Jump to content

Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

Recommended Posts

7 hours ago, Texaus said:

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

When your wife is hipper than you and your friends.

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

  • Like 7
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

2 hours ago, PatrickMcHorn said:

Told her I was going to take off work Friday, get up really early, and watch the ryder cup. I explained what the ryder cup is. Reminded her again yesterday. Again we talked about the rider cup, and how it's the US vs. Europe.

She walks in the living room this morning as I'm telling Fleetwood to go fuck himself.

She says "Is he the one from England? I like his accent."

I say something about him needing to shove his stupid ass English accent up his stupid ass.

She says "Why do you only root for US golfers. Its not like there's a team of US golfers out there."

I just stare at her, she looks up as the screen is changing to show the graphic with the US and EU flags, then it hits her. "You're going to put this on that angry bevo thing aren't you?"

God damn right.

You could try extracting a price for your internet silence on the incident.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!
Dont call my wife a bitch you asshole
  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

4 hours ago, 52-80 said:

Car has dual-zone climate control.

Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 

And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.

 

 

bitch you got your own temperature dial!

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

17 hours ago, Texaus said:

Had a single buddy visiting for a few days from out of state. It was general knowledge that he was on the hunt for older ladies while down here. Last night before he left, wife and I were sitting around talking and she asks him how the puma hunting went. Took both of us a second before we looked at each other and started snickering.

v6LOyUF.gif?noredirect

Link to comment
Share on other sites

27 minutes ago, G650 said:

Dude, they don't actually set the temp, they just turn the fan up and down and whatever happens happens.

My mom also does that at home with the thermostat.  No concept of range control.  Just manually setting the system off and on, and then clicking on the temperature until she hears central air kicks in.

 

So I bought her an ecobee , 2 Christmas ago.   She called me last week and asked "that temperature thing you got us is still in the box...do you want it back?"

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Car has dual-zone climate control.
Because everything's always too cold for her, the passenger air vents are pretty much permanently shut. 
And in the rare occasions that she's feeling too warm??  Just cranks the fan control for the whole car to max.... with her vents still shut.
 
 
bitch you got your own temperature dial!

tumblr_mfejdlMxRK1qejlczo1_500.gif
  • Like 1
  • Haha 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

38 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

Link to comment
Share on other sites

49 minutes ago, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

This can't be real. Holy shit.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Leader in the clubhouse for Surly
and after those concerts, fairs and stuff those pee infested hands touched your weiner

No, no they don't. this is still the wives thread.

 

  • Like 2
Link to comment
Share on other sites

On 9/28/2018 at 7:21 PM, NotActuallyALonghorn said:

So apparently up until a year or so ago my wife thought the little urinal thing on the side of a porta potty was a shelf to set your phone on. She's been setting her phone on dirty urinal cakes for years while she pees at concerts and fairs and stuff...

Between this and Pedo State just losing I don't think I've laughed this hard in 5 years.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

7 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

Is anyone else's wife just fucking terrible at picking up food to-go?  Either she gets it from a drive-thru then never checks the damn bag, but then never checks that the order is right (stupid teens always getting it wrong).  OR she goes in to pick it up (Hutchins BBQ) and never asks for things that we always get (delicious pickles and BBQ sauce).

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

Link to comment
Share on other sites

23 minutes ago, AUS-97HORN said:

so.....

you are pissed that you let your wife do a job that you know you should be doing yourself?

bold move on this thread. 

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

Edited by Spur08
Link to comment
Share on other sites

12 minutes ago, Spur08 said:

? Explain.  I'm always supposed to pick up to-go food?  Particularly at places that don't serve any alcohol?

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

Link to comment
Share on other sites

1 minute ago, AUS-97HORN said:

fool me once shame on me, fool me twice shame on you.

I assume based on your post this is very regular fuckup by her,   so its happened more than twice..... hence  you KNOW shes gonna fuck it up, yet you continue to send her to pickup food with either bad instructions or no instructions at all.... and you get pissed when she continues to prove she's incapable of being a reliable food runner.  

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

What can I say?  I would figure BBQ sauce and pickles are understood.  And, God forbid, I choose to spend time with the baby the hr before she goes to bed.  Life choices suck...but I can still bitch.....for now.


Not only a wife but with new mom brain? Haha haha haha.
  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.



×
×
  • Create New...