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I have made it clear to my wife the 2 things that end our marriage are her sampling other penises and MIL attempting to move in.  NO FUCKING WAY.

 

I sure a fuck won't do that to my kids either.

I have made it clear to my wife the 2 things that end our marriage are her sampling other penises and MIL attempting to move in.  NO FUCKING WAY.
 
I sure a fuck won't do that to my kids either.
You sly dog... how is life sampling other vaginas and keeping your marriage
3 minutes ago, mulletpelini said:

So when the MIL moves in that marriage is done I guess.

May I recommend a solution?

original.gif

@Deej neighborhood has the right idea. Put them in the shed out back. 

 

 

My wife is a teacher and we've been binging The Wire, which is the first time she's seen it. Yesterday she told a student "to stop acting like a corner kid."
Omar Comin'

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

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Come home smelling like cotton candy and broken dreams, with glitter all over you.  Bet she won't think it's so funny.

She's testing you to see if you're man enough to hold her to your rules.  You fail again and again.  She has zero respect for you.

5 minutes ago, Judge Roybeanbag said:

I'm picturing some kinky compromise action with syrup and glitter in your future.

Na, that ain't happenin'.  For whatever reason, syrup is a deal breaker with her.  Aside from the sticky nature, her sisters used to put it in her hair to tease her.  She also had an ex tease her once by dangling some syrup above her, and he managed to actually spill it on her head.  Relationship was terminated afterwards.  

After the little art project today, I am considering getting some Mrs. Butterworth and pouring it all over the stove and counter tops, leaving it for her to clean up.

7 minutes ago, ulukinatme said:

Na, that ain't happenin'.  For whatever reason, syrup is a deal breaker with her.  Aside from the sticky nature, her sisters used to put it in her hair to tease her.  She also had an ex tease her once by dangling some syrup above her, and he managed to actually spill it on her head.  Relationship was terminated afterwards.  

After the little art project today, I am considering getting some Mrs. Butterworth and pouring it all over the stove and counter tops, leaving it for her to clean up.

You've got your answer.  If your house has no boundaries, your house has no boundaries.  

10 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

She's testing you to see if you're man enough to hold her to your rules.  You fail again and again.  She has zero respect for you.

Relationships are binary riiiiight

16 minutes ago, PilotsError said:

She's testing you to see if you're man enough to hold her to your rules.  You fail again and again.  She has zero respect for you.

No shit, some of you act like you've never been around women before.  

Some of the best life advice I ever got was from a dog trainer: "You give the command once, and ONCE ONLY.  Every time you give that command again, you're teaching her that she doesn't have to listen to you the first time." 

44 minutes ago, ulukinatme said:

She also had an ex tease her once by dangling some syrup above her, and he managed to actually spill it on her head.  Relationship was terminated afterwards.  

It's like she's giving you the road map but you refuse to drive the car there.

1 hour ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

I think it's time to head to HEB, if it's open, and get some syrup/lube

1 hour ago, ulukinatme said:

Na, that ain't happenin'.  For whatever reason, syrup is a deal breaker with her.  Aside from the sticky nature, her sisters used to put it in her hair to tease her.  She also had an ex tease her once by dangling some syrup above her, and he managed to actually spill it on her head.  Relationship was terminated afterwards.  

After the little art project today, I am considering getting some Mrs. Butterworth and pouring it all over the stove and counter tops, leaving it for her to clean up.

I dare you to buy this costume for her.  Hell I'll buy it for her!

Halloween_Brunch_25.jpg

1 hour ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

So you are a Jelly man?

42 minutes ago, Mitch Cumsteen said:

It's like she's giving you the road map but you refuse to drive the car there.

You're right, I'm not ready to give up the car along with half my shit.  I know where the keys are though.

2 hours ago, PilotsError said:

She's testing you to see if you're man enough to hold her to your rules.  You fail again and again.  She has zero respect for you.

 

Sounds like pancakes and a fuckton of syrup for breakfast this weekend. 

I dare you to buy this costume for her.  Hell I'll buy it for her!
Halloween_Brunch_25.jpg


The real Mrs Butterworth would fill the top of that out much better.
2 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

 

After the little art project today, I am considering getting some Mrs. Butterworth and pouring it all over the stove and counter tops, leaving it for her to clean up.

This is the correct passive aggressive maneuver.  But she can ignore it pretty easily. Be sure to put some on her hair brush and hair dryer handles, and in any bathroom soap dispensers you might have. 

If you really want some time apart, put it in her shampoo bottle. 

Edited by Pato del Muerto

23 minutes ago, thunderlounge said:

 

Sounds like pancakes and a fuckton of syrup for breakfast this weekend. 

Belgian waffles hold more syrup.

2 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

This is like a Seinfeld episode. 

"She was into GLITTER Jerry! GLITTER!"
 

"Ohhh no, not glitter. Who are these people?"

37 minutes ago, Armybrat said:

Belgian waffles hold more syrup.

Oh, man.  Homemade belgian waffles, crispy on the outside, soft in the middle.  Rich butter and homemade syrup in those little squares.  

42 minutes ago, Kennythetiger said:

Oh, man.  Homemade belgian waffles, crispy on the outside, soft in the middle.  Rich butter and homemade syrup in those little squares.  

Well I'm hard now.

3 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

Na, that ain't happenin'.  For whatever reason, syrup is a deal breaker with her.  Aside from the sticky nature, her sisters used to put it in her hair to tease her.  She also had an ex tease her once by dangling some syrup above her, and he managed to actually spill it on her head.  Relationship was terminated afterwards.  

After the little art project today, I am considering getting some Mrs. Butterworth and pouring it all over the stove and counter tops, leaving it for her to clean up.

There’s a reason people close to her always pour syrup on her. It’s because she deserves it.

On 3/20/2019 at 9:37 AM, Incredulity said:

I have made it clear to my wife the 2 things that end our marriage are her sampling other penises and MIL attempting to move in.  NO FUCKING WAY.

 

I sure a fuck won't do that to my kids either.

If I’m ranking things, I would prefer she sample other dicks over her mother move in. I bought them a house to stay in the first time this came up and I’ll go the same route again if it comes up for a second time.

56 minutes ago, MissingInAction said:

Well I'm hard now.

 

2 hours ago, Armybrat said:

Belgian waffles hold more syrup.

 



The real Mrs Butterworth would fill the top of that out much better.

She is a sturdy gal.
6711ffd77420accc179114083e8e8247.jpg
5 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

You should squirt a bottle of syrup in her fucking face. 

4 minutes ago, Clintonaldo said:

You should squirt a bottle of syrup in her fucking face. 

then let her know you think it's funny. 


She is a sturdy gal.
6711ffd77420accc179114083e8e8247.jpg
What can a skinny white girl do for you? Not a damn thing.
7 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

 I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  

Glitter can suck, but you may be on a different spectrum yourself if that shit keeps you up until 4 cleaning. 

There’s really only one place you should be encountering glitter.

First of all never marry a woman that likes glitter.

 

Second. One weekend put a roofie in her drink at breakfast, strip her naked and cover her with syrup and glitter, and leave her on the bed.

 

Third. Take the kid to the zoo for the day.

 

Fourth. Don’t ever go back.

 

 

 

2 minutes ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

First of all never marry a woman that likes glitter.

 

Second. One weekend put a roofie in her drink at breakfast, strip her naked and cover her with syrup and glitter, and leave her on the bed.

 

Third. Take the kid to the zoo for the day.

 

Fourth. Don’t ever go back.

You should listen to him Flounder.  He's pre-med.

4 hours ago, Brew said:

If I’m ranking things, I would prefer she sample other dicks over her mother move in. I bought them a house to stay in the first time this came up and I’ll go the same route again if it comes up for a second time.

very humble

1 hour ago, tbone_ said:

There’s really only one place you should be encountering glitter.

And he's got a free pass to go there without her asking questions but he's not seeing it. 

First of all never marry a woman that likes glitter.
 
Second. One weekend put a roofie in her drink at breakfast, strip her naked and cover her with syrup and glitter, and leave her on the bed.
 
Third. Take the kid to the zoo for the day.
 
Fourth. Don’t ever go back.
 
 
 
I think in your case, you meant clitter
9 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

First of all never marry a woman that likes glitter.

 

Second. One weekend put a roofie in her drink at breakfast, strip her naked and cover her with syrup and glitter, and leave her on the bed.

 

Third: Take pictures and post on Surly

 

Fourth: Take the kid to the zoo for the day.

 

Fifth . Don’t ever go back.

 

 

 

Fixed that for you 

11 hours ago, UT_OB1 said:

Glitter can suck, but you may be on a different spectrum yourself if that shit keeps you up until 4 cleaning. 

Keep in mind this was a glitter squishy ball, with some glue-like substance that was inside the ball.  It was not as simple as just vacuuming it up or using a lint roller, and the shit was everywhere.

19 hours ago, ulukinatme said:

I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.

Image result for throw woman in the trash gif

I got my wife to fill out a bracket for the Tourney.

She picked Duke to beat Kentucky in the final, with the final score set at 28-22.

12 hours ago, NeverMarryAStripper said:

First of all never marry a woman that likes glitter.

 

 

username out front shoulda told ya 

43 minutes ago, lateshow said:

I got my wife to fill out a bracket for the Tourney.

She picked Duke to beat Kentucky in the final, with the final score set at 28-22.

hey, there is at least a remote chance Duke jumps out to a big lead and then goes 4 corners.

Seems like you should go to the strip club and put the syrup on the dancers tits.

 

My wife has a thing about syrup, absolutely detests it to the point she doesn't want it in her vicinity, so I abide and we don't do syrup in this house.  I fucking hate glitter, and I've asked her not to buy shit with glitter on it.  The stuff gets everywhere, and it's completely impossible to clean up because you can never get all of it.  Does she still buy shit with glitter all over it?  You better believe it.  

So yesterday she sees this squishy ball in the toy aisle and decides to buy it for our Autistic son, knowing full well that he has a tendency to break things like that open.  This particular squishy ball also has glitter in it.  I'm sure you can see where this is headed.  He managed to split it open all over our bed, glitter on him, glitter on the sheets and pillow cases, and he managed to get it on the mattress too because he likes to pull the bed cover off for whatever reason.  I'm ticked, and of course this happens right when she gets called into work.  "I didn't think he would break it open, it seemed sturdy!" she says.  I was up till 4am cleaning all the blankets and sheets and trying to get glitter out of the mattress.  I told her if I see anything with glitter again, I'm putting it straight in the trash can, no questions asked.

Today, she decides to do a craft project with my youngest son, and she has glitter all over her face and arms.  She thinks it's funny.  I think she's asking for a divorce.

 

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