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Wives and the Stupid Shit They Say/Do


Spur08

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22 hours ago, Superhero said:

Wife was out this morning, so I had the kids do spring cleaning with me - regular chores, but also getting rid of old toys and other junk.

There's a trash bag and a donate box. The kids occasionally ask about a few items, but otherwise they have it under control, and no drama at all.

 

Then the wife comes home and starts digging through the trash, pulling stuff out, and aggressively asking the kids why they threw things out. Lots of yelling and crying ensues.

Fuck me.

 

 

It's 9:40 right now, and behind me, she's digging through the trash bag again... 

 

Due to the fact that my wife moved every 2 years growing up, she’s a purger.

My parents are a mm away from being hoarders. It’s not a compulsion as much as just being lazy.

But what’s great is when she goes into purge mode and what it does to my daughters, See, they got the heterozygous version of the dominant hoarder genes (I think that works?).

I know it’s going down when my oldest screams from upstairs in hysterics :

”Why are you always trying to throw away our memories!!!!!!”

I laugh from my seat on the couch. But my joy is short lived.

When purge-a-tron 5000 return downstairs without her full lb of flesh I get blamed for ruining our children and I must then wander the sex desert like Moses for much longer than my usual camel-like existence,

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1 hour ago, Dnaguy said:

 

Due to the fact that my wife moved every 2 years growing up, she’s a purger.

My parents are a mm away from being hoarders. It’s not a compulsion as much as just being lazy.

But what’s great is when she goes into purge mode and what it does to my daughters, See, they got the heterozygous version of the dominant hoarder genes (I think that works?).

I know it’s going down when my oldest screams from upstairs in hysterics :

”Why are you always trying to throw away our memories!!!!!!”

I laugh from my seat on the couch. But my joy is short lived.

When purge-a-tron 5000 return downstairs without her full lb of flesh I get blamed for ruining our children and I must then wander the sex desert like Moses for much longer than my usual camel-like existence,

Oh man this post hits close to home. 

 

My dad was a hoarder. Mom was a purger. 

My wifes mom is a hoarder. Her dad is a purger. 

We're a mix of both. I will hoard shit but I always hit a moment where I'm like "I'm getting rid of half of my shit. Today. Goodwill." 

Wife had semi-recently bought some giant plastic airplane bed for our 4yo for like 5 bucks. It got piled into the garage and then we quickly realized it was shit and we needed to trash it. But we live in NB where there is no bulk trash day like Austin and when it comes you have to load up your shit into a truck and take it to the local elementary school. So I did that last weekend. Under the bed crap were boxes of crap that she had ALREADY BOXED FOR GOODWILL. As we're loading the bed stuff she's like "what are these boxes?" .. me: "you put these together for Goodwill a while back". ... her: "no way.. there's a fucking Coach purse in here... we need to go through these boxes again" 

So now I get to go through boxes of Goodwill shit again to determine if it's actually crap. My fault for not taking that crap out earlier. 

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1 hour ago, Dnaguy said:

 

Due to the fact that my wife moved every 2 years growing up, she’s a purger.

My parents are a mm away from being hoarders. It’s not a compulsion as much as just being lazy.

But what’s great is when she goes into purge mode and what it does to my daughters, See, they got the heterozygous version of the dominant hoarder genes (I think that works?).

I know it’s going down when my oldest screams from upstairs in hysterics :

”Why are you always trying to throw away our memories!!!!!!”

I laugh from my seat on the couch. But my joy is short lived.

When purge-a-tron 5000 return downstairs without her full lb of flesh I get blamed for ruining our children and I must then wander the sex desert like Moses for much longer than my usual camel-like existence,

We moved continents every 3-4 years so we learned not to buy stupid shit because we’d just have to throw it away. 

My wife comes from a family of hoarders. She's actually the best or the lot, but I guess we’re still at different planes of hoarding existence.

Yeah we got into an argument yesterday when she started dumpster diving, but it’s a fight worth having. We’ve been in this house for 8 years, and it’s the longest I ever lived in one place and I’ll be damned if we’re going to save some hair bands that my daughter got as a Christmas present 7 years ago.

 

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My wife is a closeted hoarder. I even saw a bag from Shein or whatever that cheap Chinese merchandiser is last week.

My ex-wife and her mom were hoarders too, but their shit came from Neiman Marcus.

So, progress?

I had to take a piss at Northpark mall last week and visited Neimans for the first time in 20 years, and as I passed by the table in Mermaid Grill where, between bites of a Duke of Windsor sandwich, my old friend and celebrity attorney Roy Black attempted to convince me to not marry #1 without an ironclad prenup, I spotted this.

07c60ba944acd208269845910fec008a.jpg

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On 3/26/2024 at 1:33 PM, Jiggy-Z said:

We're about to have wok done on the main floor and will have to remove the furniture for a couple of months while the guys work on things.

Mrs K:  can we put the furniture in an i-pod? 

 

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23 hours ago, Mittens said:

I'm amazed every time he posts and it isn't "Well, I finally divorced her."

Haha. Despite my complaints here, I wouldn't divorce her unless something HUGE happens.

We share a LOT of common values. She's a really good mom (except for the tone of voice). As I've mentioned many times before, if she wasn't around, the kids would be barefoot and wearing rags. With me, she's unappreciative at times, but makes it up with good sex. She doesn't have any vices except for shoes. She doesn't care if I go out with friends, and usually doesn't say anything when I get a new guitar, bike or any other toy. Oh, and the past 2 years, she started making more money than me.

So all things considered, I can't imagine leaving her. But will come here to vent every once in a while.

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On 3/26/2024 at 1:33 PM, Jiggy-Z said:

Not me, but my business partner:

About 13 years ago his daughter and last remaining child living in the house was finishing up medical tech school and was planning on moving out.

In anticipation of not having tuition or a child in the house to pay for, he started work on his dream man cave. He tore down the old garage and rebuilt it and redid all of the drive with some pretty cool hard scape work. Inside he had a kitchen, bath, and open area where he put his new pool table. All surfaces were hard and could be washed down with a hose if need be. It even had floor drains. The fridge was stocked with plenty of beer and nothing else. Antlers and other hangings not suitable for the house were placed about the room and got it just like he wanted.  He even beat cancer during this time. Life was good.

Well, the daughter did not move out, so while she was living there no crazy parties were allowed.

Eventually, daughter met someone and he had to fork over a bunch of money for the wedding. Like 30 grand or something. But it would be worth it he thought, just so she could be out on her own with her husband making their way in the world.

Unbeknownst to him, his wife promised them they could live at home to save money.

So the man cave had to be converted to a residence. All new flooring, new kitchen, new bath, new bedroom walls, closet walls, and lighting. Pool table had to go to storage along with all of the other trappings.

He thought it would be ok after  a few years when they moved out after saving some money for a house.

Well, that day never came because his daughter freaked out and got a divorce 6 months after getting married. So daughter moves back into the house and garage apartment sits empty.

So after about a year when the coast is clear, business partner converts garage apartment back into a man cave. Walls are torn down, new flooring, new kitchen, new bath Yada Yada yada. All the while, daughter is still living at home.

He has been enjoying his man cave for a few years now worry free. His daughter even met another guy a few years back and he has a good job so her days at home are numbered.

So last week on Thursday, he doesn't show up for our usual beer drinking meeting even though he says he would be coming right over (he basically lives across the street from our office/yard).

So I walk on over to see what's up and he and his wife are under the man cave patio-talking. I can tell I am interrupting, so say my hellos and leave.

The next day I apologize for interrupting and he just shakes his head. He says his wife told him that his daughter wants to buy a house and move out and wants to move in with her boyfriend to save money. He asked where they were moving and his wife tells him, she said it would be ok if they moved into the man cave, after it was converted back into an apartment. Face palm.

I guess I'm confused as to why he redid everything? If one of my kids needed to move back in, I would have drank all the beer, put the pool table in storage, and put a futon in there for them to sleep on. When they leave, they can take the futon with them after they help me move the pool table back in.

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1 hour ago, Superhero said:

Haha. Despite my complaints here, I wouldn't divorce her unless something HUGE happens.

We share a LOT of common values. She's a really good mom (except for the tone of voice). As I've mentioned many times before, if she wasn't around, the kids would be barefoot and wearing rags. With me, she's unappreciative at times, but makes it up with good sex. She doesn't have any vices except for shoes. She doesn't care if I go out with friends, and usually doesn't say anything when I get a new guitar, bike or any other toy. Oh, and the past 2 years, she started making more money than me.

So all things considered, I can't imagine leaving her. But will come here to vent every once in a while.

My guess is there are a LOT of very, very long term marriages that "succeed" like yours in that we tolerate the differences even if it's annoying and recognize the positives and celebrate them

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My wife was talking to the kids the other day about religion.  She thinks it is a good idea for them to get more exposure to it, and I am largely indifferent.  Our 12 yr old has no interest, so she tries to make it seem more exciting for him.   Somehow the conversation goes to the Lord's Prayer and she fumbles it, I step in and finish it.   As she looks at me surprised, I give her the old Ferris Buehler "Never had one lesson."  

 

She went to services regularly growing up.   Me, not so much. 

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2 hours ago, Sandman said:

For dinner last night, we decided on these ham and cheese croissants we get from Costo, they're really good. As I got out the box, I noticed they could be cooked in the air fryer, and the wife said "Let's try that out". I don't use the air fryer, so I'm not up to speed on how accurate the settings are but I noticed the temp she had it set on (390) was higher than what is suggested on the box (350). I pointed this out and she said "Meh, I never change the temp on this", so I just left her alone. 

After removing the charred remains of the croissants from the air fryer, we had a grilled cheese sandwiches for dinner.

We have a big bag of those frozen chinese dumplings from Costco. I told my girlfriend you need to boil them or fry them. So she used the air fryer. 

They looked (and tasted) like hot dried cardboard. 

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On 3/31/2024 at 9:51 PM, Dnaguy said:

But what’s great is when she goes into purge mode and what it does to my daughters, See, they got the heterozygous version of the dominant hoarder genes (I think that works?).

 

On 3/31/2024 at 11:08 PM, NorthLoop said:

.. there's a fucking Coach purse in here... we need to go through these boxes again"

These two consecutive posts cracked me up because...truth. The hoarder gene can easily skip a generation and that is what makes me commiserate with  NorthLoop's post. I have two (2) purses: one is brown, one is black. That is it. They are slightly different in that the black one is a little more suitable for dressy occasions while the brown is my everyday. But my oldest? She, like her late grandmother, is the Totebag QUEEN------Satchel, purse, bag, clutch, tote, handbag...in all shapes and sizes. For reasons I cannot fathom, all are necessary accessories (how well she would enunciate that in the throes of the emotional maelstrom I always admired even if I never broke character of Mean Mommy).

Me? I'd be looking at that box and thinking, nah my other purse is in the closet and the brown one is in it's spot (I have one location for keys & purse) so yep, let's roll to Goodwill but my oldest would be clinging to the box like E.T. was hiding in there.

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These two consecutive posts cracked me up because...truth. The hoarder gene can easily skip a generation and that is what makes me commiserate with  NorthLoop's post. I have two (2) purses: one is brown, one is black. That is it. They are slightly different in that the black one is a little more suitable for dressy occasions while the brown is my everyday. But my oldest? She, like her late grandmother, is the Totebag QUEEN------Satchel, purse, bag, clutch, tote, handbag...in all shapes and sizes. For reasons I cannot fathom, all are necessary accessories (how well she would enunciate that in the throes of the emotional maelstrom I always admired even if I never broke character of Mean Mommy).
Me? I'd be looking at that box and thinking, nah my other purse is in the closet and the brown one is in it's spot (I have one location for keys & purse) so yep, let's roll to Goodwill but my oldest would be clinging to the box like E.T. was hiding in there.

My wife changes out her purse every. Fucking. Day. She has a bag in 573 different colors, and then 3 different size variations of each color. Today, she’s feeling medium periwinkle blue, tomorrow, her big emerald green tote!
Meanwhile, I carry the same black leather wallet till it falls apart and she demands that I get a new one because it makes me look like a hobo.
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On 4/2/2024 at 10:04 AM, Nivek said:

My wife was talking to the kids the other day about religion.  She thinks it is a good idea for them to get more exposure to it, and I am largely indifferent.  Our 12 yr old has no interest, so she tries to make it seem more exciting for him.   Somehow the conversation goes to the Lord's Prayer and she fumbles it, I step in and finish it.   As she looks at me surprised, I give her the old Ferris Buehler "Never had one lesson."  

 

She went to services regularly growing up.   Me, not so much. 

Teach em the serenity prayer. That's all the religion they need.

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8 hours ago, Brisketexan said:


My wife changes out her purse every. Fucking. Day. She has a bag in 573 different colors, and then 3 different size variations of each color. Today, she’s feeling medium periwinkle blue, tomorrow, her big emerald green tote!
Meanwhile, I carry the same black leather wallet till it falls apart and she demands that I get a new one because it makes me look like a hobo.

Are we the same person?

I bought my first new wallet since the Bush administration last week, and my wife has accumulated at least 100 purses in that time frame.

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2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I waltzed into Tumi last week and bought my first new computer backpack in 10 years and felt guilty spending the money.

Then I did a mental tally of my wife’s annual purse spend and felt much better.

I was also looking at Tumi backpacks this week.  

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2 hours ago, BearSchlong said:

I waltzed into Tumi last week and bought my first new computer backpack in 10 years and felt guilty spending the money.

Then I did a mental tally of my wife’s annual purse spend and felt much better.

Anytime I justify a spend by comparing it to similar purchase category for my wife:

Emmy Awards Thank You GIF by Emmys

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My guess is there are a LOT of very, very long term marriages that "succeed" like yours in that we tolerate the differences even if it's annoying and recognize the positives and celebrate them

Back in my 20s I started telling all my friends “pick your poison wisely. They’re all poison, but what level are you willing to take on.”
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Meanwhile, I carry the same black leather wallet till it falls apart and she demands that I get a new one because it makes me look like a hobo.


This was my move, except for brown. Nearly 20 years ago I switched to a binder clip. I’m still using the original clip. I took the clip from work. Wallet costs this millennium = $0.
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On 4/6/2024 at 4:59 PM, BearSchlong said:

I waltzed into Tumi last week and bought my first new computer backpack in 10 years and felt guilty spending the money.

Then I did a mental tally of my wife’s annual purse spend and felt much better.

This is where I feel so damn lucky.  We've been married for almost 8 years.  She bought a target purse while we were dating, and after the kids were picking the fake leather apart on it, she bought some Amazon purse maybe a year ago at most.  2 purses in a decade, and nothing name brand.  Her parents instilled some damn good fiscal responsibility in her, for sure!

Edited by PvilleStang
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On 4/6/2024 at 9:17 PM, Jameslaw121 said:

gonna cross post this. But during the Rangers/Astros game my 5 year old daughter comes out and see an Astros player battering(It was Yainer Diaz, not Altuve).

Her "Is that short fuck Altuve?"

 

Mom was not amused 

When my daughter was little, one year she thought the Cowboys' QB was named "Fucking Vinny."

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7 hours ago, PvilleStang said:

This is where I feel so damn lucky.  We've been married for almost 8 years.  She bought a target purse while we were dating, and after the kids were picking the fake leather apart on it, she bought some Amazon purse maybe a year ago at most.  2 purses in a decade, and nothing name brand.  Her parents instilled some damn good fiscal responsibility in her, for sure!

I bought my wife a Coach purse back when we were dating before the turn of the century.  She didn't much use a purse before and only uses it occasionally.  It'll last her lifetime.

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All this purse talk reminds me...

We're dog people and foster a bunch of dogs until they get adopted.

We usually sequester them in the kitchen.

Wife comes home and puts one of her expensive purses on the kitchen table.  Of course leaves the strap dangling off the table.  

Foster pup, chews through the strap.

 

Next day, different expensive purse....same thing, except dog pulled the whole thing down and is gnawing on the corner.

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All this purse talk reminds me...
We're dog people and foster a bunch of dogs until they get adopted.
We usually sequester them in the kitchen.
Wife comes home and puts one of her expensive purses on the kitchen table.  Of course leaves the strap dangling off the table.  
Foster pup, chews through the strap.
 
Next day, different expensive purse....same thing, except dog pulled the whole thing down and is gnawing on the corner.
She's doing it on purpose to get new purses.
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16 hours ago, Jerry Callo said:

I bought my wife a Coach purse back when we were dating before the turn of the century.  She didn't much use a purse before and only uses it occasionally.  It'll last her lifetime.

Same here. My wife is a penny-pincher, as was her whole family. I bought Mrs. CHIEF her first $25+ purse, a $250 Coach. She carried it for about 25 years before giving it to her sister, that had never had a $25+ purse. It looked like it had been with Lewis and Clark on the expedition to the Pacific for several years.

CHIEF

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WIth my wife its shoes. 

 

I bought a new pair of hiking boots about a year ago, then maybe a month later, I bought a new pair of steel-toed work boots. Literally been over a decade since I had bought a pair of either. She asked me why I needed both types of boots. I didn't say anything, just pointed to the 20 pairs of shoes (all hers, except one pair of mine and one pair of my daugther's) stacked in the hallway next to the door. 

 

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I was walking through Neimen’s with my UT daughter (no pix) in Houston.  She’s not a fashionista in the least.  I walked up to a random display of purses and said something like “hey I bet this purse is more than your tuition bill this semester”, and it was.  

We don’t own any purse like this in our house to say the least. 

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14 hours ago, High Plains Drifter said:

 

WIth my wife its shoes. 

 

I bought a new pair of hiking boots about a year ago, then maybe a month later, I bought a new pair of steel-toed work boots. Literally been over a decade since I had bought a pair of either. She asked me why I needed both types of boots. I didn't say anything, just pointed to the 20 pairs of shoes (all hers, except one pair of mine and one pair of my daugther's) stacked in the hallway next to the door. 

 

Mine too. I offered to but her nicer purses (Kate Spade, Coach) for gifts but she says she won't spend more than $20 for a purse. And she buys one once every 2 or 3 years. But shoes are a different story. She doesn't buy anything expensive but she has more than she can ever wear. 2 hanging racks in her closet and a 3 layer shoe shelf next to the bed. I have 2 pair of dress shoes, a pair of steel toed boots, 1 pair of hiking boots and 2 pair of tennis shoes. Newest purchase was a couple of years ago. 

On another note, we had our 41st anniversary last week. I bought her roses and offered to take her out to dinner and go look for a gift. She said she wanted to stay home because there were TV 2 shows she wanted to watch. So she watched her shows and FB videos. She never got out of her chair that evening, so I handed her a card while she watched TV. I never got her a gift but she got me a hoe. And not the fun kind. Who says romance is dead?

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5 minutes ago, Crapinon said:

Mine too. I offered to but her nicer purses (Kate Spade, Coach) for gifts but she says she won't spend more than $20 for a purse. And she buys one once every 2 or 3 years. But shoes are a different story. She doesn't buy anything expensive but she has more than she can ever wear. 2 hanging racks in her closet and a 3 layer shoe shelf next to the bed. I have 2 pair of dress shoes, a pair of steel toed boots, 1 pair of hiking boots and 2 pair of tennis shoes. Newest purchase was a couple of years ago. 

On another note, we had our 41st anniversary last week. I bought her roses and offered to take her out to dinner and go look for a gift. She said she wanted to stay home because there were TV 2 shows she wanted to watch. So she watched her shows and FB videos. She never got out of her chair that evening, so I handed her a card while she watched TV. I never got her a gift but she got me a hoe. And not the fun kind. Who says romance is dead?

Sounds like that was the only Ho you interacted with that night.

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I was walking through Neimen’s with my UT daughter (no pix) in Houston.  She’s not a fashionista in the least.  I walked up to a random display of purses and said something like “hey I bet this purse is more than your tuition bill this semester”, and it was.  
We don’t own any purse like this in our house to say the least. 

Good gal you got there.

My ex was a childhood Neiman Christmas catalog model and it caused me years of pain and distrust.

One time she was driving in her new leased Benz and had me reach into the backseat to fetch her purse. I picked it up and commented “holy shit this leather is soft. Wtf is this skin made of, butter?” she was silent.

Later on I found out it was a $13K authentic Cartier her mom had bought for her. I'd imagine nowadays she is probably begging Hermes to sell her a Birkin.

I had to pee so I went to neimans a month ago and saw Tom Ford was selling ugly 1970s Nike knockoffs for $990. At least the bathroom was free.

My kid is frugal as hell too.

I told my 2nd wife when I got a 6 figure commission check I'd take her to Louis Vuitton and buy her choice of purse.

She got on Facebook marketplace and bought a replica for $100. I can't tell the difference. She is most definitely not extravagant.
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My wife makes a shit load of money and likes expensive stuff.  She also will trade stuff or buy used when she really wants something.  I never worry about her when it comes to stuff like that because she's earned it, and she doesn't just spend to spend.  She saves up money, will trade hair services (we own a salon), trade previous purchases or buy used.  

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My wife makes a shit load of money and likes expensive stuff.  She also will trade stuff or buy used when she really wants something.  I never worry about her when it comes to stuff like that because she's earned it, and she doesn't just spend to spend.  She saves up money, will trade hair services (we own a salon), trade previous purchases or buy used.  

Wrong thread Elroy
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So we’re calling it a “salon” now?

I kid, I kid.

If y’all see an amber alert go out in a few minutes, it’s because my wife made it so, but she is protecting a kid from a PCP addled parent. Angel dust!

I just learned about LEO’s ability to use AI to spot license plates, and it is spooky good.

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Looking at flights just now and wife wants to choose a 5:30am flight out of AUS on a Friday morning instead of one a couple of hours later because it's $100 cheaper.  It's worth $100 to me to not have to deal with the airport at the absolute busiest time on the busiest day of the week.

100 total or 100 each? Hundie and I’m sleeping in, two and we’re setting the alarm.
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