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Neikea

I will align your chakra

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First session is on me!!! 🤍

As many of you know, I’ve been training to become a certified crystal master healer for almost a year and am ready to start my practice. 

Crystal Healing Session w/ Meditation & Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Therapy!!! 

I’m offering all family & friends a free 30 minute crystal healing session, if this is your first time working with me. We will balance chakras, clear energy with sound therapeutic crystal singing bowels, and remove blockages that have you anxious or discouraged, etc. I am also practicing the removal of spinal pain by moving stuck energy, which can be caused by trauma and stress, as well as other issues. If you’d like to upgrade to 1 hour, I will also incorporate a guided meditation made just for you! Or, you can opt for an extended sound bath with hand-blended essential oil blends. I will send you home with a small clear quartz sphere, or another crystal depending on what you need at that time. Please PM me to book a free session  for 30 mins, or receive an entire hour and only pay $45! After your free session, Introductory rates are $50 for 30 mins and $95 for an hour!

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Posted (edited)

Extended sound bath?

Is that like jamming to Nickelback turned up to 11 on the drive home?

Edited by slorch

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10 hours ago, Neikea said:

First session is on me!!! 🤍

As many of you know, I’ve been training to become a certified crystal master healer for almost a year and am ready to start my practice. 

Crystal Healing Session w/ Meditation & Crystal Singing Bowl Sound Therapy!!! 

I’m offering all family & friends a free 30 minute crystal healing session, if this is your first time working with me. We will balance chakras, clear energy with sound therapeutic crystal singing bowels, and remove blockages that have you anxious or discouraged, etc. I am also practicing the removal of spinal pain by moving stuck energy, which can be caused by trauma and stress, as well as other issues. If you’d like to upgrade to 1 hour, I will also incorporate a guided meditation made just for you! Or, you can opt for an extended sound bath with hand-blended essential oil blends. I will send you home with a small clear quartz sphere, or another crystal depending on what you need at that time. Please PM me to book a free session  for 30 mins, or receive an entire hour and only pay $45! After your free session, Introductory rates are $50 for 30 mins and $95 for an hour!

BUT HOW DO WE PAY YOU?!

jerry maguire money GIF

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11 hours ago, Neikea said:

with sound therapeutic crystal singing bowels, and remove blockages that have you anxious 

I had Taco Bell for lunch yesterday and my bowels sang last night and removed all blockages so I'm gonna take a pass on your services at this time.

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12 minutes ago, BurntEyes said:

OP is full on sarcasm right? That's the joke right? No way this is serious, right?

 

You clearly need your Chakra realigned. 

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Just now, ztejas said:

You clearly need your Chakra realigned. 

Bro, you just sent out the Derka bat single.

Wait, wut?

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Can we do this in a hot tub?
If so, then how will anyone get pregnant?

Sent from my SM-G950U1 using Tapatalk

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when my chakras are aligned, i blow a tremendous wad out of my penis, but i does need a little stimulation. does your free session come with a happy ending?

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1 hour ago, crash_davis said:

when my chakras are aligned, i blow a tremendous wad out of my penis, but i does need a little stimulation. does your free session come with a happy ending?

Does it matter to you what gender Neikea ascribes to?

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8 hours ago, ROFL BOX said:

Does it matter to you what gender Neikea ascribes to?

It’s they!

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Okay, well, uh ... candlesticks always make a nice gift, and uh, maybe you could find out where she's registered and maybe a place-setting or maybe a silverware pattern.

Okay, let's get two! Go get 'em!

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My wife had a headache last night so I went out with the guys. After a few beers, I got to thinkin' that I would love for some nice young lady to align my chakra.

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On behalf of all surly horners, we will have to decline. Maybe those at www.texags.com can step up to the plate and take advantage of this offer.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

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Is any part of the therapy process either curated or hand-crafted?  I really have come to expect at least one of those in every experience.  It's my new normal.

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this shit really works. fyi, you may end up in a northeast austin warehouse, but that's just an artifact of the transcendental sukshmal worm hole. the shackles are for your protection and will disintegrate upon the final internal mandala emission. it doesn't hurt that neikea has some rats.

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On 8/25/2020 at 2:38 AM, Neikea said:

As many of you know,

WTF? Why was I kept out of the loop? 

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