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On 1/5/2019 at 5:37 AM, PilotsError said:

And your finances aren't going to be separate for long.

This is easy.  What is hers is hers.  What is yours is ya’lls.   Separate but unequal.  

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My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

13 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

That's the exact opposite of what this thread is about.  Good for you and your family, though.

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38 minutes ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

What I’m getting from this post is the stupid shit your wife did was marry you.  

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

1 hour ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

Very Obi  Wan  Kenobi. These are not the droids you’re looking for.

My wife is in the next room, laughing like a loon as she watches "America's Funniest Home Videos".

1 hour ago, HRSchenker said:

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

Please tell me you responded with HELL YES WE HUNTED RABBITS AND USED THEIR PELTS TO MASSAGE OUR TVS GROWING UP

My wife is in the next room, laughing like a loon as she watches "America's Funniest Home Videos".


Tonight is rather funny.
Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife.
 
 
you fucked up right here

We both ordered ribeye tonight, she ordered the 12 oz, I ordered the 16 oz. 

Wife: I can't believe you ordered the 16 oz. That's so much meat, it's like 2 whole pounds! 

10 minutes ago, Kwix said:

We both ordered ribeye tonight, she ordered the 12 oz, I ordered the 16 oz. 

Wife: I can't believe you ordered the 16 oz. That's so much meat, it's like 2 whole pounds! 

Did you point out to her that that would mean she was eating a 1.5 pound steak?

2 hours ago, Goofyboy said:

 


Tonight is rather funny.

 

Username checks out.

Fathers getting hit in the nuts by their toddler is great television.

8 hours ago, Kwix said:

We both ordered ribeye tonight, she ordered the 12 oz, I ordered the 16 oz. 

Wife: I can't believe you ordered the 16 oz. That's so much meat, it's like 2 whole pounds! 

not her fault imperial is dumb

why's 16 oz a pound?  and is it troy oz?  the same as fluid oz of water at STP?  tower pound? merchant pound?

34 minutes ago, 52-80 said:

not her fault imperial is dumb

why's 16 oz a pound?  and is it troy oz?  the same as fluid oz of water at STP?  tower pound? merchant pound?

2x4's. the list is too long.

9 hours ago, WhatTheBuck said:

Did you point out to her that that would mean she was eating a 1.5 pound steak?

tenor.gif?itemid=6081931

 

 

14 hours ago, HRSchenker said:

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

The fact she's actually right about "basic cable" makes me wonder if she was effing with you 

3 hours ago, AM Wood said:

2x4's. the list is too long.

top-gun-goose-gif-4-300x200.gif

3 hours ago, 52-80 said:

not her fault imperial is dumb

why's 16 oz a pound?  and is it troy oz?  the same as fluid oz of water at STP?  tower pound? merchant pound?

Two types of countries on this planet.  Those who use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

36 minutes ago, Upgrayedd said:

Two types of countries on this planet.  Those who use the metric system and those that have put a man on the moon.

what about myanmar?

8 minutes ago, elfenix said:

what about myanmar?

Burma you dick! 

On 12/31/2018 at 12:27 PM, texashorne said:

I thought I could build up some political capital by agreeing to keep them. There have been talks of us getting a dog, and the SIL keeping it would save me from having to board it.. The road to hell is paved with good intentions. 

 

On 1/3/2019 at 6:48 PM, Modessit said:

Exactly. I've been sick and ran out of cough syrup about 9pm the other night. My wife had just put the kids to bed and I asked her if she'd run to the store and get me some more. She made a face and said, "I know - and you'd go if I asked you to." I reminded her of the time I went to the store at 3am to get her crackers because her stomach was bothering her and she wanted something bland to munch on. She agreed that was a nice thing I did.

She didn't go.

Told me it was cold outside and I could pick some up when I went to work in the morning.

I do laugh at the newbies that think there is a magical goodwill bank that can be prepaid and built up in advance for future use with the wife.  I shouldn't find it so amusing, because I too was once young and ignorant.  

3 hours ago, Not a cat said:

 

I do laugh at the newbies that think there is a magical goodwill bank that can be prepaid and built up in advance for future use with the wife.  I shouldn't find it so amusing, because I too was once young and ignorant.  

No shit.  I am pretty sure my wife keeps a running tally in her head of all the things she has done and all the things I didn’t do.  She uses this info to tell me why it is my turn to take care of literally anything.  The things I take care of don’t count for shit  because they are already done.

22 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

Confused-Jacksonville-Jaguars-fan-in-sta

23 hours ago, Johnny Sack said:

My wife is going back to work this week after mainly just doing part time contract legal work for the last 9 years (since first child was born).  She’s earning a good salary considering she’s only working 25 hours per week.  Her new firm is near our house.  And she still can pick the kids up after school.  I’m pretty happy about this.  

 

This ain't the fucking humble brag thread.

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

8 hours ago, Cheeseweasel said:

tenor.gif?itemid=6081931

 

 

 

^^^^^^^^^^^

My wife playing beat the parents when she was asked- Name the 3 branches of government?

56 minutes ago, Pokoloco said:

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

Seems like fighting hobos would liven up the evening nicely.  Oh, Trixie!

19 hours ago, Nuge said:

Fathers getting hit in the nuts by their toddler is great television.

Karl-Heinz: The next disturbing video was sent in by Napoleon Shultz of Breman. In it was see a man distributing leaflets. Another man comes over and read one. Watch what he does. He has kicked the man in the testicles! Look – the pain was so intense he has to vomit.

Dieter: His agony was gorgeous. I need to be slapped.

 

 

5 hours ago, Pokoloco said:

We have a new streetcar system in OKC, we were meeting my brother and sister in law to eat and go to the Thunder game. She texts my SIL:

Her: We're going to eat at the hideaway and ride the boxcar to the game.

SIL: Boxcar? do we have to run along side and jump in an open one? Will we have to fight hobos?

She's confused, shows me the exchange."why is she saying this?"

Me: Clearly my brother is texting as his wife, also..BOXCAR??!!  the fuck?

Better jam something in the door too so nobody accidently suffocates. 

Third boxcar midnight train,
destination trixie’s brain.

On 1/6/2019 at 6:01 PM, HRSchenker said:

Got caught in traffic so I figured I'd kill time by playing trivia with the wife. A tweet had the top 10 most viewed basic cable networks of 2018 so I asked her to guess the top 3. Her guesses? Fox 4, CBS 11, and ABC 8.

Me: "Basic cable, not the public channels."

Wife: "Those ARE basic cable channels."

Me: "No those are public channels. Basic cable channels would be like ESPN, Fox News, MSNBC, etc."

Wife: "Growing up we had basic cable and had those channels!"

Me: "Yes but you had others only available to cable customers. You can't pick up ESPN on rabbit ears. That's what we had to use to pick up channels growing up"

Wife: "You hunted rabbits just so you could watch TV?"

Jesus. Christ.

 

 

Where's the pictures because she's obviously hot as fuck

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

Last week, I told my wife that she had used my toothbrush.

Me: I just wanted to let you know that you used my toothbrush earlier today, the green one.

Her: That's my toothbrush.

Me: No, you just got a new one and it's pink.

Her: That's your toothbrush. I just got a new one, it was the last one in its package.

Me (shows her that the pink toothbrush is unlike any of the others in the package and that the green one is the same as all the others in the package).

Her: silence

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2 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

Well, now I know where I got this fucking cold.

2 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

  So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

tenor.gif?itemid=9201408

America’s Funniest Home Videos is way better than the real housewives, especially when it’s left on auto play in the other room all night long. Imagine periodically waking up to catty bickering and arguing all night long but never waking up enough to coherently deal with it.

4 hours ago, Mac8111 said:

I think my wife is trying to win the 2019 award early in the season......

 

Last week I was fighting with a cold/ crud that is going around.  Felt miserable.  On Friday night I tell her we are going to have a quickie because I am going out of town for the weekend and need to release the build up that was happening all week.   So I get on top and flop around, can't breathe through my nose, snot probably pouring down on her, and we do the deed.  Mission accomplished. 

 

Fast forward to Sunday night when I get back into town, she is laying in bed and said she feels bad.  (Same thing as I had).  So I jokingly tell her that I am sorry I got her sick while humping her and she slowly looks at me and sheepishly asks " can you pass along a cold from having sex? Like when you came in me?" 

 

Again, this is not the humble brag thread.

On 1/7/2019 at 11:15 AM, lateshow said:

Burma you dick! 

It'll always be Burma to me.  /jpeterman

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Well, now I know where I got this fucking cold.


Mac8111 came in you?
Seems like fighting hobos would liven up the evening nicely.  Oh, Trixie!
I have a friend when faced with an unpleasant task always says "I'd rather blow a hobo than . . ."

I chortle every time. What an awful task, blowing hobos.
I have a friend when faced with an unpleasant task always says "I'd rather blow a hobo than . . ."

I chortle every time. What an awful task, blowing hobos.

Hey, fucker, SOMEBODY’S gotta do it, and I don’t see YOU stepping up!
9 minutes ago, BearSchlong said:

I have a friend when faced with an unpleasant task always says "I'd rather blow a hobo than . . ."

I chortle every time. What an awful task, blowing hobos.

We were unhealthily drunk on a Sunday afternoon one time and I bought the domain names for hobotheater and hobotheatre .com/.org/.net      The thought process was, we were going to go around big cities with scripts from Shakespeare, big broadway productions and the like, and pay homeless people $25 or so to perform the parts which we would document on video, then use it to help raise awareness for homelessness.  Kind of wish we would’ve done it.   /Wrong thread.  CSB

Edited by Trey3216

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