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Trivial things that make you surly


elfenix

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Today on highway 80 SB between Dallas and Terrell I saw a sign that said:

Smoked Turkey’s

Smoked Ham’s

Firewood

So I guess they are selling firewood that was originally owned by a stoner named Ham, but is now owned by a stoner named Turkey. 

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On 11/12/2021 at 9:54 AM, slorch said:

I may have encountered this yesterday, from West bound I 10 feeder road onto southbound Gessner.

Everyone miraculously abided, and I was grateful AF in that middle lane turn with a pickup loaded with 2 pinball machines… my agility/ elusivity was virtually zero had someone been off kilter.  I mumbled to my buddy,’ Who thought of that eveil shit? I didn’t even know 3 lane turns existed!’

 

aggy

 

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17 hours ago, Fudbelty said:

Every day I come to my desk I have to pull the trash can closer to me instead of out towards the front of the desk. Damn cleaning crew puts it back forward every single day. c2cc79b1554906c7b7fd3c0acd85f251.jpg

 

How is there no standardization in the trash universe such that a bag and a basket fit perfectly together, so that we dont have to do this awkward tying off at the rim of the bag and sometimes the motherfucker slips and sinks anyway

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Captchas.  fuck you and let me get on to my website.

 

Same thing for filling in your age to access alcohol website.  if theres anything that better represents feckless government regulation, its forcing websites to verify children arent looking at fucking beer webpages

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Funeral processions.

The other day I was stopped at a red light on an off ramp turning left. After I got my green light to turn, I proceed and suddenly there’s a vehicle running a red (with their hazards and a tiny orange flag in their window that I suspect has a funeral homes logo on it) . So I step on it thinking WTF. The car I am now behind also has their hazards/ flag combo so I figured out I cut in line of a procession. I’m looking up ahead trying to find any hearse or police motorcade and I see nothing. Do these things really need to be any longer than 5 cars that are strictly immediate family members, Paul bearers ?

I don’t think ex coworkers or softball teammates from the late 80s need to be causing near accidents so they can keep up in line. You’ll make it to the graveyard.

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5 hours ago, closetohumping said:

Indecisive drivers who make me miss a light 

They’re not indecisive. They’re checking their Instagram feed/surly reactions. Every red light, look around. At least half of everyone around you is staring at their phone as soon as the light turns yellow. And they only look up when someone honks at them. 

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2 minutes ago, nnm said:

They’re not indecisive. They’re checking their Instagram feed/surly reactions. Every red light, look around. At least half of everyone around you is staring at their phone as soon as the light turns yellow. And they only look up when someone honks at them. 

That for sure but also the kind that’s driving 5 mph approaching a green light trying to figure out if they should turn or go straight.  

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On 11/20/2021 at 12:50 PM, Cheeseweasel said:

wrestlemania vii wrestling GIF by WWE

The 'mypillow' guy looks like shit these days.  

And yes, next time you're waiting to take a left at an intersection.  Look at the people who drive through the intersection that are actively still looking at their phones.  It's horrifying.

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Driving to work tonight and Grandma in her farm tagged '92 GMC Sierra is driving 5 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. As soon as we pass the car on the right I move right and pass. Grandma, without removing the Marlboro 100 pursed between her lips changes lanes and damn near pulled off a perfect PIT maneuver on me. I pull over to the shoulder and Grandma keeps chugging on. I got back on the road and called 9-1-1 while following her. 12 miles later TWELVE FUCKING MILES LATER she pulls into a gas station. I got out of my car and since I'm wearing my uniform I identified myself as Security and told her to stay in her vehicle until Police arrive. She's on the phone with 9-1-1 saying I'm threatening her. I go back to my car and wait. First officer is a county cop, I give her my story and wait in the car. Second cop is a very young DPS trooper. He talks to Grandma first, then comes at me with why was I chasing Granny down the road? I told him she hit me and he says "But you didn't stop." Au contraire, I did stop. She ran and I followed. "You impersonated a Police Officer!" Nope, I am in uniform and identified myself accordingly, I know the rules. "She was scared and you were driving aggressively." Nope, I caught back up with her after she fled, turned on my flashers and was on the phone with 9-1-1 for 12 fucking miles until she pulled over. Are you charging her with hit and run? "Hit and run isn't a thing. I should be arresting you for impersonating an officer."

 

Long story short (kinda late for that) Grandma was let go with an unsafe lane change, I was threatened with arrest and the driver's side of my Lincoln is fucked up. Good thing I had my dashcam on and it recorded the whole thing. The Trooper didn't notice that. Fuck the police.

Edited by RPM
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9 hours ago, RPM said:

Driving to work tonight and Grandma in her farm tagged '92 GMC Sierra is driving 5 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. As soon as we pass the car on the right I move right and pass. Grandma, without removing the Marlboro 100 pursed between her lips changes lanes and damn near pulled off a perfect PIT maneuver on me. I pull over to the shoulder and Grandma keeps chugging on. I got back on the road and called 9-1-1 while following her. 12 miles later TWELVE FUCKING MILES LATER she pulls into a gas station. I got out of my car and since I'm wearing my uniform I identified myself as Security and told her to stay in her vehicle until Police arrive. She's on the phone with 9-1-1 saying I'm threatening her. I go back to my car and wait. First officer is a county cop, I give her my story and wait in the car. Second cop is a very young DPS trooper. He talks to Grandma first, then comes at me with why was I chasing Granny down the road? I told him she hit me and he says "But you didn't stop." Au contraire, I did stop. She ran and I followed. "You impersonated a Police Officer!" Nope, I am in uniform and identified myself accordingly, I know the rules. "She was scared and you were driving aggressively." Nope, I caught back up with her after she fled, turned on my flashers and was on the phone with 9-1-1 for 12 fucking miles until she pulled over. Are you charging her with hit and run? "Hit and run isn't a thing. I should be arresting you for impersonating an officer."

 

Long story short (kinda late for that) Grandma was let go with an unsafe lane change, I was threatened with arrest and the driver's side of my Lincoln is fucked up. Good thing I had my dashcam on and it recorded the whole thing. The Trooper didn't notice that. Fuck the police.

Respect My Authority GIFs - Get the best GIF on GIPHY

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15 hours ago, RPM said:

Driving to work tonight and Grandma in her farm tagged '92 GMC Sierra is driving 5 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. As soon as we pass the car on the right I move right and pass. Grandma, without removing the Marlboro 100 pursed between her lips changes lanes and damn near pulled off a perfect PIT maneuver on me. I pull over to the shoulder and Grandma keeps chugging on. I got back on the road and called 9-1-1 while following her. 12 miles later TWELVE FUCKING MILES LATER she pulls into a gas station. I got out of my car and since I'm wearing my uniform I identified myself as Security and told her to stay in her vehicle until Police arrive. She's on the phone with 9-1-1 saying I'm threatening her. I go back to my car and wait. First officer is a county cop, I give her my story and wait in the car. Second cop is a very young DPS trooper. He talks to Grandma first, then comes at me with why was I chasing Granny down the road? I told him she hit me and he says "But you didn't stop." Au contraire, I did stop. She ran and I followed. "You impersonated a Police Officer!" Nope, I am in uniform and identified myself accordingly, I know the rules. "She was scared and you were driving aggressively." Nope, I caught back up with her after she fled, turned on my flashers and was on the phone with 9-1-1 for 12 fucking miles until she pulled over. Are you charging her with hit and run? "Hit and run isn't a thing. I should be arresting you for impersonating an officer."

 

Long story short (kinda late for that) Grandma was let go with an unsafe lane change, I was threatened with arrest and the driver's side of my Lincoln is fucked up. Good thing I had my dashcam on and it recorded the whole thing. The Trooper didn't notice that. Fuck the police.

So... are you like a mall cop or something?

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16 hours ago, RPM said:

Driving to work tonight and Grandma in her farm tagged '92 GMC Sierra is driving 5 miles under the speed limit in the left lane. As soon as we pass the car on the right I move right and pass. Grandma, without removing the Marlboro 100 pursed between her lips changes lanes and damn near pulled off a perfect PIT maneuver on me. I pull over to the shoulder and Grandma keeps chugging on. I got back on the road and called 9-1-1 while following her. 12 miles later TWELVE FUCKING MILES LATER she pulls into a gas station. I got out of my car and since I'm wearing my uniform I identified myself as Security and told her to stay in her vehicle until Police arrive. She's on the phone with 9-1-1 saying I'm threatening her. I go back to my car and wait. First officer is a county cop, I give her my story and wait in the car. Second cop is a very young DPS trooper. He talks to Grandma first, then comes at me with why was I chasing Granny down the road? I told him she hit me and he says "But you didn't stop." Au contraire, I did stop. She ran and I followed. "You impersonated a Police Officer!" Nope, I am in uniform and identified myself accordingly, I know the rules. "She was scared and you were driving aggressively." Nope, I caught back up with her after she fled, turned on my flashers and was on the phone with 9-1-1 for 12 fucking miles until she pulled over. Are you charging her with hit and run? "Hit and run isn't a thing. I should be arresting you for impersonating an officer."

 

Long story short (kinda late for that) Grandma was let go with an unsafe lane change, I was threatened with arrest and the driver's side of my Lincoln is fucked up. Good thing I had my dashcam on and it recorded the whole thing. The Trooper didn't notice that. Fuck the police.

You made it home safely, count your blessings on this holiday weekend. 

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