be more manipulative than males, use different techniques to create good impressions, and use deceit and sexually seductive behavior to gain social and financial advantages more often than male psychopaths." 
https://studyfinds.org/female-psychopaths-are-surprisingly-common/

My ex-wife enters the chat.
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